Little Opportunities

Monday night, I had a conversation with a total stranger in my bedroom. 

I was laying on my bed relaxing when as I scrolled through my Instagram newsfeed on my iPhone, I came across a picture posted by a public profile I follow. It was a Bible verse posted actually. 

It was then in the comments below that something caught my eye. Why? I don't know. Why I responded? I couldn't say. I'm not afraid of confrontation or meaningful debates, especially through written word where I express myself best, but I really try to never get involved in online debates. 

But there was something about this comment. 

"He hates gays. That's not good."

And before I knew it, I was responding to this complete stranger on social media. 

"I'm totally not wanting to start a debate with you," I typed, "but honestly, God hates homosexuality, not gays. He hates the sin, not the sinner. If He hated gays, He would hate every single one of us because homosexuality is no worse than any of the sins we all commit each and every single day. But He loves us all anyways. People who have portrayed the Lord to you as hating gay people are ignorant of God's character and don't fully understand His unconditional love."

I expected a rude response in return to which I purposed to not reply and "add fuel to the fire." I noticed others had responded to this Instagrammer's comment as well:

"Wrong. He hates no one."

"He hates the sin, not the sinner. Just because He says it's wrong doesn't mean that He hates people who do it."

Only minutes later, a notification appeared at the top of my phone screen. The Instagrammer named Shawn had tagged me in a comment. 

"Isn't hatred a sin? So if He hates homosexuality, does that mean God sins? I don't understand."

I was taken back. This wasn't the rude reply I had expected. This wasn't the no acknowledgement that the other responders had received. This wasn't laced with bitterness and hardness and anger. This stranger was someone confused and asking questions. 

I began typing back an answer when I was notified again. Shawn had tagged me in another comment.

"I really don't get it. If He hates the sin, not the sinner, what if you were born homosexual? You're born into sin and automatically hated by God without having a chance to prove yourself? You're just automatically doomed to be hated? Doesn't seem fair."

As I typed back a reply to this individual, my heart was somehow flooded with love for this unknown person looking for answers. It was almost midnight and this unplanned conversation wasn't what I had been looking for, but I typed. My right index finger tapped speedily on the touchscreen of my device as I took the time to answer him. 

"Great question! That's a point that I think gets misconstrued really easily. Hatred itself isn't actually a sin. It's the context of hatred that makes the difference. It isn't a sin to hate someTHING, but it is wrong to hate someONE," I explained. "For example in this case: homosexuality is a "thing" while a homosexual is a "one"- a person. Or another example: God hates lying but He doesn't hate the liar. Does that explanation make sense? And wow, another great point in your second comment! Being "born" homosexual is a philosophy that's taught that isn't actually accurate either. No one is born a homosexual just as no one is born a liar or a thief. Each and every one of us is born with a sin nature in us which God does automatically hate- though He doesn't hate us and never will- and as we grow up, we each have a choice of what we're going to do with that sin nature," I went on. "We can either allow it free reign in our lives or we can acknowledge it, confess it to God, and with His help, strive to live in a way that denies that sin nature and glorifies Him instead. We also each have our own sin tendencies though: one person may be more tempted by the sin of homosexuality while another may be more tempted by another form of sin. Homosexuals, whether they all realize it or not though, made the choice sometime in their life to give into that temptation of homosexuality though. Perhaps they never intended it to go that far- giving into temptation often leads us to habitual sins that we never originally expected- but it was a choice they made."

I laid there waiting a bit anxiously, worrying, praying that Shawn wouldn't respond confrontationally with a question I couldn't answer or with a rigid point of view that I couldn't reason with. As I waited, the peanut gallery of public social media chimed in: two uninvolved and random strangers coming to my support.

"Amen!"

"I could not agree more!!!!"

Then the notification came from Shawn.

"That actually makes a lot of sense, thank you! (: "

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Why did Shawn's comment catch my eye? I don't know. Why did I respond? I couldn't say. Why did he reply to my comment rather than to the others'? I have no idea. But through it, a brief conversation followed through which I was able to share with that young man how much God loves him and how much God loves us all. 

And it made me question how many people we cross paths with who we're afraid or anxious or merely uncomfortable talking about Jesus with because we don't feel confident that we'll have the answers or we're afraid of starting a debate. People to who we're afraid we'll sound illogical and just emotionally-driven. But how many of those people aren't looking to start an argument but instead just have questions and are simply looking for answers and someone who will take the time?

No matter where we are- mine even came while alone in my bedroom- God will bring opportunities into our lives for us to plant seeds of faith in people's lives. But how many of those opportunities I wonder do we overlook and miss?

Stained Glass

I go into work later today so I had the morning to reflect and spend a lot of thinking time just me and God. I was laying in bed, listening to some worship music, and simply scrolling through the pictures in my iPhone's camera roll. I looked back over memories, snapshots, events from the past two years, and I saw pictures that made me smile. I saw pictures that made me laugh. I saw pictures that made me wince at the reminder of tears and hurt.

And I realized that I feel something these days that I never have before. You know, nobody's life is perfect. I have frustrations and drama and disappointments like anyone else. I'm still learning how to "do" life, and I'm still trying to figure out this whole "adult thing."

But I looked over pictures and I stepped back to look at my life objectively. I thought of my family and my friends and my precious little niece. I thought of my friend Stacie, happily now expecting her first child, and I thought of all of the young children we've taught together and have sown into their lives together. I thought of my church family. I thought of my young adult small group I'm still finding my place in. I thought of serving at McKeever's First Ride, of the children, of the disabled veterans, the amputees, of my friends from the Dabneys' farm. I thought of my church's recent dance recital I served at. I thought of the park days I have with those I love and the joy of being outdoors surrounded by God's creation of nature. I thought of my single-girl dates I have with just myself and Jesus. I thought of my customers at work and my coworkers, managers, employer. I thought of serving through my job at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta and at Relay For Life and at upcoming events the rest of the year. I thought of the people that God's put on my heart to serve in my future. 

I thought of my relationship with Jesus. I thought of my passion to serve Him and to bring Him glory above all else. That burning, driving, consuming desire. I thought of every person I've touched and I've served and I've shown God's love to in the past two years and those I've touched even without knowing. I thought of how many people I'm surrounded by who love me. 

And I was overwhelmed. I saw the Lord's hand guiding me and directing me and using me in the past two years. I saw the Lord's hand working in my life in the past two years. And I was overwhelmed. Because nobody's life is perfect. But I think my life is beautiful and in a way I never have, I love my life now. I love my life, and though it isn't perfect, it's beautiful. 

And maybe it's its imperfections that make it beautiful. 

I admit, I'm really hard on myself. I'm a perfectionist with myself and I'm a control freak in my expectations and standards for the things in my life that I feel responsible for. This past Sunday I was praying in church when the Lord whispered to my heart, gently pointing out to me that I focus so much on my faults. I focus on my flaws like my stubbornness, my struggle with pride, my outspokenness, my "bossiness," my fears, my doubts. And it makes me feel unworthy and unqualified over and over again to be used by God and to be blessed by Him. I know He loves me and I'm awestruck and captivated by His love, but seeing my faults when I look at myself makes me often question how and why He does even love me. 

And as I sat in the dim light of my church on Sunday, reflecting on a dance a group of girls had performed to a song called "Stained Glass," the Lord reminded me that when He looks at me, He doesn't see me the way that I see myself. He doesn't see a vessel marred by cracks of faults and a person who doesn't have all the answers, who doesn't have life figured out, and who has scars and wounds still healing. Instead, He told me that He's been trying to show me all this time through my friends, through my family, through my coworkers and my customers, how He sees me, and I've just been so lost in seeing only a mess of mistakes to see what He's been trying to show me. 

When He looks at me, I realized that He doesn't see me as the terrible person I often see myself as at times. He sees someone beautiful. He sees a heart that is tender and kind and genuine. He sees someone who is open and vulnerable and humble about her faults and about her mistakes. He sees someone who loves immensely and cares for others. He sees someone who is gentle and sweet-spirited. He sees someone who is persevering, who is strong, who is loyal, who is faithful, who is passionate. He sees someone who leads others by an example and by raising the standard, and He sees someone who inspires others around her and builds others up. He sees a heart that is full of faith and surrendered and that desires purely to do His will. He sees someone who SHINES. He sees someone who has a big future in Him and who has so much left to do. He sees someone who is whole and who is complete and someone who is His precious and prized treasure who makes Him smile and brings His heart joy. The good that others see in me isn't a cover-up of a terrible flawed person underneath, He reminded me. It's the real me and my real heart that He's given opportunity now to show itself and to express itself to the world around it. 

My life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. But maybe it's its imperfections that make it beautiful. I love my life and I love the person that I am, and I'm beginning to learn to see myself as Jesus the Lover of my soul sees me. Because I have a beautiful life and I am beautiful. 

And maybe it's time that we stop focusing so much on the cracks and brokenness in ourselves that through Jesus our Father no longer sees. 

"Stained Glass" by Jon Guerra: http://youtu.be/QhfpgrqgAso

Lake Reflections

Last Sunday afternoon, I devoted the day to family time and went canoeing with my parents. It's free, it's fun, and I love the outdoors now so I spend a lot of my free time these days at the park. 

We went to a veteran's park called Black Shoals Park near our home for the first time and spent a few hours on the lake. The lake was a good size. My parents didn't catch any fish, but we had a lovely afternoon anyways. 

On our canoeing escapades, my parents always fish, but I never do. Why? Because I'm too impatient to catch anything. But also because for me, the greatest part of being outdoors in God's masterpiece of nature is just thinking. Reflecting. Clearing my mind. Praying. And eating. Never forget eating. 

That said, after almost single-handedly eating all of our snacks in our first hour on the lake, I sat back to take dozens of pictures and to let my mind wander. I slid down from my seat in the middle of the boat to sit on the floor of the canoe, and I reached over the edge of the boat to feel the water. It was a warm day but the water was cold and numbed my fingers as it lapped against my hand. But water... I love the feel and sound of water. It's so peaceful and lulling. Sitting on the bottom of the boat, I could feel the waves battering against the side of our canoe, and with a breeze across my face and the warm sun shining down on me, I drifted asleep, taking a twenty-minute nap as I felt all of my cares and thoughts of work and the unknown in my life fade away forgotten for a few hours. It wasn't about the past; it wasn't about the coming week. That afternoon was about that one moment, and for that moment, nothing else mattered. 

I was sitting there feeling like Pocahontas as my dad steered our motorized canoe cutting across the lake. I felt the wind on my face; I watched the waves slip away behind us in foamy bubbles and gentle ripples, and the word that came to my mind as I took in its beauty around me was "Freedom."

Freedom. There's no one but the Lord who tells the waves which way to travel. There's no one but the Lord who tells the wind which direction to blow. There's no one but the Lord who tells the sun when and where to rise and set every dawn and every dusk. There's no one but the Lord who tells the trees when to burst into bloom, when to ripen full and green in summer, when to lose their foliage in fall. 

Man may try, but there is no one who can restrain and control nature but the Lord. Apart from His direction, it has no boundaries, it has no expectations to fulfill, it has no imposed limitations. 

And I realized as I watched its freedom that that's what I was made for. What each of us was made for. 

I have a big future ahead of me. For as long as I can remember, I've sensed it, I've had it prayed and prophesied over me, and more and more recently, I've become aware of it. We all have big futures in our own ways, and I've felt so small at the thought of my own future and at the realization of how endless its possibilities are. The future is a very big place. It's intimidated me at times. My life has changed dramatically in just the past first few months of the year and it continues to change. It overwhelms me sometimes. I myself have changed dramatically in the past few months and I continue to change and mature emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and in character. 

Through it all, I'm reminded that I have a big future ahead of me. I'm in a stage of life where I'm old enough now and in a place now where I can start embarking on my plans and implementing steps to make my dreams and those things that God's put on my heart a reality. I feel the responsibility and even the sobering of it at times more than ever in these recent months. I have a big future ahead. But I need freedom to thrive and reach the measure of everything that God has in store for me to do and be used by Him. 

As I felt the waves dissipate against our canoe, as I felt the wind against my face and through my hair, as I felt the sun rays on my skin and heard the sound of the lake water, I captured the afternoon in an experience of all of my senses, and the Lord reminded me that I need that kind of freedom that He's given nature. It's the kind of life He intended for me to live. For each of us to live. But too often, we allow the opinions and perspectives of others to dictate to us what we can and cannot do. What is practical and realistic and possible. Too often we allow society's expectations and standards of what is "normal" and "acceptable" and "expected" to define our boundaries and limitations. To restrain our ambitions and to stumble our dreams and our goals. To fetter our feet from walking in the direction the Lord calls us to walk and to chain our hands from doing the work He has predestined and prepared us to do. To influence our minds and the way that we think into the cage of comparison where we begin to impose our own limitations and build the walls of our own confinement based off of what we observe as normal and expected and status quo in lives around us. 

It isn't about rebellion: it's about being brave enough to step into the unknown and the unfamiliar and the uncharted, even when you walk alone and even when with some people, it will always make you unpopular. About rising above the boundaries that society tries to shackle us with and proving that there can be more to this life than it tells us there can be. There IS more to this life. 

The future is a big place and the Lord has big things planned ahead for each one of us. There isn't room for allowing others to tell us what the unique and incredible life stories He has for each of us should like. That isn't my place or your place to define. I'm reminded time and time again that the fullness of what God has for us is about allowing the Lord and only the Lord to define and direct what my future and what your future looks like. It's about courage. It's about faith. It's being set free. 

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

"...charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life." 1Timothy 6:17-19

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

"The heart of man plans his way,

but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5&6

 Little baby turtles... So cute! I love turtles.

            My pretty stylish life vest ;)

            Headed back to the dock

A beautiful covered bridge we drove through

Harrison Shoals Road in the gorgeous last light of the afternoon