This time last year, I was lonely. I had lost my one and only friend and found myself unconnected to anyone else my own age. But in that time, I learned how to better appreciate the people God puts in my life, and now a year later, I find myself surrounded by the gift of three close girlfriends at a time in my life when I need more than ever the support of godly friends.
I know it isn't Friendship Day, but I was just reflecting on the unique qualities that each of these girls brings and how thankful I am for the role that each of them plays in my life. I only hope that I bring to them what they need in a friend as they do for me. And if there's one thing I love doing, it's giving public praise to the people I love. :)
My newest friend is Corrina. We were introduced at a church picnic in the summer by a mutual friend- a girl from my church who I've known for years. I remember Corrina initially mistook me to be in my twenties already. I'm glad I wasn't. :) And I'm so glad she came with Alex to our church that Sunday! Corrina is my unique friend as she's the only extrovert close friend I've ever had. High-energy socializing is a strength of hers. She's the girl that draws this introvert out of her cave into society to build relationships and I love her for it. Her persistence makes me get my act together over plans, because admittedly, while I love hanging out, I'm really bad at putting off planning arrangements to get together. She keeps after me as I ask her to. She's a great talker- I admire her conversational ease- and she's so friendly, I wonder sometimes if there's anyone she doesn't like. I love her optimism and enthusiasm for life and for every aspect of it. And her inner strength: she's so strong. She's bubbly and fun to be around, and she's wonderful at drawing me out when I get too serious and at reminding me that it's okay to let my hair down. She's well in touch with emotions and helps me feel human still when I grow too frosty and apathetic. I love her bright smile and she generously gives some of the best hugs! (I love hugs.) <3
Then there's Lina. Lina and I go back to when we were eight and nine-years-old. I've known her the longest of my girlfriends. When my family left the church we attended together, we lost communication with each other for ten years until reconnecting last autumn. Last October actually. When we met up in person again for the first time in December, it was an instant bond. I'll never forget her response when I hesitantly suggested us getting together sometime the next spring after the holidays: "Why do we have to wait until next summer?" she asked. And I knew then that the friendship was mutual. In many ways, Lina is like my twin. Our personalities and little details are so much alike, it's crazy sometimes. But we're different in many ways too. Lina is a fantastic listener, giving me plenty of time to talk. In fact, I think I generally monopolize our conversations, but then, we're both comfortable with it that way and sharing my heart is how I bond easiest with people. Lina's an avid reader, an avid writer's dream friend: someone to read my beloved handiwork and to give me feedback. Lina's also more sociable than I am- I can easily turn to my "clam-up, listen, and observe" mode- so being with her allows my introvert self a chance to rest in social situations while still being engaged in conversations but not having to talk much. Like Corrina, she's super friendly. Seriously, who doesn't like Lina? Lina's often my anchor: her level-headedness keeps me grounded when my emotions get crazy. And Lina keeps me in check. While my strong-will, stubbornness, and fierce debater side can be mildly intimidating, she isn't afraid to disagree with me, tell me the blunt truth, or call me out. Even when I do get defensive, she knows I love her all the more for her honesty. She helps keep me accountable, is extremely perceptive, and has pretty much seen (or should I say heard) me in all moods. I love the sound of her incredible singing voice (she's already promised to sing in my future wedding) and she can do really cool styles with her hair! :)
And then last but certainly not least is Victoria. Victoria and I have known each other as acquaintances for almost as long as Lina and I have known each other. Our friendship didn't begin until she made the first step last year and sat by me at a young adult worship at our church where I was sitting alone. I took it as a sign of interest in being friends and returned the kindness by reaching out to her later that summer when she was having her wisdom teeth extracted only a week after my own extraction surgery. It became a gradual process of growing closer from then on until only a month ago when our bond became incredibly close through sharing our hearts and our vulnerability with each other one afternoon and in subsequent text messages. In my social media world, Victoria is my Pinterest buddy: she often repins my pins and I often repin hers. And she can manage a perfect fishtail braid that I always admire. :) Victoria is my tallest friend and I love her height. I love having to meet in the middle for a hug: she bends down and I stretch up. It reminds me of the healthy compromise of relationships and of meeting people in the middle wherever you both find yourselves and whatever differences you have to make your friendship work. Both give a little. Like Lina, Victoria's more quiet and an excellent engaged listener which means that I talk a lot, and as I connect easiest through sharing, we've become very close. Again like Lina, Victoria asks questions- sometimes bold questions- and I need that. There's really nothing I would mind telling these girls, but I need the prompter to help me open up and be reassured of my listener's interest. I love Victoria's heart. She has one of the sweetest and purest hearts that I know and when she trusts you enough to show you her heart, there's no denying that she's also an incredibly genuine person. She's an excellent confidant and is always ready to be a shoulder to cry on- be it by listening, praying for me, or simply putting an arm around me. She's soft-spoken, thoughtful, and I love her gentle teasing. She can always make me laugh and feel safe opening up to her. I so appreciate how reliable she is: she's had my back on more than one occasion when I've turned to her for help. I also love her heart for children and for missions.
There are a few similarities that all three of these girls share though. They aren't only friends to hang out with; they're spiritual friends. I can't spend time with them without us talking about Jesus, be it about our spiritual journeys or about our church-related activities, and I love that about them! In my closest relationships, I need a spiritual heart connection, and these girls share my love and passion for Jesus. Talking about Jesus is better than talking about other people: we aren't gossipers in our conversations. I can be real with these girls. These are girls who want the truth when they ask how I'm doing, not just the polite "I'm doing good!" These are girls who ask if there's anything they can pray for me about. They let me be me: they let me be kind of geeky at times, they let me be the counselor and psychologist, they let me be a leader. Without thinking me prying or meddlesome, they allow me to use my spiritual gift of exhortation by asking for my prayers, seeking my advice or my opinions, letting me encourage them and build them up, and allowing me to use my own experiences to relate to their situations and offer suggestions. They tolerate my best method of communication: my really really really long text messages or emails. (Word-counts were never my strong point.) Corrina knows that I'll rarely answer the phone when she calls but that I'll always call her back within a few minutes, and all three know that I understand school and work schedules and don't need prompt text responses... especially to my book-length messages. They know that their friend is nocturnal; I keep insane night hours and that equals few to no breakfast dates or morning text responses from me. They're independent girls and being independent myself, I really need that in my friends. When we hang out in a large group with others, I never have to worry about keeping them close and engaged: they're all three warm and friendly, and oftentimes in a new group, I'll even lose them as I turn around and they're off making new friends and striking up conversations.
We're four happy single chicks, just trying to figure out college, careers, and life. And I have to say, I have some beautiful friends with some gorgeous smiles. They're a beautiful threesome inside and out. <3
Sure, it's a blessing to have my three closest friends get along and all like each other, but one of my favorite parts is the special relationship I have with each of these girls individually as well. Each of them has taught me something in her own way, but collectively, they've taught me an even bigger lesson: that God doesn't leave us with empty hands forever.
As I said, last year, God removed from my life the only close friendship I had ever known and it left me confused. It left me lonely. I felt the absence of support from someone my own age who was going through the same stage of life with me. I missed her. And I still do.
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) Always for a reason, always for our ultimate best, always for a purpose that most glorifies Him and shines as a testimony. But He never leaves our hands empty forever. God took something very dear to me from my hands and I began praying that He would restore my friendship or bring another friend into my life. A year later, He hasn't given me another friend. He hasn't given me two friends, double as He gave Job back (Job 42:10). He's given me three friends in return for the one friendship that He took away. But I had to go through a season of loneliness first to learn to rely on Him and His comfort and support alone before I was ready for Him to fill my empty hands again.
God gives and God takes away. But if we're faithful and patient and persevering, in His way, in His timing, He'll fill our hands again with more than we could imagine. He empties our hands to make room for something more and something greater that He has in store for us.
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