Yesterday was a beautiful glorious Sunday afternoon and I went to the Cheesecake Factory by myself. It was pretty awesome. My lunch was delicious and my chocolate, coconut, pecan cheesecake was almost heaven on earth.
But while there, I stopped to think about my life. This past summer, I've begun a personal challenge of dating myself and I've learned a lot from it. A lot about myself and a lot about being single in life. And here's what I've learned:
28 Things I've Learned from Dating Myself
I've learned that it takes a lot of confidence. It can be very uncomfortable going into a nice restaurant and asking for a table for one.
I've learned that you will spark curiosity. It's only natural.
I've learned that you will spark sympathy and you might be mistaken as recovering from a painful breakup.
I've learned that ultimately though, most people don't care as much about you dining by yourself as you think they do. It's only your self-centered pride making you feel insecure, feeling like everyone's noticing you and talking about you.
I've learned that dating yourself causes you to meet young men and get to know them and hear their life stories. It's just part of how life works. And I won't lie, when using good sense, that can be really fun meeting new people and exchanging stories with total strangers.
I've learned that it's okay to dress up for yourself just because you feel like it. Wear the red heels and lipstick if you want to.
I've learned that dining alone means you don't have to share your food or your dessert.
I've learned that you should always get dessert. Even if you ONLY get dessert... always get dessert. Learn to treat yourself on occasion.
I've learned that you should always tip generously. It feels good to be kind.
I've learned that you should always be polite and gracious to your server. It marks the character of a well-bred woman of dignity and grace and it's a good representation of Christ.
I've learned that you aren't alone. There are lots of other people who go out alone and more who want to but don't.
I've learned to put the phone down. We've become a generation that picks up our smartphones in any moment of boredom or loneliness. It's a hard habit to break, and at first, you'll gravitate to your text messaging or social media to escape from feeling awkward and self-conscious. But eventually, put the cell phone down and learn to enjoy your own company and the sound of silence.
I've learned that if you want to take a picture of your food, then take it. I promise you, the people around you really don't care as much as you think they do.
I've learned that it's freeing. Dating yourself isn't something that everyone does and it's freeing breaking the mold of society and embracing your single season of life. It's freeing going where you want to go, chasing after the adventures you want, even if that means doing it alone.
I've learned that life is too short not to be intentional and not to let loose. It's okay to do some things purely for the experience and the memory. It doesn't always have to be practical.
I've learned that you gain some wonderful stories to tell.
I've learned that your loved ones will worry that something's wrong with you. You'll worry that something's wrong with you. That's natural. I promise there's nothing wrong with you for being okay going out by yourself and enjoying- even needing sometimes- to be alone with your own company.
I've learned that it's more important to capture a memory in your mind and your heart- to remember what you thought, what you felt, to soak in everything with all of your senses- than it is to have a picture to show for it afterwards. Not every moment needs to be shared with the world. That's what makes some memories so special: they're really and truly only yours.
I've learned that dating yourself gives you a lot of time to think and to reflect and to figure out what you really want in life. And that's healthy.
I've learned that I can be single for the rest of my life. But I really don't want to be.
I've learned that dining out is a lot more fun when you have someone to talk to and listen to and laugh with. When you have someone smiling at you from across the table. When you have a familiar pair of eyes to look into.
I've learned that being a single twenty-something-year-old young adult isn't everything it's made out to be. We live in a society that views independence as something to be coveted. It isn't everything. The first time dating yourself is exciting and you feel bold and adventurous. But the novelty wears off quickly.
I've learned that independent people who are mature and truly content don't talk up how great their life is. Those people are usually the people who are lonely and trying to get other people's validation to convince themselves that their life on their own alone is glamorous.
I've learned that on average, dating yourself is lonely. Very very lonely. And that it's okay to feel lonely. It means that you're human and you have healthy emotions.
I've learned that there are somedays when you really want to go out but you're so desperate not to be alone that you'd invite anyone to go with you just so you don't have to go out alone again. Don't make a fool of yourself in these rare desperate moments.
I've learned that even the most introverted person needs connection to other people. We need to be connected to people. It's the way that God created us to be.
I've learned that life is better when you have someone to share it with. Time alone only makes you appreciate and enjoy the time with your loved ones even more.
BUT... dating myself has also taught me that I'm never really truly alone.
I'm never alone.
Because my God has promised me as His child that He will never leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)
Because I can declare "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
"If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." (Psalms 139:7-12)
He is my Help in times of trouble. He is my Courage in times of fear. He is my Comforter. And He loves me and delights in me. I will praise Him for He is faithful and His name is glorious and magnificent.
He is my Counselor. He is my Father. He is my Friend. He knows me by name and keeps count in His book every tear I cry and every hair on my head. He knows me intimately and all of His thoughts toward me are precious. He is kind. He is love. He is full of mercy and grace anew every morning.
I've learned that often it's in the moments when no one else is around that I feel His presence with me the most.
My God is ever present, always beside me. Whether in Georgia or whether in Hawaii. I know He is with me. And I am never truly alone.
