When We Wonder Why
For the past few months, my posts
here have taken on a bit more solemn tone than they used to. They’re kind of a little depressing even, I
know. But the lessons of my posts are
lessons that the Lord teaches me personally and that I pass along to you, my
readers. Therefore, my posts reflect the
spiritual seasons of my life and, as it’s been one of the harder seasons for me,
my posts as I said, are more somber.
With this said, I expected my
pageview count to fall off. This
surprisingly hasn’t been the case though.
In fact, more people in more countries have been visiting Heart-chords in
the past several months than they had been prior. Either they enjoy reading it as drama like a
literary soap opera, or it speaks to something deep within them. I’m inclined to believe the latter. Nobody likes reading about some of the
“depressing” things I’ve been writing about, but in truth, the things I’ve been
experiencing are really no different than the things that we all face at some
point, only I choose to put them down on paper.
The reality is that there are people all over the world going through
emotional and spiritual struggles similar to those I’ve been expressing in the
past posts. There are hurting people out
there who I truly believe benefit from reading about someone else’s struggles,
being able to relate to them, and being able to learn from them. With that said, I feel compelled to discuss a
topic this time that comes in the recovery of a season of hardship and hurting:
the answer to the ultimate question of “why?”
There are many things in life that
make us ask this question, aren’t there?
We’ve all asked it at some point.
In fact, when I have sobbed my heart out in my room, praying, I have asked
this question rather frequently. So I
ask you, when someone you love passes away… why? When your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up
with you… why? When the bank forecloses
on your home… why? When your peers treat
you like an outcast… why? When you get
laid off your job and the bills are due… why?
When your kitchen shelves are empty but so is your bank account…
why? When the test results come back
positive… why?
The list can go on. And unfortunately, no one can really answer
that question; none of us can provide an answer- only God can. I’m not a grief counselor or anything; I’m
just an eighteen-year-old who goes through problems and struggles similar to
those we all face. But as I was on my
knees at my bedside one time asking God “why,” this is the answer He revealed
to me, an answer which I believe we can all find comfort and recovery in no
matter what our situation is.
When trials come in our lives, some
people say it’s God’s will and just all part of God’s plan. If they understand all the mysteries of God
that well, than I wish I knew their secret, because truthfully, I don’t always
know God’s plan so I can’t really say.
Is it God’s will for us to encounter all the hardships that we do or is
the Enemy responsible for some or all of our physical and emotional
afflictions? God knows all things so was
it part of His plan that Job undergo the trials that Satan attacked him with? Again, I’m no theologian, so I really can’t
say. But I do know this: God will always
use our difficult situations and our trying times to teach us something. “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he
offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could
save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience
from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal
salvation for all who obey him…” (Heb
5:7-9) Even Jesus learned from pain and
suffering. And God can always make
something good and something beautiful out of all of our tears and trials. I think of the words of Joseph to his
brothers: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish
what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Ge 50:20)
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of
men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecc 3:11)
No matter what our situation is, God will always weave a lesson into the
thread of its design. So too, I believe that nothing can possibly
change the plans that God has for His children.
Trials that the Enemy may place in our paths may stand as an obstacle
and may act as a detour in our journey, but no hardship can change the destiny that
God has for those who call Him Lord and Savior.
Trials require a far greater amount
of faith and trust than do the typical every day of a spiritual walk. They require us to be more alert as we search
for what lessons God wants to use our hardships to teach us. It’s in these seasons therefore, that we
perhaps experience the most spiritual growth.
Difficult times in our spiritual walk mature us in the Lord. Our perspectives may begin to change as the
Lord speaks to us and opens our eyes further to His truths. Our conversations and behaviors may begin to
change as He makes us more like Him, as He transforms us more into His image
and conforms our will more into His will.
When I first entered this season, I used to pray fervently that God
would take away the difficulty that I was facing. That He would save me from it, remove it from
my heart, and not make me go through the season I had unwillingly been ushered
into. But about a month ago, as I was
praying again at my bedside, I realized that my prayer had changed over the
months. Rather than praying for
deliverance and escape from the difficulty, I found myself praying instead that
if I had to walk through that season, then so be it, but I found myself praying
for strength, for Him to help me learn whatever I needed to learn from the
experience, for Him to lessen the pain of it if it wouldn’t detract from the
effectiveness of the lesson. Rather than
praying for rescue from the season, I found myself praying for help for
the season. Rather than praying from
frustration and confusion, I realized my prayer was coming now from faith and
from submission to His will. He had
begun changing and maturing my perspective.
I was reminded of Jesus’ prayer to the Father in the Garden of
Gethsemane in His sorrow and distress as He faced the approaching time of His
betrayal, arrest, and crucifixion. “Going
a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father,
if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’” (Mt 26:39)
“He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not
possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be
done.’” (Mt 26:42)
Trying times do more than mature us
spiritually and teach us though. I’m
learning too that they help us minister to others better and make us more
sensitive and compassionate to others’ needs.
They help us relate to others and help us encourage, pray for, and give
advice based off of our own experience.
I’m reminded of a Sunday morning
many weeks ago. The service had ended
and I had made my way back to my seat after praying at the altar. People were leaving the sanctuary but a few
rows in front of me sat a teenage girl.
There were two other young ladies praying with her, but as I watched her
bent over her lap sobbing, her hair falling around her face as concealment for
her tears, my heart was suddenly filled with compassion. I knew now from experience the kind of pain
that brought those heaves of sobs. My
heart broke for her and as I remembered one Sunday morning prior when I had
been crying myself, I was drawn to join those two girls praying for her. I took a seat beside her and simply wrapped
an arm around her shoulders and rubbed her arm.
I remembered the comfort it had been to me to simply feel the connection
of touch, and gleaning from my own experience, I simply loved on her and prayed
a simple prayer. It was a general prayer
because I didn’t know what she was going through and I had little to no
experience in ministering to people that way, but I prayed from the compassion
in my heart.
So too recently, I was given the
beautiful privilege of being able to counsel a young friend of mine based off
my own experiences in my preteen and early teenage years when I struggled with
insecurities, low self-esteem, and trying to make friends and fit in. Seasons of difficulties lay a foundation and
create a background from which we can minister to others. And at the same time, we can find comfort in
our own situations by remembering that Christ Himself can relate to any and all
of the emotions and struggles that we face here as humans in this world, for He
came and lived and walked on this earth as a man. Just as we can sympathize with others from
our own struggles, so Jesus sympathizes, comforts, ministers, and teaches us
through understanding what we’re going through, what we face, what we struggle
against.
When the road gets rough,
desperation begins to grow in hearts.
This can be either beneficial or devastating though. Desperate people do desperate things, and
sadly, many misguided and confused people have sought a fatal escape from their
situation in their desperation. Suicide
is not entirely uncommon anymore in the dark world in which we live. Desperation leads some to make the wrong
choices in their lives.
But
as I said, this desperation can be beneficial instead. Trials and tears can instead bring a sense of
desperation into our desire for more of God’s presence. It has been in some of the darkest moments of
my life that I’ve drawn closest to God.
When you’re hurting, when you experience hardship and pain, desperation
somehow overcomes all of the qualms, all of the hesitancy, and it brings a
boldness to your relationship with the Lord in seeking His face. In truth, I typically keep to the shadows and
the background in a group; I don’t like to be the center of attention and stand
out much. But as I entered this season,
desperation for more of God’s presence and healing touch gave me a boldness and
I suddenly found myself praying at the altar in church, raising my hands in
worship, joining others in worshipping at the front of the sanctuary, and
crying unashamed in the midst of my church family. Desperation for the Lord made me no longer
care what anyone thought of me.
We
see this desperation and boldness in Mark 5:24-34 and Luke 8:43-48 in the faith
of the sick woman. She had a bleeding
condition and was unclean according to society, but her hardship made her
desperate and made her bold. When she
learned Jesus was passing by, she no longer cared what anyone thought of her
for coming out of her home when she was unclean. She was desperate for Jesus’ healing touch…
and she was healed as she touched the hem of His garment. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up
their wounds.” (Ps 147:3) “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit. A
righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” (Ps 34:18&19)
Difficult seasons also keep our
relationship with the Lord in proper perspective. They keep us humble and remind us of our need
for Him. They help us realize the
limitations of ourselves as imperfect human beings and recognize our ultimate
dependency on God.
And lastly, dark moments help us
appreciate the sunny times more. Gilbert
Chesterton once said, “Without the rain there would be no rainbow.” The rain helps us better appreciate the
rainbows in our lives. It makes us
grateful for the people and the things that the Lord has blessed us with and it
makes us thankful for the good memories we have to look back on. Rain is not a bad thing. Without it there would be not only any rainbows
but nothing would grow. We need the rain
in our lives to grow as believers.
Just as rain is not a bad thing
though, I want to spend some time on another aspect of pain. Sometimes, tears are thought to be a bad
thing. Crying is sometimes considered a
sign of weakness or of a lack of faith.
This is absolutely not true! Do
not let anyone ever make you feel guilty or ashamed for crying. Crying is a natural expression of our
emotions; God created us with the ability to cry. He gave our eyes tear-ducts for that very
reason. As we find in the Bible, Jesus
Himself even cried while here on this earth.
He cried over the death of His friend Lazarus; He grieved and mourned. “When Jesus saw her (Mary) weeping and the Jews
who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and
troubled. Jesus wept.” (Jn 11:33&35)
Sometimes situations in life will
affect us with emotions that we can’t control.
When someone you love passes away, it’s impossible not to grieve, isn’t
it? When a friend moves away or a
significant person in your life breaks off your relationship, it’s impossible
not to think of them sometimes and miss them and feel a little lonely. When something unpleasant happens in our
lives, we can’t help feeling sadness.
It’s okay to feel these emotions; they’re natural and we all feel them
at one time or another.
But
just because we can’t control the feelings of grief, sadness, loneliness,
missing someone, we can control the extent of how far we allow these emotions
to affect us. When we’re in a low point
of our lives, we don’t have to allow other emotions to stem from those natural
responses to a sad and unpleasant situation.
We don’t have to embrace depression, doubt, discouragement, insecurity,
feelings of inferiority, feelings of uselessness and worthlessness, pessimism,
or negativity. We don’t have to start doubting
God’s plan and purpose for our life; we don’t have to allow our faith to waver
and begin to distrust Him. Even if that
hardship is God’s will for you, it is not His will that you accept those
negative feelings and allow the situation to debilitate your life physically
and spiritually.
But
there’s also another point I want to note.
It’s a question really: “Is it possible to be hopeful and still
hurting?” I believe it is. This may sound strange and many months ago, I
might’ve thought differently, but there are many things that I have learned
from experience since the beginning of this year.
I
believe you can be hopeful and still hurting.
Just because you hold onto the promises of God and fight against the
attacks of discouragement that the Enemy tries to throw at you does not mean
that the pain will go away.
At
the beginning of this year at the close of January, I shared in my post Red,
Black, and… a Smile! Pt. 3- The Sunny Smile of Hope what the Lord was teaching
me about hope: “What is
hope? Is it a feeling, an emotion? Is it a resolution? Is it a state of mind? I believe it’s all three of those. Like many probably, I used to think it was
only a feeling though, but I’ve come to learn it’s much more. Hope goes deeper than our emotions. The world in which we live is not favorable
to hope. In fact, the Enemy in the world
will do everything within his power to kill and destroy hope in you. He wants to rob you of the joy found in
hope. And that’s why hope cannot
be only an emotion.”
“Some days, you won’t always feel
very hopeful. When your situation looks
glum and impossible, you probably won’t feel hope. But can you still have hope even when
you don’t feel it? I believe you
can. Because our hearts can be so
fickle, we have to follow not our hearts, but the guidance of God, which means
that our emotions and what we know to be true won’t always coincide. Sometimes they’ll be at odds with each other,
in fact. We have to learn to control our
hearts, or should I say, to allow the Lord to control them. Hope is a resolution we must make to embrace
in our lives, and it’s a state of mind and spirit that we must adopt even when
our hearts feel hopeless. We must learn
to not always believe what our hearts tell us, but rather to tell our hearts
what we believe. You have to first know
and understand the hope you have in Christ no matter what and then you must
adhere to a resolution to believe in that hope when your heart tells you there is
no hope left.”
With that said then, I believe it is
possible to be hopeful and still hurting because hope is much more than just
something we feel. It’s something we
know and believe in and cling to even when we don’t feel hopeful. Even when we’re grieving. Even when our hearts are hurting. Just because you still feel pain does not
mean that you cannot still be hopeful for the future and see the light at the
end of the tunnel by standing on the promises of God and on His faithfulness
and love.
I’ve
been through some stuff emotionally lately.
Some of you all have too. Some of
you have been through some stuff physically even. And it’s not fun or pleasant. It makes us ask questions and wonder
“Why?” But truthfully, in the light of this
answer that God gave me to that question, I can honestly and whole-heartedly
declare that I am learning to give thanks now in all circumstances. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give
thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1Th 5:16-18)
I can thank God now for my hard seasons; I thank Him now for the trials
and the tears and the pain because I see now the work He has done in me through
it. I see now that there are lessons to
be learned through the hardships, that I can better minister to others because
of it, that I have grown closer to Him and more spiritually mature in our
relationship. I’m learning to see the
benefits of this season- difficult as it is- and to be thankful for it. In fact, if I could go back and choose
whether to walk this rough part of the road or to skip it, I would choose the
more difficult path because I would not have wanted to miss out on these
precious moments with God when He has comforted me and taught me in these dark
moments of my journey. Strange as it
sounds, I am learning to love the seasons of rain in my life more than the
seasons of sunshine because I’m finding that it’s in the rain that I grow most,
that I draw nearest to God, and that I’m forced to rely not on my own wisdom
and understanding but to depend entirely on Him.
So I
encourage you today, learn to dance in the rain. We may not always know all the answers and be
able to see why everything happens in our lives. But pain is really not such a bad thing. It is a blessing in disguise. We learn from it, we grow from it, we produce
fruit because of it, we develop character through it. “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our
sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance,
character; and character, hope. And hope
does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by
the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
(Ro 5:3-5)
As I was writing this, I suddenly got a
picture in my mind of a little girl in the rain. The picture was simple but so beautiful. The little girl had brown pigtails tied with
red bows and she was wearing a yellow raincoat and boots. Everything was all gray around her and she
stood in the middle of a puddle of water.
The pool mirrored her reflection.
And the rain was pouring down.
She was smiling and jumping in the puddle of water, splashing in
it. The raindrops were running down the
ruddy freckled cheeks of her pale face but teardrops too were slipping down
from the corners of her eyes and running mingled with the raindrops in rivulets
down her cheeks. She was smiling,
enjoying the rain, yet still crying. As
the well-known quote goes, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the
rain.” Learn to dance in the rain, my
friends, even when your tears are falling with the raindrops.
“Be
joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is
God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1Thessalonians
5:16-18
*For those of
you, my readers, who have Facebook accounts, I’m happy to be able to announce
that you can follow Heart-chords on Facebook now at facebook.com. Not only will I be posting frequent food for
thought and Scripture verses, but you’ll also be able to find summaries of the
posts here on the blog for those moments when you just don’t have time to sit
down and read the entire post. Of
course, it won’t compare to reading the real thing, but I thought I’d provide
you all with quick references to the lessons in a nutshell.
Photo courtesy: www.123rf.com
~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,”
but heart-chords? I was struggling to
decide what to name my blog. I wanted it
to be a name that was both creative and meaningful. As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic
guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts-
our lives- are instruments. They are
constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own
decisions. They can play a melody for
praise or for entertainment. A musician
selects his songs according to his audience.
So do we. Whether our audience is
the world or the Lord, our song will be different. This blog is designed to first, increase my
awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share
the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of
praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.
Music is a powerful tool. Use it
for His glory. “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of
praise to our God. Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3
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