Fifty Lessons

Looking back on my year the past couple weeks, I've had to ask myself: "If I could go back to January, what things would I tell myself?" Through family and friends and church and life, what lessons has this year taught me?

Fifty Lessons 2014 Taught Me

1. Don't let fear hold you back. Push past it. Because some of the most amazing things are also some of the scariest: skydiving, ziplining, falling in love, getting married, giving birth, being first-time parents, moving to a new place, changing jobs, etc. 

2. Regret is not inevitable. Regret is a choice. 

3. Don't make assumptions. 

4. Don't be so hard on yourself. No one expects you to be perfect. 

5. When insecurity rises, fight it. Meet those negative thoughts head on and counteract them. Verbally remind yourself of how awesome you are and of all your best qualities- the things that make you wonderful, beautiful you. Because insecurity will always bite at some point. Kick it to the curb. 

6. Learn to laugh at yourself and let others love you through your quirks and your awkward moments. 

7. The people who love you, love and accept YOU. All of you. Your brokenness, your fears, your faults, your weaknesses, and your silliness along with your strength, your confidence, and your best qualities. And the people who don't? Who cares what they think anyways, right? Right. 

8. God follows His timetable in your life, not yours. And He's in no major hurry. Deal with it. 

9. If you find yourself overanalyzing a situation, go back to your first take on it. Chances are, you're first impression of it was probably right before your mind started overthinking. Overthinking is a menace. 

10. Let yourself feel. It's important. The joy, the love, the fear, the hurt, the nervousness, the excitement, the anticipation, the sadness... Feel it all. Don't numb yourself. God gave us the capability of emotions for a reason. 

11. Social media can make things messy. Don't judge someone's feelings for you or opinion of you based off of your interaction on social media (or lack of). Talk to them face-to-face. 

12. Sometimes words are just inadequate. Some of the best things you can hear aren't the things you hear in words. 

13. Eye contact is powerful. 

14. Don't be afraid to step outside of your personality preference. People who are different from you can contribute a lot to your life and teach you so much. 

15. Clothes aren't tailored for body types: they're made for cookie-cutter shapes. Your body is perfect for you. The problem is the clothes, not your body shape. You're made unique and beautiful. 

16. You ARE beautiful. Period. Regardless of what you choose to wear or whether you have your makeup on or you did your hair. And people see you in a much more beautiful light than you usually see yourself.

17. "You are beautiful" means more than "You look beautiful." Though both are nice to hear. 

18. Don't despise the hard seasons of life. They're the best times for growing spiritually and draw you closest to God. Enjoy them. Savor them. 

19. It's okay not to have all the answers. 

20. Know the difference between friends and acquaintances and who in your life is which one. 

21. There's a big difference between hope and expectation. 

22. Find that one thing that makes you happy when you're feeling down. For me, it's anything tropical: seashells, beach pictures, island-scent perfume, Hawaiian prints, palm trees, island-y foods, etc. 

23. As a kid, you're a kid and you love toys. As a teen, you want to be grown up and you hate toys. As a young adult, you're grown up and you unashamedly love toys again. And that's okay. 

24. Good intentions are never enough to accomplish goals. 

25. There's a time to give up and there's a time to hold on and wait. 

26. Following God's plans can get lonely. When God speaks to your heart, not everyone else may see what you see. Some things He speaks to you exclusively and you just have to have faith. 

27. The Lord speaks in many different ways. Learn to recognize His voice in whatever form it comes. 

28. Optimism tops negativity any day. 

29. Don't listen to sad music when you're down. Pity-parties console but they never brighten your outlook. 

30. Things change quickly. Make memories and hold them close as you move forward. Like old photographs, bring them out every now and then for a good laugh or just to make you smile. But never let them make you discontentment. The past is the past for a reason even if we don't understand what that reason is. You can't go back. 

31. Sometimes God works in your life and in your heart apart from your control. Don't try to fight Him and get into a power-struggle. You'll lose every time. 

32. It's okay to be real. There's more to you than what strangers see passing by. Don't be afraid to let the inner layers of yourself show with all of its marvelous intricacies and complexities. The sight of a blossom will capture attention but it's the systems and molecules and atoms that capture the mind. You can't fully appreciate something that you don't understand. 

33. Accidents, goof-ups, and mistakes aren't always accidents. Sometimes God uses them and you realize that they're the best thing that could've happened. 

34. Anyone who says that love will never make you cry has never really loved in any way. Love is like a mirror, showing you more about yourself- your strengths AND your worst side- and making you into a better person. And that hurts. But it's supposed to. It's the best love that grows you and that changes you to face everything about yourself that you try to ignore. That encourages you to become more like Christ. Be thankful for its transformation. Also we're all human and as you get closer to someone, you see their humanity more: we all make mistakes, we all unintentionally hurt each other's feelings at times. It's part of growing close to someone. 

35. When you stop trying to be beautiful is when you become the most beautiful. 

36. Don't settle in life. Choose "between what you want now and what you want most."

37. Never allow "good enough" to be enough. But always be realistic in your standards: don't expect a toddler to draw a da Vinci painting but don't accept from da Vinci just a toddler's art.  

38. Make your own opinions of people. Don't just accept the opinions others have of them. 

39. Knowing someone better and knowing someone deeper are different levels of intimacy. One person may know more of an individual's favorite things but another person may know more of their thoughts and feelings. Broad knowledge is learned by small talk; deep knowledge is learned by heart-to-heart talks. 

40. The story God has written for your life might not sound the same as someone else's. Don't compare. Neither story is better. They're both just different. Nobody wants to read identical story plots. 

41. Always strip away the dollar signs before measuring the true success of a life. 

42. Fall in love with the outdoors. 

43. "In all things God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28) He works things out for YOUR good. He doesn't lead you through situations just for others' good so you can minister to them through your testimony. He doesn't walk you through hardships just for others' sake. It's always for your own good as well. 

44. Children are blunt. Learn from the positive side of their honesty and don't leave things unsaid that should be spoken. 

45. Friends are invaluable. Love them to death and let them know it. And everyone should have one friend who can always make them laugh, one friend who will listen and cry with them, and one friend who will tell them the hard truth and keep them accountable. It can be three friends or one. 

46. Compliment people to their faces, not to their backs. 

47. There are always more people who love you than you realize. 

48. God has a reason for everything. His timing is perfect. And though you might not always see it in the moment, hindsight reveals a lot. 

49. Life is a journey, not a destination. Life is now to be lived in the present; life isn't when you reach some point, some ambition, in the future. 

50. Don't be a control-freak. Life throws us some curveballs we can't always prepare for and that's okay. Enjoy the ride. Because at the end of the day, life is a truly beautiful thing. 

Bonus: Chocolate + Coconut = the best thing ever 

Merry Christmas

It came upon a midnight clear

O'er two thousand years ago

When the guiding star once shone its light

We now hang the mistletoe

We hang the stockings by the chimney

We twine garland up the stair

Candlelight dances on the walls

Carols are sung without a care

The colorful bulbs illuminate

By the lights upon the tree

In the fireplace, we set logs ablaze

On the doors, we hang our wreaths

We gather round the family

Cozy blankets and cocoa

Laughter rings throughout our homes

Watching Christmas movies of old

Headlights of traffic light up the town

Hordes of shoppers buzz around

Christmas concerts and Christmas plays

We stay bustling night and day

But amidst the cheer of the season bright

The festivities, traditions, and glowing lights

The crowds need stop and slow their

pace

To reflect on what the world celebrates...

He came upon a midnight clear

O're two thousand years ago

A craggy stable, a mother in pain

To the world, birthing Hope unknown

Cold sweat on her brow, gritting her teeth

Gripping the hand of the man at her side

She bore in that moment, God's only Son

The chasm of sin to make right

The star hung bright in the heavens

As angels lit up the sky

Shepherds came to see the new King 

From keeping their flock nearby

In a moment of pain, the Babe entered the world

By a moment of pain, He would leave

The will of His Father, His task fulfilled

The Way of restoration and peace

Two thousand years later, by the lamplight's glow

On the tabletop, a scene not to forget

Among ceramic camels, palm trees, and sheep

Virgin Mary and Joseph were set

Love doesn't always look like

The way the world would have us to think

It isn't always a bride in white

Or a lustrous diamond ring

It isn't always hearts and flowers 

Or a romantic dinner for two

It isn't always Cupid's arrow

Or a kiss 'neath the full moon

It isn't always even a cross

As some believers like to say

The blood that was shed on Calvary

Our debt of sins to pay

Sometimes love comes quietly 

Sleeping swaddled in a manger of hay

The greatest love often comes

In the most unexpected ways  

Between Joseph and Mary in the Nativity

Slender fingers laid the infant King

The Light of the world, the Hope of Man

Love to the least of these

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=4n0GGmYbz38

A Heart of Humility

This is a pretty untraditional Christmas post and I usually don't share this intimate of details about my personal life, but it's out of our experiences that God uses us to minister to others and to encourage and inspire, right?

I've been struggling a little the past few months. Just admitting that is hard. This Christmas has been a little difficult for me. 

If there's one thing that I pray for most frequently for myself, I would have to say that it's humility. Time and time again, I find myself asking the Lord to humble me. Because I'm a girl with a lot of pride and sometimes, it's a struggle to keep that pride in check. It's like a shrubbery that you have to keep pruning back. And oftentimes, I find myself asking for the Lord to humble me by whatever means He chooses. Whatever it takes. 

Sometimes God answers our prayers with a "no," sometimes He answers with a "wait." But sometimes He answers with a "yes" and gives us exactly what we ask for. Really, be very conscious and intentional about what you pray for. 

I got my prayer answered with a "yes." The past several months, God has ushered me into a season of humility that I've never felt before. And it's been hard. So hard. Humility is never an easy thing. But the Lord's used so much to begin humbling my heart. 

In no particular order, first, there's my driver's license. While most young adults are expected to have their driver's license by high school graduation, I'm still twenty-years-old and working toward getting my license. With holiday busyness, my Christmas deadline for getting my license had to be postponed and pushed forward into the new year. Admitting this and having to turn down invitations and social opportunities because of it is very humbling.

Secondly, I'm completely unemployed now and I'm under financial strain this holiday season. For a proud girl who has a very difficult time asking for help and accepting offered help from anyone, it's been very humbling having to ask my parents to buy for me little necessities because the price of small things add up. 

Thirdly, I've have had to work at forgiving some individuals. Going head-to-head with your pride and its justification of how you should be treated is hard to do. 

Fourth, life threw me an unexpected curveball in the second half of this year and I was thrown off balance. I was very abruptly reminded in the midst of my easy little life that there are things that happen that I can't prepare for. That I can't always anticipate. That there are things in my life that I can't be in control of. For a girl who loves planning and anticipating and having everything in smooth running order, this is a really really hard fact to accept. 

Fifth, I spent a few days out of town on vacation with my parents a couple weeks ago for the first time in almost two years. And I confess, there was a lot I was hoping to clear my mind and my heart from. But as I was in Florida and as I returned, I realized those things- the passions and love in my heart- was not something that I could remove myself with my strong will or all of the determination in me. Teeth gritted and knuckles white, I realized that you just can't remove from your heart what God has put there. That is an aspect of myself that I simply can't control- that I absolutely have to give God full authority over to do what He wants with it. And that lack of control both humbles me and terrifies me as much as it did when I first recognized it nearly two years ago. 

Sixth, I had to humble myself a couple months back and make a serious apology. I had to make myself vulnerable and show a broken piece of myself that very few even of my closest circle have seen. That gave my pride a big pruning to admit that I had treated someone wrongly and to have to remove the face of composure and strength that the world only sees and let my weaknesses show. 

Seventh, I've prayed for others and encouraged, inspired, and gave advice for their situations from my own experiences. I've watched God move in those situations, which has been awesome and has been a blessing to my heart that I rejoice and thank God for! But it's been humbling and difficult when to my physical eyes right now my own circumstances from whence I encourage those others seems at a standstill. 

And eighth, as another year draws to a close, I've had to look back over the past two years and admit to myself that I have no more direction and guidance for my future career now than I did this time last year. And it's plagued me with stress of the unknown ahead and with the feeling again of lostness. 

I've been very humbled lately in the past months. I've been very broken. I've shed some tears, I've felt some hurt, and I've asked God a lot of "why?" 

But I wouldn't trade it. I really wouldn't. Because amidst the stress and the mental exhaustion, the brokenness and the humility, God is taking me to a place that I've never been before. 

He's opened my eyes to realize how loved I truly am. I mean, really, I am one loved young woman. Give love and love comes back maybe? I don't know. 

But not having my driver's license yet has shown me just how many people genuinely care about me rather than judging me based off of my skills or my abilities or even off of my achievements. How many people who don't form their opinion of me from whether I drive on my own yet or not, whether I have a steady paying job yet or whether I have plans to pursue a college education. They understand where I am and they look at who I am, my character, my heart, my love for the Lord and for others, and they love me for me. They respect me for me. And it has amazed me profoundly how many people are willing to meet me halfway or even pick me up at my house or drive me home far out of their way to make a situation work just because they genuinely want to see me and spend time with me. Just because they care about me and are willing to offer me a ride. 

Not having a job and needing to ask for financial help has reminded me of what a blessing of wonderful parents that I have. It's shown me that no matter what comes in my life, even in the life of my own family in the future, that my parents will always be there with abounding love and open arms to help me however they can. 

And having to apologize to my friend... That has reminded me over and over again in my hardest moments just how unconditionally the Lord loves me. It has reminded me that His love is unshakable. That with all of my fears, my weaknesses, my mistakes, my faults, and my broken pieces, He still loves me and accepts me just as I am. Even in so many times when I have mistreated Him, blamed Him, hardened my heart and drawn cold toward Him, even when I think He couldn't possibly still love me, He leaves me speechless time and time again as He proves that there is nothing I can possibly do that will make Him any less willing to forgive me and that will make Him love me any less through it all. And even through His conviction on my heart leading me to my apology, God was gracious: my friend I apologized to was gentler, more caring, and more understanding than I could've ever expected. 

God's taught me that His plans and His timing isn't the same for everyone. That He has a timeline in ordering my steps and the events of my life that is unique and perfectly tailored just for me and the plans He has for my future. I can't see what's ahead but He can. And I'm learning that God does a lot more work behind the scenes than we see physical evidence of in the moment because He works from the inside out. 

God has brought me to a place of such desperation and confusion and brokenness of pride that I have had no choice but to let go. In so many ways, He's brought me back to two years ago, to the very beginning when He first called me forward onto this incredible spiritual journey of learning to trust Him with everything in me. To give Him control of every part of my life. To be obedient and follow His leading no matter what it cost me. And I've been brought back to that place of total abandoned surrender to Him. To that place of faith and trust and hope that I had never known. To that place of having awakened in my heart a love more pure and more unconditional than I had ever felt before. 

He's teaching me that it's okay to feel. In having my pride hurt and broken yet again, He's teaching me that it's okay to feel it. That I don't have to try to mask my emotions, put on a brave face, and convince myself that I still have everything under control and that I'm all put together. The act of feeling is part of forgiving myself.  

Because having a lot of pride, I'm very hard on myself. It's very easy for me to hone in on my faults and my weaknesses and to really knock myself around emotionally on some days. I don't like feeling weakness and less-than-perfect. So many times, I just don't let myself slow down, stop, and feel.

But a few weeks ago, I really broke. I was alone in my bedroom, it was late at night, and the weight of the past few months just came crashing down. I really lost my composure. Tears just started coming in constant sobs for about an hour. I hadn't cried that long in almost a year. 

There I was. Sitting on my bed, tears streaming down my face, I was crying out partly to myself, partly a prayer of my heart. "I'm not okay," I confessed aloud, "but I will be. I always manage to pull myself together again temporarily. But I'm tired of band-aids. I'm tired of being put back together just until I break again." 

And in that moment of brokenness, I heard that still, small voice I had heard so much last year through my hardest moments. In almost a year, I hadn't heard the Lord's voice in that way: not in a stirring in my spirit but in a nearly audible voice. And that time, He simply said very gently, very short but meaningfully, "You're broken so I can fix you."

I realized that maybe it was time I stopped condemning myself. Maybe I should let myself feel my brokenness and accept it. Maybe I should try to stop fixing the deep parts of myself that I don't even know exist but that are broken and messy and hurting sometimes. Maybe it was time that I allowed God to begin healing me and remaking me again through the humility of my broken pride. 

And lastly (for now in the season), God has shown me this season that the Nativity story is, of course, a story of love and joy and peace, of faith and of hope. But it's also a story of tremendous humility. Imagine being the King of kings, seated on the throne at the right hand of God the Father, and then coming to Earth in the form of a helpless dependent infant little baby boy. To be God, powerful and almighty, and yet to live and grow up as any other child in this world. To be incarnate and be betrayed, abused, ridiculed, mocked, and nailed to a cross. To know that you have the power to come down from that cross and that place of suffering but to choose to stay there, humbled with nails driven through your hands and feet and blood from your brow stinging your eyes. 

When I think of Christ's example of humility, I think of Him demonstrating servanthood by washing the feet of His disciples. But in this season, the Lord's been opening my eyes and revealing to me that that is not the greatest act of humility in His life here on earth as a man. His entire life here- His purpose for coming here- is a story of humility so great that I can't even comprehend it. Of so much humility. And it begins with the Christmas story on that clear night in Bethlehem over two thousand years ago when a miracle occurred as the Son of God was born and history was changed forever. 

Of everything that He's been teaching me through this season of humbling me, it's in His own example of humility that I've come to realize that some of the most profound and life-changing events birth from a humbled heart. And through the humility and the brokenness, that truth allows me to see with eyes focused on the Lord, hope dawned to light the new year. A hope that is illuminating my Christmas like never before. 

With humbled hearts filled with great joy, exceeding thankfulness, unwavering hope and faith, and a full understanding of the magnitude of His love for us... I pray each and every one of us be inspired this Christmas by the greatest Miracle of all. 

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." 

-Philippians 2:5-11

Amen! Merry Christmas to all of my loved ones- friends and family- near and far. May God bless you and your families this holiday season and in the new year to come. <3

Legacy of Love

Happy Anniversary today to my parents! 

They're truly my favorite couple and thinking of their love for each other warms my heart. I'm excited more than ever this year to have celebrated this special day in their life together. :)

My dad was from Missouri. My mom was from Florida. The white boy and the Puerto Rican chick. Lol. A mutual friend arranged for a blind double date between them. My mom was still in high school at the time; my dad was graduated. They both agreed to the date. 

Sure, I don't believe in love at first sight, but things went fair on that blind date and little did they both know at the time, that day had changed their lives forever. 

Soon a much younger Daddy was going to Mom's house to meet her parents. *butterflies* So scary! Running incredibly late and riding his bicycle but dependable as always, Dad showed up on their doorstep well past dinner and daylight. Not the best first impression. 

Still, my mom's mother fell in love with him. Those green eyes, head of curls, and deep dimples could charm any woman's heart. My mom's dad was a bit slower in opening his arms to welcome my mom's new love interest. But he must've known the beginning of love when he saw it... and perhaps he knew his daughter well enough to know that once her mind was made up, there was no stopping her. Because after a time of a little drama and complications of a father's skepticism, my parents were dating with her daddy's approval. They were young and in love. 

He was twenty-years-old with green eyes and dimples my mom was crazy about. He sported a highly-prized fire-engine red Camaro (after a falling-apart maroon Le Mans) and a headful of tight black curls. A strapping young carpenter working through college toward an IT degree. He was patient, passive, outgoing, and a high school dreamboat the life of a party. But he looked at my quiet mom with wonderstruck in his eyes. And he still does. 

She was sixteen-years-old (a mature sixteen-year-old). That wavy beach hair, an awesome tan, and those gorgeous big brown eyes. True, she was still in high school, she didn't drive, and she sure couldn't cook yet, but she made a pretty killer figure in those stiletto heels coordinated to match the color of every outfit. Trim and petite, red lipstick, a bit of spunk and strong-will? *knowing nod* Yup. 

"When did you know he was the one?" I asked my mom once. 

She smiled with remembrance. "When I was driving his Camaro and hit a pothole with first the front tire and then the back tire, and he didn't get mad." Two flat tires, a rainy day, and romance. 

November 25, 1985, they were married. My mom was seventeen; my dad was twenty-one. "They're too young," people said. "It'll never last." But it has. Twenty-nine years going strong toward their goal of a golden fifty. 

But it might not have lasted. Like any couple, they had their ups and downs. They had their successes and they had their mistakes. They had their rough waters just as much as their smooth seas. But they were committed. My dad loved my mom and his little family and my mom's strong determination never gave up on him. In a world of broken hearts, broken marriages, and broken homes, they never gave up over the years and never gave in. 

The following summer, my mom gave birth to their first baby daughter, my sister Christina. Nine months later, she was pregnant with Baby #2, my sister Becky. By the next January 1988, my parents were blessed with two little daughters to hold in their arms. 

Five years into their marriage, my mom came to know Jesus Christ and through her example of 1Peter 3:1&2, "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives," God opened the door to my dad's heart and he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior as well a few months later.  

Four years following the birth of their second daughter, my parents wanted another baby. And my mom became pregnant again! *squeal* The excitement! So you can imagine their dashed dreams when the doctor confirmed it to be a molar pregnancy and advised them not to risk trying to have another child. 

But they stayed strong together, supporting each other through the disappointment and the tears and the days when life weighed heavily. And after a year of weekly blood work for my mom, my parents decided to take the chance and risk trying to get pregnant once more. My mom got pregnant and in October, after a bit of complications in pregnancy, labor, and delivery, she gave birth to another healthy baby girl. Their third daughter: me. 

Married life wasn't always easy. There was a season when my dad was working two jobs to provide for his family and rarely got to spend much time with my mom and my sisters so my mom could stay at home with their girls. There were the years of financial struggles, when money was tight and finding the money for monthly bills was stressful. There was the year of living with my mom's parents while saving up money. And there was the year when my mom and sisters even had to scavenger for every loose coin in the house to buy a five dollar Christmas tree at a yard sale to celebrate Christmas with that year. 

And then shortly before my second birthday, there was the day when my dad was offered a new position in the company he worked at. A new position in Atlanta, Georgia. Leaving all my mom had ever known her whole life- all of her family, her friends, everything she knew- to go to a new unfamiliar place, my parents decided together to move to Georgia. To do what was best for their family. 

"Was that hard?" I would later ask my mom. Yes, she replied that it was. But her home was where her husband was. 

October 1996, they moved to Georgia and began their new life here. Shorter after, they moved from their temporary residence in an apartment to their own home, and in October 2002, they moved their family again into a big beautiful plantation-style home in the Atlanta suburbs. 

Laughter and love would fill that house in the next twelve years. Smiles would be captured and tears would be shed within its walls. There would be times of excess money to spend on luxuries and times of cutting back on their spending. Times of convenience and travel and financial blessing for the hard times of the past. Times of holding their children close and times of watching them leave the nest. Times of prayer and worship and fellowship with friends close to their heart. Times of celebrating milestones and birthdays, achievements and successes and holidays. Weddings and new birth and new romance. Times of welcoming prospective boyfriends, new son-in-laws, and a new granddaughter. There would be giggles and memories and weekend movie nights. There would be woven into the threads of that house, into the pattern of their lives, a legacy. A legacy of love would be built and carried on through their generations. 

My parents still live in that house and I with them. With their two oldest daughters married and moved out, the big rooms are left emptier and unoccupied until all their daughters and their families come home for the holidays. In our young lives, my sisters and I face our own seasons of uncertainty now. My sister Becky faces the sometimes unpredictable adventure of homemaking and having a new family of her own. My sister Christina faces the challenges of new marriage and a new home. And my own future of a career and a relationship remains yet uncharted. But our parents remain our anchor, our stability. Like a mountain, we know wherever life takes us and whatever comes our way, they'll always still be there with arms wide open and love abounding for us to come home, back to the heart of our family. 

And for me? Their love is an inspiration that's bringing tears to my eyes as I'm writing this. They've taught me how to love deeply, unconditionally. How to hold fast. And not how to love only romantically but how to lavish love everywhere I go. Love is love. They've influenced my perspective of relationships and of marriage and of family. They've influenced the kind of young man I'm attracted to and could envision a future with, and they've influenced the way that I demonstrate love in my life. My mom daily demonstrates for me the reconciliation of godly submission with a strong will (something I'm going to need!). They've taught me what truly has the most value in life and they've taught me the importance of compromise and sacrifices sometimes in life and in love. They've shown me that with enough sacrifice, selflessness, commitment, and the Lord, love can push through anything together. That sometimes you have to step outside of your comfort zone, do the hard things, and pioneer an unbeaten path according to the plans God has specifically for your family. They've shown me that God's always waiting there with a plan and a purpose even when we chose our own paths instead and even in the darkest moments of our lives. Through them, I've learned that God's plans for love is greater than any two individuals and is divinely orchestrated in the hands of God. And maybe more than anything, my parents have taught me never to give up. Never. 

Twenty-nine years and counting. And they're still as much in love as they ever were. This is the couple that still looks at each other with stars in their eyes, that still loves just holding each other's hand anywhere and everywhere, that listens to piano love songs together everywhere they drive, and that still steals away every year for a few days alone together in a cabin in the mountains. That still does all the couple things I used to think sappy when I was younger... like two years ago. Lol. This is the man who still treats my mom like she's the only woman in the world, who still buys her flowers just to remind her how much she's loved and appreciated, who still grabs her for a slow dance in the kitchen, who still writes her love letters, and who still loves to take her on trips and to nice restaurants and to experience the fine arts. This is the woman who still meets my dad at the door with a kiss every evening when he comes home from work, who still makes him a home-cooked dinner and lunch almost every evening, who still comes up behind him with a hug, lavishes physical affection on him, and builds him up with her words, who still supports him through everything and believes in him, who is still his partner in life- from doing yard work together and helping him with his handy-man projects to giving asked-for advice and wisdom and making decisions together. 

My parents are a couple who never left the honeymoon stage, and looking around at so many broken marriages, I think it's awesome. I've never once doubted in my entire life that my parents love each other, and that isn't something that every young adult can say. Twenty-nine years of such a beautiful relentless love deserves celebrating. 

To Daddy and Momma when I let you read this, thank you for loving each other and for loving me. For never giving up. Happy Anniversary! I love you! 

*yes, this story was shared with permission :)

Life Perspective

Life's funny sometimes, isn't it? It's so easy sometimes to forget our real purpose. 

But then you look back over the course of your life. You remember so many months of difficult change last year when all you wanted was to be fully happy again and to have life easy again. And yet, how strange it is when life is finally at calm again and you find yourself praying for more spiritual challenges. Because all your soul longs to do is the hard things for Him. 

You look back over your life and you see Him in every word of your story. You feel Him in every fiber of your being. You remember His works full well: the healing of the growth on your brain in your mother's womb and His hand on your life as you might've been strangled by your umbilical cord before birth. You remember the near dog attack as a child when you might've been mauled and the accidents in which you might've broken your neck or suffered brain injuries. You remember your fights with pneumonia and the succeeding month of slow recovery. You remember your struggle with self-image and His presence with you in that time when so many girls turn to starving themselves or to cutting or even worse, to taking their very life. You see His glory in every tear that has fallen from your eyes, in every passion He's given and every passion He's taken away. In every relationship He's brought together and every relationship He's caused to fall apart. In every friendship He's gifted you with and in the love He put in your heart for someone and the privilege He gave you in calling you to intercede for that someone. You remember the lives He's allowed you to be His vessel to use to touch, the spiritual and prophetic dreams He's given you, and the experience of almost hearing His audible voice for yourself with your own ears. 

My God is real and the sovereignty and glory of my Lord is woven within every thread of my story with every breath that He has allowed me to breathe. How could I possibly desire to do any less than the hard things for Him?

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 

You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in the depths, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand. 

I awake, and I am still with you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.

Do not forsake the work of your hands." 

-Psalms 139:1-18, 23&24; 138:8

Person of Influence

I have a strong interest in psychology and one of the topics that I've come across in my research is rapport. 

By definition, rapport is "a relation marked by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity" or more defined, "a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well."

In romance, some people might call this chemistry. But rapport can exist between any two individuals in romance, in friendship, or in business. In fact, the first and only person I've actually recognized I have strong rapport with is a friend of mine. 

Psychology says that rapport can be intentionally built and while I've never tried it before, it would make sense that it could be, though strong rapport takes time to develop. Supposedly, rapport-building techniques are used in sales, in counseling... anywhere in which it's profitable or beneficial to establish a feeling of connection, understanding, and trust with a customer or client. Rapport exists in its natural form though between close friends, family, or lovers. 

One of the best physical signs of good rapport and shared emotions is this thing called mirroring. Take a look at this couple:

This is mirroring. You literally mirror each other. You mimic the other person's body language, facial expressions, eye contact, even the volume and tone of their voice when they're speaking to you. I know, it sounds a little weird, but we all do it. You can be the one mirroring, you can be the one being mirrored, or you can mirror each other simultaneously. With my friend, I've found myself doing all three. 

I was hanging out at a party with my friend one time and we were both laying on the floor. We weren't laying together: we were quite a bit away from each other actually, each somewhat in our own world. But as I looked across the room at my friend, I realized something. My friend was mirroring me again. 

We were both laying on our sides, our positions opposite. The position of our feet, the way we both had one leg bent and resting crossed on the other leg, the way we both had our heads propped up with one hand, the way our other hand rested on our thigh, even down to the placement of our cellphones beside us and the way we would check them occasionally and tap away at our iPhone 5s touchscreens with our index finger. Everything about our body language was too identical. We looked like bookends. 

But then my friend changed position and sat up. Subconsciously, I almost did the same before becoming aware of my own body language. And I decided to try a little experiment with my friend. No, this was a one-time instance; I don't generally use people as psychology experiments, however I was curious this time to test just how strong the rapport was between us. So I remained in the position in which I was laying, knowing that if the rapport was strong enough, my friend would lay down again. Within a minute or two, my friend subconsciously returned to mirroring my position. 

My friend and I, though we aren't technically close friends in the sense of talking often and hanging out, mirror each other often because there is good rapport between us. Mirroring between two people is a sign of rapport between them. They understand each other, connect in some way, and as a result, they influence each other. Yet, as with my friend and me, the majority of mirroring between people is entirely subconscious and natural. We mirror people and are mirrored by people but rarely in the moment do we recognize the mimicking of our body language, our facial expressions, our eye contact, our vocal tone and volume. We don't usually think about it and pick up on it. It simply comes as a result of the rapport and connection we feel to certain people. We become in-tune to people and in-sync with them. 

And as proven by my little experiment with my friend, rapport can be an incredibly strong, powerful, magnetic, and persuasive force to be able to influence us without our recognition. 

But just as people can influence us so strongly physically, so we can be just as influenced by others in all areas of our lives. In our physical actions, yes, but also in our emotions, in our spiritual life, in our convictions, in our opinions, in our decisions, in our relationships, in our interests, in our attitudes. 

"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals.'" (1Corinthians 15:33)

As Christians, so often I think we get caught between this verse and our responsibility to reach out to the lost. We like to think that good morals can change bad company, but the truth of such illustrations as "one bad apple spoils the whole bunch" never changes nor does the same truth of this Scripture verse. More often than not, it's the other way around. Bad company corrupts good morals. 

We also so often hear brought up this passage in Mark 2:15-17: "And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, 'Why does he the eat with tax collectors and sinners?' And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.'" It's true, Jesus spent a lot of time being surrounded by the ungodly, but if you look in the Gospels, who did Jesus most often hang out with? Who were the people in His close inner circle? The disciples. Jesus spent time reaching out to the lost and being in the company of sinners, but He didn't hang out with them as best buddies. Those closest to Him were believers. 

Earlier in the year, I used before an illustration more about these varying circles in our social life and I reshared it in the preceding post "A Look-Back Post."

But the truth remains that we are so influenced by the people we allow ourselves to be close to and the influence those individuals have upon us isn't something we can safeguard against. Just as most physical mirroring occurs subconsciously, so the people within our inner circle have an influence and an impact on our character and our lives without us fully realizing it. The changes happen subconsciously until one day we become aware of that influence when we already see the effect of it in ourselves. 

This can be a positive thing or it can be negative. The decision is ours. Each of us has so many people in our lives and it's our choice who we will allow into our inner circle. Let's choose to surround ourselves with the company of strong positive believers whose faith and encouragement and relationships with the Lord are those that we want influencing our lives for good and drawing us closer to Christ. And better still, let's learn to train ourselves to become so in-tune with the Lord and with His Spirit that we begin to mirror and imitate Him in all that we do. 

A Look-Back Post

I had shared this post earlier in the year on January 5th as a Facebook devotional and its written in a style different than how I usually write now, yet it ties so well to the next post I'm about to share with you all that I thought I would reshare it here. :)

I was emailing a friend of mine yesterday. Like me, she's single, and among many other topics, we share thoughts with each other about godly relationships. 

I had reached the part in my super long reply when I was responding to the part of her email about godly relationships and God just gave me this little illustration. I wanted to share it with you all. While it's geared toward singles, it can really be applied to any of our lives. 

I was typing away at rocket speed on my iPod when this came to me: 

Fellow singles, you do not need a relationship. You do not need a boyfriend or a girlfriend. There is one single relationship that you need in your life and that is all. Your relationship with God.

However, while you don't NEED any other relationship in your life, that doesn't change the fact that you may WANT other relationships in your life. That's healthy and normal. But in application for anyone, you don't NEED any other kind of relationship, romantic or not, other than your relationship with Jesus Christ. 

He illustrated it to me this way: your relationship with Him is like a bowl of mashed potatoes. It's the main food. The important part. The food you NEED. All other relationships are just blessings that are meant to be complements to the main relationship in your life- your relationship with Jesus. They are the salt and pepper that add to your relationship with Christ. That are meant to build us up in Him and contribute to our relationship with Him by encouragement, edification, love, prayer, support, inspiration, motivation for spiritual growth, etc. They are always meant to complement our relationship with God. 

Relationships in our lives that don't complement that main relationship in our lives should have no place on our plate. They might need to be on the tablecloth beside our plate. This doesn't necessarily mean we should cut people out from our lives completely. We need communication to minister and reach out to people. But maybe they need to be moved to the tablecloth instead of being allowed to affect the taste of your mashed potatoes because they may be detracting from its taste rather than complementing it. Not everyone needs to be in the inner circle of our close personal life. 

But for the people that are in our inner circle, it's important that we remember to always keep those relationships in the context of our relationship with the Lord. When our relationship with Him is no longer a part of another relationship, we've taken away the mashed potatoes and are left eating a teaspoon of pure salt and pepper. And that's just yucky. 

Never forget, Facebook friends, that our relationship with Him is the only relationship we need. He's enough, He's everything, He's all we could ever need. Any other relationships He blesses us with are just meant to add to that relationship. They aren't meant to stand independently outside of the context of our relationship with Him. 

Needless to say, don't allow your identity or security, self-respect or satisfaction and fulfillment to be tied to any person in your life. That should all be found in Christ and Christ alone. 

And in speaking specifically to my fellow singles again, this is SO important for us to get. Until we can realize that we don't need any relationship in our lives besides our relationship with Jesus, we will never be ready for Him to bless us with any other relationships. This is the key to contentment right where you are. This is how Paul found happiness and contentment and reason to rejoice in his singleness. 

Until we realize this, we will forever be restless and discontent and unsatisfied without a love relationship besides our romance with our Heavenly Bridegroom. And if we enter into another relationship without having learned this first, we'll be needy and possessive girlfriends and boyfriends. And that is not the kind of seasoning that would complement our significant other's own relationship with the Lord. 

If we have a relationship with Jesus, we already have all that we need. ALL that we need.

Changing Seasons

Last Saturday, my family and I drove two hours to the city of Ellijay up in the Georgia mountains. To B.J. Reece's apple orchard. 

It was a simply beautiful autumn day for being outdoors. Browning leaves had fallen from the trees and scattered on the ground and there was a crisp nip in the air just cold enough for lightweight jackets and sweatshirts. It truly felt like fall. It was perfect. 

My older sister, her husband, and my one-year-old niece drove from Tennessee to spend the day with us. We hand-picked apples and found a jackpot tree laden with apples in the orchard. We took pictures of my niece amidst the pumpkins vibrant orange in the sunlight. We took a tractor ride, watched pig races, and ate apple fritters. And I marveled a little at the thick Georgia accents of the employees and farm hands. 

The orchard offered many things you might expect to find at harvest time at an orchard or pumpkin patch. But it offered one thing that none of us had expected: ziplining. 

My parents, my sisters, and I had never been ziplining before but my dad showed interest in it. It would be a good first experience: it wasn't over a canyon or gulf or anything of the sort. They were two racing ziplines one-thousand feet across the sloping apple orchard. 

We watched the zipliners whizz by overhead. My dad said he would think about it and maybe try it later if my mom would agree to do it with him to share the experience. My mom, not being crazy about heights, asked me to zipline with him instead. And hence the idea was planted in my mind.  

As we went about our day, the more I watched the zipliners overhead and  the more I thought about it, the stronger the draw to do it became. My interest turned to excitement. There was something daring and bold, something spontaneous, unexpected, adventurous, and risky about it and that appealed to me. I love trying new things, particularly if they challenge me to step outside of my comfort zone. 

But that excitement slowly turned to something more. The past two months, as my twentieth birthday had begun approaching and as I had been working through some things in the wake of a turn in my personal life, the Lord had been teaching me more about myself. I had begun rediscovering a strength and a level of confidence that I had forgotten I had. He had begun reminding me of my old fearlessness- the fearlessness I carried within me as I would hop up onto horses' backs and train them in ways that often exceeded my comfort zone and my safety net. He had begun reminding me of qualities within myself that somehow in the past two years I had slowly lost sight of. 

And the more that I looked up at that zipline, the more times I heard people whizzing by, the stronger that draw within me became. Though I didn't voice it, something inside of me knew there was something about taking that step that was significance to embracing the change that God had begun working in me. There was something about it that I needed to do. And by the end of the day, I was willing to go on that zipline alone even if none of the rest of my family wanted to go with me. 

My dad, my mom, my oldest sister Christina, and I purchased our tickets, signed our liability forms, and were suited with helmets and harnesses. I felt so small as the young lady tightened down the straps on my harness around my petite frame. 

"If Julie can do it, I can do it," I heard my sister say, and as we climbed the wooden steps of the platform together, she told me, "I'm not scared because you aren't." And somehow, I wasn't. As I stood on that high wooden platform, clipped securely to the zipline and looking out across the orchard as the sun was beginning to set, I wasn't scared. I wasn't nervous and my stomach wasn't in knots or butterflies at all. I was thrilled. As I waited in anticipation for my turn, I couldn't wait. And I knew that in the past two months, I had changed. I wasn't the same girl anymore. Two months ago, while that girl might've still taken that step, she would've been having doubts as she stood looking out across the orchard before her. But not anymore. 

The farm hands opened the wooden gates and after my sister went, I stepped out onto the air, trusting the wire above me to hold my weight. I began sliding down the wire slowly at first but quickly I gained momentum as I flew down that wire. As I accelerated, I looked down at the orchard beneath my feet and out across the acres of land. There was something liberating knowing that for that moment in time, not even the grown beneath my feet could hold me down. 

But as I sped through the air on that wire, I got twisted somehow and I found myself looking back at the platform from which I had stepped. And my stomach began to feel sick. I began to get motion sickness at the speed I was traveling until I managed to twist myself around again so that I could look ahead instead toward where I was going. 

When you're flying down a zipline, the wind is whipping all around you. As my speed accelerated, all noises faded. My sister's shouts of thrill from up ahead grew fainter and any calls from the platform behind me would've been lost. The only noise that filled my ears was that of the air. The pure sound of the wind surrounding me. 

God calls us to do certain things in this life. To step in certain life directions, to perform certain tasks. As I was inexplicably drawn to that zipline, God puts callings and passions and tasks on our hearts to do. He draws us. And that drawing will become so strong that eventually, we won't care what people might think. We won't care if we're all alone and nobody joins us. Because the calling on our heart is that strong. 

And I realized that the things He calls us to do requires trust. Just as I trusted the farm employees to secure me properly to that wire, oftentimes, He'll call us to assignments that require us to trust other people, and just as I trusted that wire to bear my weight as I stepped from the platform into the air, the things God calls us to do will always require us to trust in Him to keep us from falling as we step out in faith. Some of the greatest moments of our lives will come as a result of our ability to trust. 

Oftentimes, we won't always feel qualified for the things that He calls us to do though. In the preparation, as He begins to equip us for the task ahead, we may realize how small or inexperienced we really are compared to Him. We may become suddenly very aware of our weaknesses and our faults, and it's in those moments that we realize just how desperately we need Him. 

But as we step out in faith, trusting the Lord and being carried by Him, suddenly the voices of others begin to fade away. The voices that may try to call us back. All I could hear was the sound of the wind in my ears, just as the sole voice we need to hear and focus on as we step forward into what God calls us to do is His voice and the wind of the Spirit as we're surrounded by His presence. 

Yet, the temptation can be strong to look back even as we're moving forward. But God calls us forward not back. We aren't meant to look in the past from the comfort zone and place of safe familiarity from which we came. We're meant to look ahead toward where God is calling us and drawing us forward to. 

But perhaps the greatest beauty of it lies not in the journey down that wire and what we experience in that flight and on the other side. But rather, in the example we leave behind. "I'm not scared because you aren't." We have the power to influence those around us by our own lives and by the decisions that we make. To leave behind an example for those left on the platform to follow and to support and embolden each other with those who go forward with us. Because we need each other in our moments when our courage fails. 

There's a time for each of us to put aside the fears that are holding us down from becoming the person that the Lord calls us to be and from doing all that He calls us to do. We're called to live fearless spiritual lives, but it's our choice to take the first step. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2Timothy 1:7

Fishing Weather

With the weather here in Georgia slowly turning brisker and the trees on the verge of bursting into wild splashes of their autumn colors, my family and I have been going fishing lately. 

My dad, my mom, my sister, my brother-in-law... they love baiting their hooks, casting their lines off of the dock, and... waiting. Me? I just learned how to cast a line Sunday afternoon and learned that fishing with worms means fishing with LIVE worms that wiggle and spasm. (Eww! Eww! Keep him away!) While the fishing itself is fun and I like casting the line, I find the most pleasure in watching. So I sit eating my supply of snacks, typing on my iPhone bursts of writer inspiration, making my rounds to check on everyone's success, falling in love with the cute little turtles that peek their heads up for air, and snapping pictures with my iPhone. And reflecting. I spend a lot of time leaning on the dock railing, enjoying the solitude and gazing aimlessly across the lake, watching the ebb and flow the wind brings as it plays along the surface of the waves. And I listen. 

Because there's something glorious about being surrounded by God's masterpiece of nature. There's something about seeing His fingerprints everywhere, about feeling His presence in the stillness and serenity that makes me feel closer to Him. And it's in those moments of quieting my spirit and silencing my thoughts that He whispers to my heart. 

Sunday afternoon was no different. 

I consider myself to be a fairly patient person. I mean, I work with children, I offer advice and encouragement and understanding to people and their problems, and I worked with horses for four and a half years riding and training them. But that afternoon, the Lord spoke to me that there are different kinds of patience. 

I'm a patient person, but I'm patient when I'm doing something. When I'm keeping busy, keeping my mind distracted, keeping my hands moving to pass the time. When I'm watching children or training a horse or counseling a friend. When I'm doing something to stay occupied, I'm good at patience. 

But that isn't the only kind of patience that God requires from us. At times, He requires from us something more. The patience of silent waiting. 

Ever since I was a little girl, I've struggled with fishing. I could never keep my Snoopy bobber in the water long enough to catch anything. Because fishing requires this kind of patience that I'm not very good at. When you've cast your line and you're standing there on the dock with your rod in hand, watching your bobber rise and fall with the gentle waves of the water... you aren't keeping busy. You're silently waiting. And waiting requires patience. 

The Lord leads us into waiting seasons of our lives when we need to learn this kind of patience. When we need to learn to slow down and quiet ourselves. And in our fast-paced world, that can be a difficult thing to do. Because so many of us lack this kind of patience. 

In Psalms 46:10, the Lord instructs us to be still and know that He is God, and the Psalmist counsels us to "be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him..." (Psalms 37:7) But so often in the seasons of our lives and in our prayer life, we forget the instruction to "be still." 

We can be the most patient people in the world but unless we've learned how to quiet ourselves and be patient in the stillness of waiting on the Lord, we've yet to learn the greatest key to patience and contentment in the waiting. 

Godly Girlfriends: Sisters in Christ

This time last year, I was lonely. I had lost my one and only friend and found myself unconnected to anyone else my own age. But in that time, I learned how to better appreciate the people God puts in my life, and now a year later, I find myself surrounded by the gift of three close girlfriends at a time in my life when I need more than ever the support of godly friends. 

I know it isn't Friendship Day, but I was just reflecting on the unique qualities that each of these girls brings and how thankful I am for the role that each of them plays in my life. I only hope that I bring to them what they need in a friend as they do for me. And if there's one thing I love doing, it's giving public praise to the people I love. :)

My newest friend is Corrina. We were introduced at a church picnic in the summer by a mutual friend- a girl from my church who I've known for years. I remember Corrina initially mistook me to be in my twenties already. I'm glad I wasn't. :) And I'm so glad she came with Alex to our church that Sunday! Corrina is my unique friend as she's the only extrovert close friend I've ever had. High-energy socializing is a strength of hers. She's the girl that draws this introvert out of her cave into society to build relationships and I love her for it. Her persistence makes me get my act together over plans, because admittedly, while I love hanging out, I'm really bad at putting off planning arrangements to get together. She keeps after me as I ask her to. She's a great talker- I admire her conversational ease- and she's so friendly, I wonder sometimes if there's anyone she doesn't like. I love her optimism and enthusiasm for life and for every aspect of it. And her inner strength: she's so strong. She's bubbly and fun to be around, and she's wonderful at drawing me out when I get too serious and at reminding me that it's okay to let my hair down. She's well in touch with emotions and helps me feel human still when I grow too frosty and apathetic. I love her bright smile and she generously gives some of the best hugs! (I love hugs.) <3

Then there's Lina. Lina and I go back to when we were eight and nine-years-old. I've known her the longest of my girlfriends. When my family left the church we attended together, we lost communication with each other for ten years until reconnecting last autumn. Last October actually. When we met up in person again for the first time in December, it was an instant bond. I'll never forget her response when I hesitantly suggested us getting together sometime the next spring after the holidays: "Why do we have to wait until next summer?" she asked. And I knew then that the friendship was mutual. In many ways, Lina is like my twin. Our personalities and little details are so much alike, it's crazy sometimes. But we're different in many ways too. Lina is a fantastic listener, giving me plenty of time to talk. In fact, I think I generally monopolize our conversations, but then, we're both comfortable with it that way and sharing my heart is how I bond easiest with people. Lina's an avid reader, an avid writer's dream friend: someone to read my beloved handiwork and to give me feedback. Lina's also more sociable than I am- I can easily turn to my "clam-up, listen, and observe" mode- so being with her allows my introvert self a chance to rest in social situations while still being engaged in conversations but not having to talk much. Like Corrina, she's super friendly. Seriously, who doesn't like Lina? Lina's often my anchor: her level-headedness keeps me grounded when my emotions get crazy. And Lina keeps me in check. While my strong-will, stubbornness, and fierce debater side can be mildly intimidating, she isn't afraid to disagree with me, tell me the blunt truth, or call me out. Even when I do get defensive, she knows I love her all the more for her honesty. She helps keep me accountable, is extremely perceptive, and has pretty much seen (or should I say heard) me in all moods. I love the sound of her incredible singing voice (she's already promised to sing in my future wedding) and she can do really cool styles with her hair! :) 

And then last but certainly not least is Victoria. Victoria and I have known each other as acquaintances for almost as long as Lina and I have known each other. Our friendship didn't begin until she made the first step last year and sat by me at a young adult worship at our church where I was sitting alone. I took it as a sign of interest in being friends and returned the kindness by reaching out to her later that summer when she was having her wisdom teeth extracted only a week after my own extraction surgery. It became a gradual process of growing closer from then on until only a month ago when our bond became incredibly close through sharing our hearts and our vulnerability with each other one afternoon and in subsequent text messages. In my social media world, Victoria is my Pinterest buddy: she often repins my pins and I often repin hers. And she can manage a perfect fishtail braid that I always admire. :) Victoria is my tallest friend and I love her height. I love having to meet in the middle for a hug: she bends down and I stretch up. It reminds me of the healthy compromise of relationships and of meeting people in the middle wherever you both find yourselves and whatever differences you have to make your friendship work. Both give a little. Like Lina, Victoria's more quiet and an excellent engaged listener which means that I talk a lot, and as I connect easiest through sharing, we've become very close. Again like Lina, Victoria asks questions- sometimes bold questions- and I need that. There's really nothing I would mind telling these girls, but I need the prompter to help me open up and be reassured of my listener's interest. I love Victoria's heart. She has one of the sweetest and purest hearts that I know and when she trusts you enough to show you her heart, there's no denying that she's also an incredibly genuine person. She's an excellent confidant and is always ready to be a shoulder to cry on- be it by listening, praying for me, or simply putting an arm around me. She's soft-spoken, thoughtful, and I love her gentle teasing. She can always make me laugh and feel safe opening up to her. I so appreciate how reliable she is: she's had my back on more than one occasion when I've turned to her for help. I also love her heart for children and for missions. 

There are a few similarities that all three of these girls share though. They aren't only friends to hang out with; they're spiritual friends. I can't spend time with them without us talking about Jesus, be it about our spiritual journeys or about our church-related activities, and I love that about them! In my closest relationships, I need a spiritual heart connection, and these girls share my love and passion for Jesus. Talking about Jesus is better than talking about other people: we aren't gossipers in our conversations. I can be real with these girls. These are girls who want the truth when they ask how I'm doing, not just the polite "I'm doing good!" These are girls who ask if there's anything they can pray for me about. They let me be me: they let me be kind of geeky at times, they let me be the counselor and psychologist, they let me be a leader. Without thinking me prying or meddlesome, they allow me to use my spiritual gift of exhortation by asking for my prayers, seeking my advice or my opinions, letting me encourage them and build them up, and allowing me to use my own experiences to relate to their situations and offer suggestions. They tolerate my best method of communication: my really really really long text messages or emails. (Word-counts were never my strong point.) Corrina knows that I'll rarely answer the phone when she calls but that I'll always call her back within a few minutes, and all three know that I understand school and work schedules and don't need prompt text responses... especially to my book-length messages. They know that their friend is nocturnal; I keep insane night hours and that equals few to no breakfast dates or morning text responses from me. They're independent girls and being independent myself, I really need that in my friends. When we hang out in a large group with others, I never have to worry about keeping them close and engaged: they're all three warm and friendly, and oftentimes in a new group, I'll even lose them as I turn around and they're off making new friends and striking up conversations. 

We're four happy single chicks, just trying to figure out college, careers, and life. And I have to say, I have some beautiful friends with some gorgeous smiles. They're a beautiful threesome inside and out. <3 

Sure, it's a blessing to have my three closest friends get along and all like each other, but one of my favorite parts is the special relationship I have with each of these girls individually as well. Each of them has taught me something in her own way, but collectively, they've taught me an even bigger lesson: that God doesn't leave us with empty hands forever. 

As I said, last year, God removed from my life the only close friendship I had ever known and it left me confused. It left me lonely. I felt the absence of support from someone my own age who was going through the same stage of life with me. I missed her. And I still do. 

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) Always for a reason, always for our ultimate best, always for a purpose that most glorifies Him and shines as a testimony. But He never leaves our hands empty forever. God took something very dear to me from my hands and I began praying that He would restore my friendship or bring another friend into my life. A year later, He hasn't given me another friend. He hasn't given me two friends, double as He gave Job back (Job 42:10). He's given me three friends in return for the one friendship that He took away. But I had to go through a season of loneliness first to learn to rely on Him and His comfort and support alone before I was ready for Him to fill my empty hands again. 

God gives and God takes away. But if we're faithful and patient and persevering, in His way, in His timing, He'll fill our hands again with more than we could imagine. He empties our hands to make room for something more and something greater that He has in store for us.