Heart-chords Live
We often hear that the Lord’s timing
is always best, don’t we? But until
lately, I had never really seen that truth manifested in a real-life situation
before. It just seemed one of those
things we take at face-value and trust anyways.
Something that just required faith.
But last week, I learned the lesson first-hand as the Lord revealed to
me the perfection of His timing in my life.
When I first began this blog, my
motives were pure, but I admit, as time passed, I found myself thinking of it
as more of an avenue of publicity for my writing than as a ministry. I grew proud in its success and at the number
of page views my posts had. With that
said, knowing that my pastor logged onto Heart-chords every now and then, I
began to dream of an opportunity to share my blog with my entire church. But my motives were wrong. I thought of it as a way to bring publicity
to my blog and gain more readers and more page views, not as a way to share
with my church family the lessons the Lord had placed on my heart. Growing up, I dealt with a lot of insecurity
(see the post More Beautiful You from Nov. 2012) and I had always been
the girl in the shadows. But standing up
in front of everyone would be my chance to shine, I reasoned. To show everyone just how special I am. Nearly a year later since I first began
Heart-chords though, that dream had long been forgotten.
On
Valentine’s Day, I shared with you all my post Stepping Up. I talked about my experience while training
my new project horse Cheyenne and the lesson that the Lord taught me through
her about overcoming my fears and intimidation to allow Him to take me to the
next level in my relationship with Him and my spiritual maturity. Well, on the same day, I published my post Faith
and Fingerpicking. That Tuesday, I
received an unexpected email from my pastor.
He had read my Faith and Fingerpicking post and asked if I would
be willing to read it aloud before the church congregation that Sunday morning.
Now
for those of you that know me well, you know that public speaking is not a
strong point of mine. I don’t get much
practice at it and therefore, it scares the life out of me to stand up and
speak before a big group. I’m much more
comfortable expressing myself through the keys of my netbook. Naturally then, my initial reaction to my pastor’s
email was a tumult of surprise, excitement, and nervousness. I didn’t second-guess whether I should agree
to read my post in church or not; I knew the lessons on my blog were meant to
be shared, and remembering the message of my post Stepping Up, I knew
this was yet just another step up the Lord wanted me to take. (Besides, you have to practice what you
preach, right?) But I was so
scared.
That
entire week I worried and fretted about the coming Sunday, trying not to think
about it for the sake of my stomach which had become a garden haven for
butterflies. I got a knot in my middle
at every thought of standing up in front of everyone. But I knew it was something I needed to do. During that week of anticipation, the Lord
reminded me of my dream of so long ago.
Many months ago, I had wanted an opportunity like this, but it hadn’t
come. And now when it did come, half of
me wished it hadn’t. He pointed out my
prideful motives from before, but He showed me also that I’m not the same
person I was only those months ago.
Could the Lord have chosen any better time to bring the opportunity into
my path than just when He’s taught me a lesson in humility and in overcoming my
fears and intimidations? (See my posts High Heels and Humility Jan. 2013
and Stepping Up Feb. 2013) The
Lord eventually brought my dream to pass… but not when I had wanted it. He brought it when I was ready for it. He brought it in His timing, not mine,
and because my motives had been purely selfish at the time, I’m so grateful now
that He didn’t let me have my way then.
Sunday
morning was soon approaching. I was as
prepared as I’d ever be, and the only thing left to do was to wait. I prayed profusely over the situation… but
the butterflies remained. The one
thought that could ease my nerves a little was to remind myself that this was
the Lord’s will being done, not mine, and that the message was more important
than how I presented it. If I goofed it
up, He could still use the message to speak to someone… although it’d bring me
a great deal of humiliation in the process.
But I tried to ignore that part.
Still the “will’s” and “what if’s” would come back. “What if I trip going up on stage?” “Will
Pastor Dustin bring me up on stage at all or have me stay at the bottom?” “What
if I fumble on my words?” “What if my voice trembles with nervousness?” “What
if my face goes red having everyone looking at me?” So the last few days was a battle between confidence
and anxiety.
Finally
it was Sunday morning. On our way to
church, I silently prayed and allowed a conversation with God to set my nerves
at ease. By the time we arrived and
entered the sanctuary, only a few butterflies still fluttered. The worship service had already begun, and
suddenly, as my gaze fell upon the electric guitar on the stage- the object in
my blog post illustration- all of the flutters stilled. I felt comfortable and comforted. “You can do this,” I told myself.
As
we stood worshipping, I could see then the Lord’s hand in the entire situation,
working graciously and understandingly in my favor. My pastor had emailed me early in the week,
giving me plenty of time to get “mentally prepared.” The Lord had just taught me two very opportune
lessons. Pastor Dustin called all of the
young people up to the front, allowing me to get all my initial jitters out
while being up there with everyone else.
We even sang one of my favorite songs that morning, whose lyrics were
just the reminder that I needed in that moment.
“I may be weak, but Your Spirit’s strong in me. My strength may fail, but my God, You never
will.” It didn’t matter how small I felt
or how worried I was; the Holy Spirit in me was still strong and capable of
using me for the Lord’s will no matter what.
It didn’t matter if I goofed it all up; my God wouldn’t fail even if I
did in the assignment.
The
rows of chairs were full so we had to sit in the wing section of the sanctuary
that morning. I was relieved. Sitting there meant I had less distance to
walk to the front, and from my seat, I could grow accustomed to the sight of
the sea of faces that would be turned to me when Pastor called me up. I saw the Lord’s graciousness in that arrangement
as well. But while I worshipped, He
showed me there was more to it than that.
The last time that my parents and I had sat in the wing section had been
a Sunday in September of last year… the Sunday morning I was baptized. Not only were we in the same wing section,
but we were sitting in the same row… I was even seated now in the very same
seat I had sat in that September morning.
The Lord reminded me of the person that I had been then, and He took me
back over a reflection of how far He had brought me since that time. Of how faithful He had been in every
situation that I had encountered in the past five months. And He set my spirit at peace. This was what He was asking me to do, and He
would equip me with the strength to do it.
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of
love and of self-discipline.” (2Ti 1:7)
After
the worship and the announcements, Pastor Dustin called me up. Yes, he did have me go up on stage, but no, I
didn’t trip despite all my fears. The
butterflies returned when I got up there.
My well-rehearsed speech left me.
My nervousness came through in the fast pace of my reading and in
frequent “and uh’s” when I wasn’t reading, but my voice didn’t sound like it
was shaking at least… although it was. I
felt so small standing behind the pulpit and facing a whole sanctuary full of
people. But they weren’t just people, I
reminded myself; they were my family. The
page views and the publicity didn’t matter anymore. I knew in my spirit that I was obeying the
Lord’s call and that was all that mattered.
After
the service, God used one of my brothers in Christ in my age group to speak a
message of encouragement to me, and I’m so grateful to him for obeying the
Lord’s prompting and approaching me to share that word with me. But that isn’t the end of the story.
Yesterday
afternoon, I was back up in the saddle, training Cheyenne again. We were cantering at full speed around the
lower end of the arena. My braids were
flying; Cheyenne’s hoofs were pounding the dirt beneath us. And I was struck with a realization. I wasn’t intimidated by her any longer. I had taken the next step in obeying the
Lord’s will that past Sunday. I had
overcome my fears to be taken to the next level, and now in the very situation
through which He taught me, I found I had overcome my intimidation as
well. Coincidence, you say? Maybe.
Call it what you will, but I call it confirmation. The Lord’s timing is always best…
whether we see the end or not, whether or not He gives us our heart’s desire at
the moment. “Trust in him at all times,
O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Ps 62:8)
“But
I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands…”
Psalm
31:14&15
*A recording of
Sunday’s sermon and my reading beforehand is available for free download on my
church’s website at: mycornerstonefellowship.org for those of you that would
like to hear it. The message was titled
A Wilderness Gospel and the date was Feb. 24, 2013. The song that spoke to me during our worship
service was Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship. An awesome song and worth checking out if
you’re not already familiar with it.
~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,”
but heart-chords? I was struggling to
decide what to name my blog. I wanted it
to be a name that was both creative and meaningful. As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic
guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts-
our lives- are instruments. They are
constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own
decisions. They can play a melody for
praise or for entertainment. A musician
selects his songs according to his audience.
So do we. Whether our audience is
the world or the Lord, our song will be different. This blog is designed to first, increase my
awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share
the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of
praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.
Music is a powerful tool. Use it
for His glory. “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of
praise to our God. Many will see and
fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3
This was such a great day!!! You make me so proud!
ReplyDeleteAwww... thanks, Sissy! That was so special! :)
ReplyDelete