As the Spirit Leads

The Lord's been speaking to me and growing me a lot lately and one of the things He's been convicting me of is the need to intentionally make time to rest my inner self in His presence and just spend time with Him. That said, one of my new favorite things I've begun doing is setting aside several hours a week to be alone with Him. It may be a Saturday afternoon when my parents are busy or it may be an early Sunday morning before church or it might be a weekday when I have a short day at work and get off early in the afternoon. But no matter the day, each of these rendezvous with Jesus have one thing in common: they have no set plan or agenda. I dedicate those hours to simply living however He leads me to. 

And they are the best, most radical hours of my weeks. 

Thursday was my set alone time for the week. I worked a short but busy shift at work, eleven to two o'clock, and then had lunch with my mom when she surprised me at work to eat with me when I clocked out. I love it when she stops by my job. 

Then I resumed my tentative plans for the day. I changed out of my Chick-fil-A uniform and I drove up to IHOP, International House of Prayer, which is conveniently only fifteen minutes from my job. I took my time driving there and listening to worship music, singing along praising Jesus. I had no time schedule or anyone to meet. I was in no rush. 

I arrived at IHOP and parked my little Altima. I love spending my Jesus time at IHOP. It's quiet where I can feel alone and be by myself, but with people always there 24/7, I feel safe as well. I also love spending my quiet time outdoors in nature. I feel closer to God that way. And IHOP has a the perfect patio and grassy parking overflow to give me the outdoor space I need. 

Armed with the picnic blanket and backpack I carry around in my car (the backpack in which I keep a Bible, journal, and pen), my lunch bag, my sketch book, and my peach milkshake, I found a grassy place and made myself at home. And I just stayed there for hours. By myself. In silence. Alone with Jesus. Praying. 

Dinner plans I tried making with a girlfriend fell through so when I felt like it, I packed up and drove down the street to Moe's to eat dinner and sit on the patio by myself. And as I sat alone, one of my guy coworker friends showed up getting dinner before meeting a friend for a movie, called out to me, and we ate dinner together. We talked about opportunities the Lord is opening in each of our lives and about both our excitement and fears about them. I asked for his prayers and we exchanged phone numbers for me to keep him posted. And I realized that had my attempts to make dinner plans fell into place, I wouldn't have had that God-orchestrated time with my work friend. I had needed someone to talk to, thinking aloud, and the Lord had provided me with company. It didn't matter that I was late for worship at the IHOP Forerunner church service. I didn't have anyone waiting for me there. I didn't have set plans and I was willing to be flexible with whatever the Lord brought into my path. 

I arrived at IHOP again in time for half an hour of the remainder of worship time, I worshipped alone in the dark sanctuary without my usual girlfriends at my side, and then having to open at work early the next morning, I slipped out after worship before the message began. 

I drove home leisurely. Again, I was in no hurry. I turned on some Bethel Music on my iPhone and drove through Lawrenceville on the roads so familiar to me now from my weekly excursions to IHOP. Dusk was settling. To the east, the sky was darkening to night; to the west, the horizon was still aglow in the last burst of pinks and orange and violet. Oncoming headlights shone brightly passing by, but all of nature was preparing for slumber as the day came to rest. Dusk. My favorite time of night. 

I thought about life. I thought about the passion and the burden the Lord has on my heart. I thought about the plans He has for my future and the calling He has for me. I thought about my purpose. 

I stopped in the left turn lane at a red light and I saw a woman holding a cardboard sign walking along the grassy median beside me. I could hardly read her sign in the dim twilight but I saw the words "Homeless" and "God bless you." Once upon a time several months ago, I had felt pricked with compassion and prompted to action one afternoon, an afternoon when I hadn't had cash on me to help the homeless person on the side of the road and I had driven away that time feeling a deep regret I couldn't erase. Since then, I had kept cash in my wallet and I had prayed for another opportunity to bless such a person. 

So when I saw that woman, that prayer came back to mind and the only thought I had was of getting to the twenty-dollar bill in my wallet before the light turned green. 

I rolled down my window as the woman approached and I handed her the money bill. She was dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap. Her clothes looked dirty and her skin wrinkled and tanned. She had beautiful blue eyes. A space away, I could see her bags and a bicycle laying in the grass. I wondered how long she had been holding that sign that day. What kind of life she had once had. How she had ended up where she was in that moment. She didn't look to see how much money I had given her, but she took it from my hand gratefully. "Thank you! Thank you so much! God bless you!" She continued repeating the words over and over again. I couldn't remember when I had last seen anyone so grateful. "Maybe... maybe I can get... a place to stay tonight!" she said haltingly, almost breathlessly. She seemed exhausted and nearly delirious. "God bless you! You have a lovely evening and safe evening, Miss," she told me. 

I smiled a little, my heart crying out for this poor woman though. "I'll be praying for you, Ma'am," I promised her. How unhelpful and pathetic the words sounded to me on my lips though! What I would have given to have been able to help her in some other way! But her sincere reply struck my mind and continues to echo to me. 

"Thank you! A prayer is worth more than any money you could give." 

The light turned green and I drove away as she walked back to her bicycle. I drove away with my Moe's receipt in my wallet- money so easily spent- away to my beautiful home, to my loving parents, to my comfortable bed, to my security of a roof over my head and a job to wake up to in the morning. To stability. I was out twenty dollars. But what was twenty dollars to me? Dinner with my friends? How much I have, I realized, compared to some who have so little. Was I helping fuel an alcohol or drug addiction? Maybe. I don't know. But it wasn't my place to scrutinize her motives or sincerity. The Lord knows the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12) and judges accordingly. I'm only called to love, to serve, and to help those in need as He leads me to. 

I think of that woman and pray for her often since that night. I don't think I'll ever forget her. 

These are the days that I live when I set aside a few hours to intentionally spend with the Lord. And while I wish that I could live with no agendas, no plans, no timetables, every day for the rest of my life, that sadly wouldn't put money in my bank account. 

But I do think that it's important to set aside intentional time when we break the routine of our society's mentality that we always have to be busy and on the go and have plans. When we break that routine and allow ourselves to simply move and live as the Spirit leads us to. When we're entirely open to whatever He places in our path without having the constraint of meetings and appointments and places to be at at the back of our mind. When we don't have to be so time-conscience but can lose ourselves in Him. It guards us from stress and burn-out as we learn to take care of our spiritual inner self and to rest in His presence. It teaches us to be still, it tunes our ability to hear His voice, it heightens our awareness of His presence, and it frees us from any hindrance or distraction to be wholly obedient to the Holy Spirit's stirring wherever we are and whatever it looks like. It trains us to live by the Spirit. It's grown me and changed me, and I believe it can and will change anyone who makes quiet time- a quiet getaway- with the Lord a regular practice. I'm so thankful for this season of my life when I have the independence and the time for moments like these! When I'm young and can take advantage of these years for Jesus and for growing in Him like never before.