Heart-Chords: May 2013

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Nanny Lesson

I was a senior in high school about to graduate. I was going to need something to fill my time soon. But I also needed a way to make some pocket change. Namely, I needed a part-time job. I considered many places, but none of them appealed to me. My heart was in serving, in volunteer work, something that could make my missionary passion bearable until God called me elsewhere. But volunteer work doesn’t pay.

That’s when a young couple in our church approached my dad to request his permission to ask me to baby-sit for them. It seemed a God-sent solution. Not only would I receive an opportunity to serve, but I would also be getting paid for it and as it would only be a part-time job, it would still allow me enough time to pursue what volunteer opportunities the Lord might send my way. A few weeks passed however, and I hadn’t heard anything more about it. In fact, with so many other things on my mind, I had given up on the job. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

This last Monday morning, I slept in late. It was an uncommon low for me; I was discouraged, weighed down, confused, and it was just one of those mornings when you don’t wanna get up and face another day. And that’s when that young mother offered me the part-time position of watching her eight-month-old daughter.

It was one of those moments when you can’t help but see God’s fingerprints. In my low point, God worked a blessing into my life to remind me that He’s still in control. To remind me not to worry so much and to shake off the doubts that had crept into my mind and were confusing me about the things He brought into my life, to get back to the place of blind faith and child-like trust that I had been walking in only twenty-four hours before. Of course, I accepted the position.

Wednesday morning, I began my first day at my first paying job and even my first time watching a baby by myself. As I approached the front door, I was both confident and nervous. I knew the weight of my responsibility and to be asked at my young age to watch a baby girl was not a compliment I took lightly. Little Eliana was not a baby doll, I realized; she was a little life, a human being just like you and me, only smaller. I knew God was counting on me. Eliana’s parents were counting on me, my parents were counting on me, Eliana was counting on me, I was counting on myself.

To me, that nanny position was more than just a job. Sure, you don’t get paid for serving, but for me, it wasn’t about the money. Yeah, the payment helps with the pocket change problem, but the monetary reward wasn’t the motive for me. I was serving. I was helping out Eliana’s parents by watching her, and what’s more, it was an opportunity for me to invest into little Eliana’s life. What better payment could you ask for than a blessing like that?

At Eliana’s baby dedication in our church only a few weeks ago, as her church family, we had all agreed to help her parents raise her and train her up in the fear of the Lord. Now I was about to walk out that promise and bring it to life. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it,” and I knew that spiritual education began right there. Yes, even at eight-months-old, I knew that the things that I did and the words that I said would have an influence on Eliana’s life in some way. The nurturing of her little soul had begun even at her young age. Not only was I responsible for caring for her physical needs and providing her with a safe environment physically, but I was responsible for providing a sheltered environment for her spiritually as well, and that understanding guided the time I spent with Eliana that day.

As I rocked her and pacified her little tears, I softly sang Christian children’s songs, even a worship song that we sing in our church. My Puerto-Rican heritage came out and I sang her a lively little Christian Spanish song I had learned from my mom, singing it both in English and Spanish. I read her Easter storybook to her. As she slept in my arms, I recited Scripture aloud, and I prayed that God would guide and protect her, that she would guard her innocence and purity as she grows, that she would always stay close to Him in her life. That God would use her to make a difference in the world for Him even as she’s growing up. From my seat on the couch, I turned my gaze from her tiny fingers, small toes, precious little sleeping face and up to the stairwell bathed in the bright afternoon sunlight streaming in. And for moment, I beheld a glimpse of the future. I saw a little dark-haired four-year-old running through the foyer into the family room, waving a drawing she had colored. I saw a bright-eyed six-year-old, prim and neatly dressed. I saw sitting on the couch opposite me, a teenage girl with her “special friend” as her parents meet him for the first time. I saw coming down the stairwell, a pretty young woman strongly resembling her mother’s physical appearance. And in that moment, the truth I had known came to life for me. I realized the sleeping baby I held in my arms was not just a baby to God, but an instrument. A little girl that would grow up to be a woman used by Him.

When I agreed to watch Eliana, I knew that God was going to use the opportunity in my life to teach me and grow me more in my relationship with Him, so needless to say, I somewhat expected to be taught something during my first day. I was right.

After a busy morning of getting a little more used to my role and Eliana getting a little more used to me, a spiritual lesson was the last thing on my mind, to be honest. Of course, the day was filled with prayer, but I wasn’t listening for God’s voice in the day’s activity. But nonetheless, I heard it anyways.

It came during one of my most tender moments with Eliana. I had buckled her into her swing and was kneeling on the floor before her, making her laugh and smile by talking to her, playing the music on her little stuffed toys, and playing peek-a-boo with her using her “Mr. Zebra” as I dubbed him. The swing was rocking side-to-side, and along with the music of the swing playing, I had turned on the motion of the hanging mobile. It was then that the little stuffed birds of the mobile caught Eliana’s eye. Three little birds: yellow, pink, and blue. Eliana laughed and kicked her legs in excitement. She reached up, arching her back as she strained to reach the stuffed birds circling overhead, but she couldn’t quite touch them. They were just out of reach. But she never stopped trying to grasp them in her little hands that afternoon.

As I watched her straining to reach the birds of the mobile, the Lord spoke to me. Unlike Eliana, He revealed to me that we don’t always reach high enough. Nobody told Eliana that those little birds were out of her reach. She didn’t know she couldn’t reach them, so she kept trying and trying. She wouldn’t give up. Too often though we allow negative, skeptical remarks and faithless comments to hold us down and keep us from reaching for the things that seem out of our grasp. Practicality pins our dreams to earth; society confines us from stepping outside of the standard norm and doing what some people only dream of.

Eliana eventually touched the little birds with her little fingertips, but she could only do so when I pulled the birds down a little more for her. Yes, many of us need to learn to reach for the stars a little more, but no matter how hard we try to achieve the impossible, we’re never going to without the Lord’s help. “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” (Mt 19:26) Even with my help, Eliana still had to strain to touch the birds though. With God, nothing we attempt- no matter how extraordinary it may be- is impossible for us, but we still have to do our part of the process. We still have to do our share of the work. We still have to make the effort and sometimes it might be hard, yes. Just as Eliana had to first build up the muscles in her back in order to reach up as high as she could, so we might have to build up some spiritual muscles first. But Eliana never gave up, and neither should we.

Though this lesson was short, I hope it speaks to one of you and is just what you needed to hear in this moment. As I said, Eliana didn’t have anyone telling her that the birdies were out of her reach, but unfortunately we do. So I encourage you today to ignore the faithless comments that people around you might make, the comments that keep you from believing the impossible and that anything is possible with God. I read once that “miracles come to those who believe in them” and that saying has stuck with me. The impossible is made possible with God, but only for those who believe in the power of what God can do. “I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Mt 17:20) So let us not be content to set our horizon on this ground level, but let us learn to reach for the stars and to dream beyond our reach. As my father once told me, to “dare to dream even when the world around you cannot.” To dare to desire to achieve what everyone says is impossible, and like Eliana, to never give up until we touch it. “For nothing is impossible with God.” (Lk 1:37)

“Everything is possible for him who believes.” Mark 9:23

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~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords? I was struggling to decide what to name my blog. I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful. As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments. They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions. They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment. A musician selects his songs according to his audience. So do we. Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different. This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument. Music is a powerful tool. Use it for His glory. “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

Through God's Eyes

This has been a very lesson-packed week if you hadn’t guessed yet by the many posts I had to publish all at once. Unfortunately, I haven’t had my ready internet access either, so the lessons to share have been stacking up. It was the Friday night before last and my parents and I were getting ready to call it a day when my dad made a remark that has stuck with me and that whose lesson I felt prompted to share with you.

My dad had his reading glasses on and was admiring his growing rabbit’s foot fern when he observed that he goes through life accustomed to not seeing very clearly without his glasses but that when he puts his glasses on, it’s like “Wow.” Even as he was speaking the words, my God-radar went off- the Holy Spirit in me. There was a lesson to be learned in that remark, and as I sought in that moment to find what it was, God revealed its lesson to me. I’m learning that He never denies teaching an eager student.

So often we’re like my dad described. We go through life seeing only a vague, blurred image. But what if we could see things the way that God sees them? I wonder what would happen if we could see ourselves, those around us, and life itself through God’s eyes. What if we allowed Him to give us the “glasses” of His eternal perspective and we could suddenly see everything clearly as it really is?

But unfortunately, that often isn’t the case. Instead, we become content with our view as it is and grow accustomed to seeing a blurred world until we think nothing of it. With our temporal and materialistic perspective, we so easily become preoccupied with our situations in life. With our cares, our concerns, our worries, our troubles. The things of this world, of our society and culture, that plague upon our minds. But what if we could see our difficulties through God’s eyes? “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2Co 4:16-18) “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Heb 12:2&3) Would the problems that so weigh us down really seem that big after all?

We fret about the opinions of others and about measuring up to standards that others have placed upon us. We struggle with insecurities about our appearance, our abilities, our skill sets, and we judge others with the same ruler. But what if we could see ourselves and others the way that God sees us all? Not by appearance, social status, or talents, but by the heart. “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1Sa 16:7) “Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?” (Jas 2:5)

We so often live in the shadow of the past and regrets. We look back at the things behind- where we have come from rather than where we are going. But what if we could see the hope of our journeys and our futures and of all of our tomorrows the way that God sees them? “Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.” (Pr 4:25-27)

What if we could see the assignments He has place right before us in the here and now? What if we could see the mission field that God sees all around us each and every day? “Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true.” (Jn 4:35-37)

I wonder what would happen if we could see the world in which we live through God’s eyes. Would we live a freer life unhampered by so many cares? Would we think differently of ourselves and others and not be so quick to judge? Would we let go of the past and live with the hope of the future plans God has in store for us? Would we spend a little more time sowing and reaping and a little less time waiting for a later time or for somebody else to do it? I wonder, would we live our lives differently if we could only see as God sees?

While cleaning out my room recently, I discovered on a scrap of paper tucked away this saying I had written many years ago: “Beauty of Life: inner peace that passes all understanding, genuine love, pure joy, true contentment, satisfaction of serving others, the blessing and favor of being in the Lord’s will.” I don’t know if I had jotted that quote down simply because I liked it or if I had written that definition myself, but whoever wrote it had it just about right and was looking through God’s lens I’d say. So I encourage you today to begin asking God, as I have, to give you the glasses of His eternal perspective and to help you to see the things in your life through His eyes. To open your eyes to everything that we keep missing as we live day to day, to the beauty of life, and to help you not be content with the blurred view anymore, but to see the clear image He sees.

“Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.” Psalm 119:18

*Check out the familiar song Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath. :)

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Letting Go

Two weeks ago, I found myself in my bedroom with brown cardboard boxes. I was moving out. No, not literally, but figuratively.

For those of you that have been following my blog lately, you know that over a month ago, I gave up my riding lessons and my dream of becoming a professional horse trainer someday as it was what I felt God asking me to do. I’m a very different girl than the cowgirl that I was for the past four years. With that said, it was time for some cleaning out.

A home is a reflection of its residents and especially of its homemaker. So it is with a bedroom. It reflects the person or people that live in it. A few months ago, my bedroom did just that; it was a reflection of me. Cowgirl and horse knick-knacks and picture frames, art, wall decorations, bedding… My room was everything western. But now… it was no longer a reflection of me. When my mom first suggested that we redecorate my room, I agreed but wasn’t really in much of a hurry to get started on it. I had so much going on in my life spiritually and emotionally and so many milestones on the horizon jockeying for my attention, that redecorating my bedroom was the last thing on my mind. But as time wore on, I began to feel out of place in my bedroom. It began to contribute to my restlessness and I was beginning to find it difficult to relax in it in the evenings.

So it was time. I didn’t have anything to fill my room with yet instead, but it was time to move on. So that Monday afternoon, I set to work in my bedroom. Pictures came down from the walls; knick-knacks came down from the shelves. And with each thing I placed in the box, another piece of the former girl was laid to rest with it. Once, I was brought near to tears in the process, for though to some it was just a spring clean-out, I knew it was much more.

As the Lord brings me farther on my journey, He’s teaching me that it’s time to learn to let go. Let go and let God. At the close of January, He taught me to let go of my control of my life and allow Him to do whatever He wants in and through me, no matter what the consequences might be. At the end of March, He taught me to let go of my own dreams and plans for my life and allow Him to unfold His plans in my life and to turn my heart toward the dreams He plants inside of me. At the beginning of this month, He began to teach me to learn to let go of the companionship and comfort of others and learn to walk alone with Him for a season on this journey of faith.

Now He continues to teach me to let go of things in my life. As I follow His call to maturity and to spreading my wings for Him, I’m having to learn to let go of the security I find in my parents. They’ve always been there to shelter and protect me my entire life, and now He’s calling me to learn to let go a little, not of our relationship, but of that safe haven. To find my shelter in Him alone and be the individual He’s calling me to be. Likewise, my parents are having to learn to let their last daughter go and grow up in this upcoming season now. I’m having to learn to let go in my heart of my home as I feel God drawing my heart away to missions work, even if it turns out to only be a test of how much I’ll give up for Him. I’m learning to let go of my own needs and desires, my own agenda and convenience, to serve others as Christ teaches me to serve selflessly and sacrificially. My best friend and I who have always been so close growing up- like sisters for as long as I can remember- now have less in common as our interests, hobbies, and situations have begun to change as we grow older. I’m learning that it’s time now to begin letting go of her as well. Not of our friendship, but I’m realizing it’s time to let go and allow her to be her own person and live her own life, even when it calls us to travel down different paths.

When I had left my riding lessons, I had left behind much more than my dream of working with horses. I had let go of the insecurities and struggles I had gone through during that season of my life. I had let go of my crutch of security, familiarity, source of confidence, and place of belonging. In doing so, I had signified that Christ was now all that I needed. He was now my security, my familiarity, my guide, my true source of confidence. Walking in Him and in His will for my life was where I really belonged and found my genuine fulfillment. It was a symbol of my submission to His will no matter how difficult it might be and no matter what it costs me to give up. It signified for me the full embracing of the person He’s calling me to be.

As I packed away all of my western things, my parents reminded me that I didn’t necessarily have to clear out all of the horse and cowgirl things from my room. From a physical perspective, they were right; I didn’t have to. But they didn’t understand the spiritual significance of that moment. I had already taken the first step to letting go of the person I used to be, but packing up the things that girl loved and that were a reflection of her, putting them away and laying them to rest, sealed the work that first step had begun. As I said, I was moving out. The old girl was packing to leave and the new girl was unpacking to stay. I knew in my heart then that I couldn’t keep in my bedroom any longer the western things of my room. Of the former girl. I knew God had called me to give that season of my life up, to let go, and I realized that when He calls you to do that, you can’t try to hold on still. You cannot try to hold onto the things of old and try to embrace the new at the same time. Your hands can only hold so much, and when God calls you to let go of something in your life, there’s a reason for it. He won’t leave your hands empty forever, He’s showing me. For everything He calls you to let go of, He will someday fill its place with something new, just as He blessed Abraham with innumerable descendants because of his willingness to give up his only son for the Lord (Ge 22:17) and just as He blessed Job with twice as much prosperity as he had lost (Job 42:10). It may not be in the physical realm, but He will fill empty hands lifted to Him in surrender. And when God gave up His only son for us, how can we refuse to let go of anything in our lives for Him? I knew that afternoon as I worked at packing up my old things that I couldn’t try to hold onto the old and still expect Him to bring the new into my life. So everything went, and in doing so, I told God that I was willing to let go of anything for Him and that I was ready to become the young woman He wants me to be.

That night, as I returned to my bedroom to go to sleep, I cast a glance around my room. The walls were bare, the shelves were empty, my desk was sparse. It truly looked as if someone was either moving in or moving out. At the time, I didn’t have any idea what my new room would look like. But everything had been cleared away and was an empty page now to be written on- or decorated, whatever was going to come. The old had gone and the new was coming. And once again, my bedroom reflected my life.

“‘In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.’” Luke 14:33&35

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Christian Nutrition

I love meat. I’m what my Uncle Fred calls a “meat-eterian.” A big, thick, juicy steak at Longhorn’s… Oh, my goodness, it’s a weakness of mine. I was enjoying the Lord’s presence a couple of Saturday mornings ago when this illustration came to me using… yes, you guessed it. Steak.

In Hebrews, Chapter 5, it says, “Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” (Heb 5:13&14) If you’ve been a Christian for very long, you’ve probably heard before a believer’s spiritual growth compared to the contrast between the milk that an infant drinks and the meat that an adult eats. As a believer, as you mature in your relationship with the Lord, your spiritual appetite increases along with your spiritual understanding and you take the milestone of graduating from drinking milk- “baby food”- to eating meat- “grown-up food.”

I’m realizing that God has begun to serve me solid food now as He’s calling me to cross new milestones not only in my physical life but in my spiritual life as well. As He’s calling me to begin “growing up” spiritually. The milk is being left behind and can no longer satisfy my spiritual appetite.

But as a Christian begins to eat that thick, juicy steak of the depth of God’s Word, he’s going to encounter some things in his life that he never has before. With every step we take closer to knowing God, the Enemy combats with an attack to try to counter our move and drive us back to our weak position as helpless, naïve, and vulnerable “baby” Christians. There are a few tactics of his that struck me particularly as it pertains to this illustration.

As I mentioned briefly in my prior post Passion or Passivity, one of the ways the Enemy enjoys combatting is by using those closest to you. As you begin to eat a steak, every now and then you come across gristle. God sometimes uses the people closest to us in our lives to speak through. Their godly counsel is a blessing as they speak God’s Word into our situations and circumstances. But sometimes, it turns out that not everything people say is from God; it’s not always part of the steak. Sometimes there will be a little gristle marbled in. Or as an even better comparison perhaps, sometimes there’s a bone in the beef every now and then. We all know that eating a bone is a dangerous thing; it can puncture and do some serious damage. So can a word of counsel or advice that isn’t from the Lord. It can plant doubts and questioning and try our faith and trust in God if we accept it and allow it to find root in our hearts and minds. Does that mean that we should just avoid counsel altogether to be on the safe side? Absolutely not! God uses people in our lives; godly counsel and wise advice is important and needed as a Christian matures in his relationship with the Lord. God-given relationships with people are a gift and a blessing to support and encourage us in our journey of faith. You don’t completely avoid eating steak just because there might be a bone or some gristle in it. But you do need to have discernment to judge between what is steak and what is gristle.

How do you do that? By using your “steak knife” to separate the steak from the gristle. “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (Heb 4:12&13) If a steak knife will do the job, a sword definitely will! The Enemy likes to use good things for evil. Just as he can quote Scripture for his own purpose, so he will sometimes use good counsel and advice given with the best intentions for his own use. That’s why as a Christian begins to mature spiritually and eat solid food, he absolutely must compare everything spoken to him with the Word of God. The written Word and the Words spoken to him by God, for God will not contradict Himself and use someone to tell His child the opposite of what He has already told His child Himself. Although sometimes it would be easier to live as a hermit for the rest of our lives, we can’t avoid these kinds of situations. There will always be people close to us who will give their advice, their counsel, and their opinions, sometimes even just a comment spoken lightly. And as humans, there will be times when the Enemy uses their words for evil rather than for good as he tries to hamper our spiritual growth. Sometimes, the advice given might be good advice even but just because something is good does not necessarily mean that it is from God. The fruit that Eve ate was good, but it was not God Who told her to eat it. That’s why spending time in prayer and in the Lord’s written Word is so important to divide the good meat from the gristle, the words from Him from the words that are not from Him. What is from God, accept it; what is not from God, reject it. “But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” (Heb 5:14)

Another tactic of the Enemy is to try to season your steak. So many philosophies and ideologies abound in our world and in our culture today. So many people will try to change the “taste” of your faith and of the Gospel. But the Bible says that “every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.” (Pr 30:5&6) Be wary of any teachings or doctrines that don’t align with the Word of God and run from those who try to change the “taste” of His Word in any way.

The other strategy that particularly struck me in this illustration is the Enemy’s use of steak sauces. When you add A1 sauce to your steak, what’re you doing? You’re covering up some of its natural flavor, right? The Enemy loves to use distractions in his warfare. Most of us are probably pretty good at recognizing and avoiding the bad distractions in our lives- as Christians, we kind of get that; but not all distractions are necessarily your blatant “bad” things. Sometimes the Enemy’s best instruments, in fact, can be the good things in your life. The things that we would never suspect to be a hindrance or stumbling block to our faith. Relationships, jobs, hobbies… It could be anything. And not every distraction we can rid our lives of completely. Like work and relationships sometimes. But if something in your life is distracting from your relationship with the Lord and hindering your obedience to His call, if it consumes more of your life and your focus than God does, than it definitely needs adjusting at least. And for those “sauces” that can be cut out of our lives completely, we may need to do just that. Anything that the Enemy can use to take away from the “flavor” of God’s Word and work in your life, he will likely try to use. A maturing Christian must not only be aware for gristle and bones and seasonings, but he also has to be on guard for steak sauces. Eating solid food definitely requires some multi-tasking; it’s no wonder that believer’s must begin their journey with God by growing on milk first.

Wrapping up this illustration though, what if we use our steak to represent not only God’s word in our lives but our spiritual lives themselves? Before a steak can be served for a meal, it must first be grilled. As it’s on the grill, the steak is purified of any bacteria, and fat and some juices from the steak drip down into the fire beneath. So it is with our spiritual lives. Sometimes God will call us to walk through some hardships and some trials- to be grilled over the fire- to purify us from things in our lives that aren’t from Him. Yes, sometimes it will hurt; maybe we’ll have to lose some “juices,” things that seem as a part of who we are as the blood that runs through our veins. But the end result, as the trial passes, we emerge looking more like Him, and we’re ready to be “served” to the lost and hungry souls in the world so that through us, they might come to “taste and see that the Lord is good…” (Ps 34:8)

Along with setting us afire with a passion for Him, the Lord wants His children to mature in their relationships with Him and in their understanding of spiritual matters, to take on the challenge of graduating to eating solid food and not to be content forever with lingering in infancy. As believers in Him, our appetite for His Word should continuously be growing so that we aren’t content with just milk anymore. We should want more depth. God doesn’t want His children to remain as baby Christians but to grow and mature in Him as “carnivorous Christians.” To crave the spiritual meat of His written and spoken Word.

“Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” Hebrews 5:13&14

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Friday, May 17, 2013

Passivity or Passion?

Dear readers, to begin, the words that I am about to write have broken my heart this past week and have made me perhaps uncommonly pensive. So much has been weighing upon my spirit that it is difficult to express what has been on my heart these past days.

Almost two years ago, my mom and I first visited a place near our home called the Monastery of the Holy Spirit (see The Monastery of the Holy Spirit from August 2012). What I saw in the monks there was a deep and intimate relationship with the Lord that I didn’t have at the time. But I wanted the kind of relationship with God that they had.

Now, almost two years later, I realize that I finally understand the intimacy and depth of the relationship they had with Him. I’m not more spiritual or religious than others, but as I have grown deeper and closer in my relationship with God, I finally understand now the kind of relationship I saw that they had with Him because I’ve experienced it now myself. I can relate now.

There are few people I know, in fact, with whom I feel this spiritual connection. The monks at the Monastery of the Holy Spirit are the majority of this group. My pastor is another. This past Sunday morning, my pastor began a new message series on our relationship with God as the Potter and the clay and the qualities that we, as the clay, need to cultivate in our lives to allow God to mold and make us into the vessels that He desires for us to be. As I sat and listened to Pastor Dustin preach, I knew what he was talking about. This isn’t to say that I didn’t find anything in his message with which to walk away with- there’s always more to learn- but much of what he was describing, I had either recently experienced in my spiritual life over the past few months or I’m experiencing now in this season in which I’m in. I could relate to the kind of relationship with God that he was speaking of. It was something I could understand. And as I listened, his words flamed the fire of God in my heart into a blaze. The passion for God burned so strongly within me, in fact, that I felt like a Coca-Cola bottle being shaken, and the cap was about to pop off and the fizz overflow. My heart cried out to God, “Oh, Lord, I can’t live like this! But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I can’t live without an outlet for my passion for Him to overflow, I’m realizing, but I can’t live without that passion either.

As Pastor spoke, I looked about the sanctuary at the faces around me and my eyes were opened. I saw so many familiar people, so many wide-eyes, so many hearts soaking up the words of Pastor Dustin’s message. I saw good Christian people who, if they had died right then and there, would’ve gone to Heaven I’m sure. But I saw passive Christians hungry for the kind of extraordinary, intimate relationship with God that Pastor was describing. Where was the passion? Why did I not see in these people’s faces the light of the fire of God that I felt overwhelming me as I sat there? And it broke my heart as I realized that so many in my own church family surrounding me there didn’t understand the relationship with God that I have experienced. That Pastor Dustin has experienced. That the monks at the monastery have experienced. They couldn’t relate to what Pastor was saying. They didn’t have the relationship with God that I’ve enjoyed these past few months. I realized that they didn’t have what I have.

There’s nothing extra-special about me or the monks or my pastor that have made us any more eligible for this kind of relationship with God; with my tendency to fight against God’s will, I’m certain to be in one of the less deserving categories. In fact, the more I see of God’s perfection, the more I see my imperfection. There isn’t anything magical or mysterious about it. It’s just a matter of simple, blind faith and absolute, unconditional submission to His will. Anyone can have that kind of passionate relationship with God.

To rewind a bit though, I’ve long had a burden and deep compassion for people. In fact, that heart for others that God’s given me can be seen in a couple of my posts here. I’ve felt a draw toward missions work before, not foreign missions but missionary work here in the States. But I’ve also always planned to stay living close to my family. I never imagined it any other way. But the Wednesday before last, God revealed to me that someday He just might call me forth with my future husband to move away to another state to pursue a lifestyle of ministering to others. Perhaps it would be just for a season; perhaps it would be for the rest of our lives. He didn’t tell me that much. But as I reflected on all that I would have to give up should He ever call me to make that sacrifice someday, it broke my heart. It would mean leaving behind my family and all familiarity to go to a strange place and minister to people I’ve never met before. It would mean perhaps starting and raising our family away from the place where I grew up. It would mean my children might grow up distant from their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, visiting only a couple times a year. It would mean leaving behind some of the luxuries I’ve grown accustomed to in my well-situated life at home. It would mean keeping in touch with my family and friends through text messages, phone calls, and emails. But if that’s what God calls me to someday, would I be willing to give all of that up to follow a burden and a passion He’s placed on my heart and the heart of my future husband? And though a decision like that would break my parents’ heart and my own, I promised Him in that moment that I would. I’ll go if He ever calls me to make that sacrifice someday.

As I looked around the sanctuary at the faces of my church family last Sunday, the missionary call aroused in my heart again and stirred further. I wanted them all to have the kind of intimacy with God that I have. And I suddenly felt so alone. A restlessness drove me to frustration, the frustration that is a prerequisite to change. I’m tired of feeling like an alien when I talk of details of my relationship with God. I’m tired of feeling like I live in another world when God brings me to a new level in my spiritual walk. I’m tired of having people believe my testimony of what God’s doing in my life because they believe me and not because they’ve personally experienced the incredible touch and power of God in their day-to-day life. I’m tired of watching Christians settle for an average relationship with the Lord and content themselves with a habitual spiritual life. Daily routines are necessary, yes. Passionless spiritual lives are not. Where is the impossible being made possible? Where is the unbelievable being believed by faith and trust in the Lord’s awesome and miraculous capabilities to do the unexpected? Where are the extraordinary stories of lives being brought to new places so often? Where are the incredible testimonies of what God is doing in people’s lives? Reflecting on the journey God has taken me on these past few months, it sounds hardly believable. But what He is doing in my life is no more than what He wants to do in the lives of each of His children. He has called us to so much more than what we often settle for. He’s called us to live an extraordinary life daily directed and guided by Him even as we go about our essential everyday routines. He’s called us to live as passionate Christians on fire for Him, not as weak, passive, common Christians. I used to live a normal life before I allowed God to rule and take control, but since then, He has transformed my life into an incredible journey that with Him is exciting every day and I would never want to go back to the way it was before. I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna be just a “good Christian” anymore. And I wanna share with everyone the kind of relationship I’ve found with God and wish that everyone in the world could experience the joy and the life-changing power of it that I’ve experienced. I want everyone to be able to understand my testimony not because they trust me to be telling the truth, but because they have experienced the same kind of power in their own life and can relate to what I’m talking about.

With this kind of relationship with God though, I feel very alone at times. I’m finding that the people I’ve always felt most connected to, I feel spiritually disconnected with now. I feel alienated from them in my spiritual walk. As we discuss spiritual matters, I feel like I’m from a different planet and talking like a stereotypical charismatic Pentecostal. I’m coming to realize that sometimes though it’s easier for a new Christian who has never stopped moving to grow closer in his relationship with God than it is for a long-time believer to break out of his rut of complacency once he has stopped in his growth-spurt. Also, I’m learning that sometimes, the people you love the most can be more of a hindrance to your spiritual growth than a help. The people closest to you have your best intentions in mind; they only want the best for you. Therefore, they freely share their opinions and advice and concerns, even doubts and skepticism at times. Godly counsel is good, yes, but even those that love you the most are still human and their advice can sometimes be a hindrance by planting doubts and distrust in your mind rather being the help they intended their advice to be. The Enemy loves distorting the words of your loved ones sometimes. This is especially true, I’m learning, when there is spiritual disconnection present. Sometimes, when you find yourself in the midst of people you love to death but feel in a very different spiritual experience than them, you can only grow so much spiritually there.

I’m reminded of Jesus’ experience in His own hometown, surrounded by people He knew and loved. “Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. ‘Where did this man get these things?’ they asked. ‘What’s this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?’ And they took offense at him. Jesus said to them, ‘Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor.’ He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their lack of faith.” (Mk 6:1-6) Sometimes being among your loved ones is the hardest place to do the Lord’s work, and therefore, sometimes He calls us forth to leave the ones dearest to us so that we may continue to grow in Him.

With each day that passes, my restlessness to do His work and my burden for people continues to grow. And with each day that passes, the spiritual disconnection I feel with so many of those around me confirms the feeling in my heart that I won’t be here in this place forever. This brings with it a new perspective of life for me. Every day, I try to savor the moments and cherish the time I still have here at home with my loved ones, but at the same time, the coke bottle fizz is ready to burst through an outlet and my heart stirs with restlessness to begin that next step in my life of doing what I feel He will call me to do… someday. And the waiting for that someday is so difficult at times. But finally, the pieces are beginning to align. Perhaps the Lord took away my former dreams because one day, a young man will have a dream- a calling of God- so big that it’ll need to be shared and my own dreams would only be a hindrance in my enthusiasm and support of it. Perhaps He’ll one day call me to use my gift of words, not to write novels, but to document my own journey of faith and ministry as an encouragement and inspiration to others. Perhaps that’s why He’s calling me to cross so many milestones in so little time… because perhaps He’ll call me forth sooner than I anticipate.

But for now, I wait, I pray, I work through the milestones before me, I shoulder for now the feelings of loneliness on my journey of faith. I allow Him to continue preparing my heart for service and sacrifice, stirring in my heart a change-producing restlessness, deepening the burden in my heart to share His love with others, and spurring me to continue trying to encourage those around me to live not as passive Christians, but as passionate Christians who make a difference in the world around them and pursue a relationship with God that goes deeper than the standard which most people are content to settle for. I’m not content with an average life anymore. I’m not content with “enough” of God. There is no such thing for me; I can’t get enough of Him. God does not want to be a part of your life; He wants to be your life. He wants to so saturate every part of your being that you cannot answer the question “So what’s been going on with you lately?” without testifying to what He’s doing in your heart, though some may react to your answer as though you’re speaking in riddles. The Lord wants an extraordinary life for you and for me, my friends. Don’t settle for just being a “good Christian,” but seek a deeper relationship with Him than you’ve ever known before and allow Him to set you so on fire for Him and turn your passivity into passion for Him. I pray that you’ll become one of the lives that my heart connects with spiritually, and that you’ll come to believe in the unbelievable because of personal experience. It’s the difference, friends, between night and day, between white and black, between passion and passivity.

“But if I say, ‘I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.” Jeremiah 20:9

*I so love the song Embers by Owl City. If you’re not familiar with it, look it up. Although it’s not technically in the Christian genre, it reminds me of our mission together as the body of Christ every time I hear it. I also love the song The Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole.

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