Letting Go
Two weeks ago, I found myself in my
bedroom with brown cardboard boxes. I
was moving out. No, not literally, but
figuratively.
For those of you that have been
following my blog lately, you know that over a month ago, I gave up my riding
lessons and my dream of becoming a professional horse trainer someday as it was
what I felt God asking me to do. I’m a
very different girl than the cowgirl that I was for the past four years. With that said, it was time for some cleaning
out.
A home is a reflection of its
residents and especially of its homemaker.
So it is with a bedroom. It
reflects the person or people that live in it.
A few months ago, my bedroom did just that; it was a reflection of
me. Cowgirl and horse knick-knacks and
picture frames, art, wall decorations, bedding…
My room was everything western.
But now… it was no longer a reflection of me. When my mom first suggested that we redecorate
my room, I agreed but wasn’t really in much of a hurry to get started on
it. I had so much going on in my life
spiritually and emotionally and so many milestones on the horizon jockeying for
my attention, that redecorating my bedroom was the last thing on my mind. But as time wore on, I began to feel out of
place in my bedroom. It began to
contribute to my restlessness and I was beginning to find it difficult to relax
in it in the evenings.
So it was time. I didn’t have anything to fill my room with
yet instead, but it was time to move on.
So that Monday afternoon, I set to work in my bedroom. Pictures came down from the walls;
knick-knacks came down from the shelves.
And with each thing I placed in the box, another piece of the former
girl was laid to rest with it. Once, I
was brought near to tears in the process, for though to some it was just a spring
clean-out, I knew it was much more.
As the Lord brings me farther on my
journey, He’s teaching me that it’s time to learn to let go. Let go and let God. At the close of January, He taught me to let
go of my control of my life and allow Him to do whatever He wants in and
through me, no matter what the consequences might be. At the end of March, He taught me to let go
of my own dreams and plans for my life and allow Him to unfold His plans
in my life and to turn my heart toward the dreams He plants inside of me. At the beginning of this month, He began to
teach me to learn to let go of the companionship and comfort of others and
learn to walk alone with Him for a season on this journey of faith.
Now He continues to teach me to let
go of things in my life. As I follow His
call to maturity and to spreading my wings for Him, I’m having to learn to let
go of the security I find in my parents.
They’ve always been there to shelter and protect me my entire life, and
now He’s calling me to learn to let go a little, not of our relationship, but
of that safe haven. To find my shelter
in Him alone and be the individual He’s calling me to be. Likewise, my parents are having to learn to
let their last daughter go and grow up in this upcoming season now. I’m having to learn to let go in my heart of
my home as I feel God drawing my heart away to missions work, even if it turns
out to only be a test of how much I’ll give up for Him. I’m learning to let go of my own needs and
desires, my own agenda and convenience, to serve others as Christ teaches me to
serve selflessly and sacrificially. My
best friend and I who have always been so close growing up- like sisters for as
long as I can remember- now have less in common as our interests, hobbies, and
situations have begun to change as we grow older. I’m learning that it’s time now to begin
letting go of her as well. Not of our
friendship, but I’m realizing it’s time to let go and allow her to be her own
person and live her own life, even when it calls us to travel down different
paths.
When I had left my riding lessons, I
had left behind much more than my dream of working with horses. I had let go of the insecurities and
struggles I had gone through during that season of my life. I had let go of my crutch of security, familiarity,
source of confidence, and place of belonging.
In doing so, I had signified that Christ was now all that I needed. He was now my security, my familiarity, my
guide, my true source of confidence.
Walking in Him and in His will for my life was where I really belonged
and found my genuine fulfillment. It was
a symbol of my submission to His will no matter how difficult it might be and
no matter what it costs me to give up.
It signified for me the full embracing of the person He’s calling me to
be.
As I packed away all of my western
things, my parents reminded me that I didn’t necessarily have to clear out all
of the horse and cowgirl things from my room. From a physical perspective, they were right;
I didn’t have to. But they didn’t
understand the spiritual significance of that moment. I had already taken the first step to letting
go of the person I used to be, but packing up the things that girl loved and
that were a reflection of her, putting them away and laying them to rest,
sealed the work that first step had begun.
As I said, I was moving out. The
old girl was packing to leave and the new girl was unpacking to stay. I knew in my heart then that I couldn’t keep
in my bedroom any longer the western things of my room. Of the former girl. I knew God had called me to give that season
of my life up, to let go, and I realized that when He calls you to do that, you
can’t try to hold on still. You cannot
try to hold onto the things of old and try to embrace the new at the same
time. Your hands can only hold so much,
and when God calls you to let go of something in your life, there’s a reason
for it. He won’t leave your hands empty
forever, He’s showing me. For everything
He calls you to let go of, He will someday fill its place with something new,
just as He blessed Abraham with innumerable descendants because of his
willingness to give up his only son for the Lord (Ge 22:17) and just as He
blessed Job with twice as much prosperity as he had lost (Job 42:10). It may not be in the physical realm, but He
will fill empty hands lifted to Him in surrender. And when God gave up His only son for us, how
can we refuse to let go of anything in our lives for Him? I knew that afternoon as I worked at packing
up my old things that I couldn’t try to hold onto the old and still expect Him
to bring the new into my life. So
everything went, and in doing so, I told God that I was willing to let go of
anything for Him and that I was ready to become the young woman He wants me to
be.
That night, as I returned to my
bedroom to go to sleep, I cast a glance around my room. The walls were bare, the shelves were empty,
my desk was sparse. It truly looked
as if someone was either moving in or moving out. At the time, I didn’t have any idea what my
new room would look like. But everything
had been cleared away and was an empty page now to be written on- or decorated,
whatever was going to come. The old had
gone and the new was coming. And once
again, my bedroom reflected my life.
“‘In
the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my
disciple. He who has ears to hear, let
him hear.’” Luke 14:33&35
Photo courtesy: www.123rf.com
~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,”
but heart-chords? I was struggling to
decide what to name my blog. I wanted it
to be a name that was both creative and meaningful. As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic
guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts-
our lives- are instruments. They are
constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own
decisions. They can play a melody for
praise or for entertainment. A musician
selects his songs according to his audience.
So do we. Whether our audience is
the world or the Lord, our song will be different. This blog is designed to first, increase my
awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share
the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of
praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.
Music is a powerful tool. Use it
for His glory. “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of
praise to our God. Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3
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