Person of Influence

I have a strong interest in psychology and one of the topics that I've come across in my research is rapport. 

By definition, rapport is "a relation marked by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity" or more defined, "a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well."

In romance, some people might call this chemistry. But rapport can exist between any two individuals in romance, in friendship, or in business. In fact, the first and only person I've actually recognized I have strong rapport with is a friend of mine. 

Psychology says that rapport can be intentionally built and while I've never tried it before, it would make sense that it could be, though strong rapport takes time to develop. Supposedly, rapport-building techniques are used in sales, in counseling... anywhere in which it's profitable or beneficial to establish a feeling of connection, understanding, and trust with a customer or client. Rapport exists in its natural form though between close friends, family, or lovers. 

One of the best physical signs of good rapport and shared emotions is this thing called mirroring. Take a look at this couple:

This is mirroring. You literally mirror each other. You mimic the other person's body language, facial expressions, eye contact, even the volume and tone of their voice when they're speaking to you. I know, it sounds a little weird, but we all do it. You can be the one mirroring, you can be the one being mirrored, or you can mirror each other simultaneously. With my friend, I've found myself doing all three. 

I was hanging out at a party with my friend one time and we were both laying on the floor. We weren't laying together: we were quite a bit away from each other actually, each somewhat in our own world. But as I looked across the room at my friend, I realized something. My friend was mirroring me again. 

We were both laying on our sides, our positions opposite. The position of our feet, the way we both had one leg bent and resting crossed on the other leg, the way we both had our heads propped up with one hand, the way our other hand rested on our thigh, even down to the placement of our cellphones beside us and the way we would check them occasionally and tap away at our iPhone 5s touchscreens with our index finger. Everything about our body language was too identical. We looked like bookends. 

But then my friend changed position and sat up. Subconsciously, I almost did the same before becoming aware of my own body language. And I decided to try a little experiment with my friend. No, this was a one-time instance; I don't generally use people as psychology experiments, however I was curious this time to test just how strong the rapport was between us. So I remained in the position in which I was laying, knowing that if the rapport was strong enough, my friend would lay down again. Within a minute or two, my friend subconsciously returned to mirroring my position. 

My friend and I, though we aren't technically close friends in the sense of talking often and hanging out, mirror each other often because there is good rapport between us. Mirroring between two people is a sign of rapport between them. They understand each other, connect in some way, and as a result, they influence each other. Yet, as with my friend and me, the majority of mirroring between people is entirely subconscious and natural. We mirror people and are mirrored by people but rarely in the moment do we recognize the mimicking of our body language, our facial expressions, our eye contact, our vocal tone and volume. We don't usually think about it and pick up on it. It simply comes as a result of the rapport and connection we feel to certain people. We become in-tune to people and in-sync with them. 

And as proven by my little experiment with my friend, rapport can be an incredibly strong, powerful, magnetic, and persuasive force to be able to influence us without our recognition. 

But just as people can influence us so strongly physically, so we can be just as influenced by others in all areas of our lives. In our physical actions, yes, but also in our emotions, in our spiritual life, in our convictions, in our opinions, in our decisions, in our relationships, in our interests, in our attitudes. 

"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals.'" (1Corinthians 15:33)

As Christians, so often I think we get caught between this verse and our responsibility to reach out to the lost. We like to think that good morals can change bad company, but the truth of such illustrations as "one bad apple spoils the whole bunch" never changes nor does the same truth of this Scripture verse. More often than not, it's the other way around. Bad company corrupts good morals. 

We also so often hear brought up this passage in Mark 2:15-17: "And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, 'Why does he the eat with tax collectors and sinners?' And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.'" It's true, Jesus spent a lot of time being surrounded by the ungodly, but if you look in the Gospels, who did Jesus most often hang out with? Who were the people in His close inner circle? The disciples. Jesus spent time reaching out to the lost and being in the company of sinners, but He didn't hang out with them as best buddies. Those closest to Him were believers. 

Earlier in the year, I used before an illustration more about these varying circles in our social life and I reshared it in the preceding post "A Look-Back Post."

But the truth remains that we are so influenced by the people we allow ourselves to be close to and the influence those individuals have upon us isn't something we can safeguard against. Just as most physical mirroring occurs subconsciously, so the people within our inner circle have an influence and an impact on our character and our lives without us fully realizing it. The changes happen subconsciously until one day we become aware of that influence when we already see the effect of it in ourselves. 

This can be a positive thing or it can be negative. The decision is ours. Each of us has so many people in our lives and it's our choice who we will allow into our inner circle. Let's choose to surround ourselves with the company of strong positive believers whose faith and encouragement and relationships with the Lord are those that we want influencing our lives for good and drawing us closer to Christ. And better still, let's learn to train ourselves to become so in-tune with the Lord and with His Spirit that we begin to mirror and imitate Him in all that we do.