Freedom from the Former

Freedom from the Former

 

            Well, hello again, everyone!  For those of you that have read my post A New Season, you’ll remember that at the end, I mentioned I would be volunteering in April at an event called McKeever’s First Ride.  That very special day was this past Saturday, and since I know some of you are very curious to know my reflections on the event again this year, in this post I’m going to share just that.  For those of you that are not familiar with what McKeever’s First Ride is, I welcome you to read my reflections on last year’s event in my post from April 2012 titled Follow-up to McKeever’s First Ride.

            As many of you probably know by now after reading my recent posts over the past weeks, I’ve moved on from my riding lessons now in obedience to God’s lead.  With that said, returning to my “horse world” to volunteer at McKeever’s was truly a special occasion for me.  Last year, as I watched what a blessing the day was to all of the amputee participants, I was overwhelmed with the realization of how very much we take for granted in this life.  But this year, it wasn’t the participants that God used to speak to me through as much as it was the little details of the day altogether.  This year, I saw the event as though I had stepped back and was simply an onlooker.

            Ever since I had ended my riding lessons, my heart had still been held by everything associated with them.  I was still trying to hold onto all that I had supposedly given up.  But Saturday was my chance to finally lay that season of my life to rest.  To close that chapter.

            In a way, the day was much of a summary of those past four and a half years of my teenhood.  My mom pulled her minivan up to the covered arena of the Gwinnett County Fairgrounds, and casting a glance in the backseat where I sat, commented to my dad sitting beside her, “Our Julie’s back.”  There I was again.  Soon-to-be muddy blue jeans, a Carharrt work jacket, dusty cowboy boots, spurs… everything was the same as it had always been for those four years, except for my diva feather flower in my hair.  I was back to the old me.

            This year was very different for me.  I wasn’t there to impress anyone; I wasn’t there for my former riding instructor Elizabeth or for Miss Deenie, Miss Dixie, Erika, Janet, or even the participants.  I was there to serve God by serving others, and that gave me a very different viewpoint of the day.  I fit right back into my old surroundings with all the boot-scootin’, spur-clinkin’, horse-ridin’ cowfolk, but I was walking in the new me and I couldn’t go back to being that old person again.  There was nothing wrong with the person I was before nor with my former hobbies, interests, or dress.  But God had begun doing a work in me from the inside out, and it had finally started to shine through to the outward.  The new me willingly offered my help more than ever wherever it was needed, I spoke boldly and freely of what God’s doing in my life, I was me unguarded and unafraid of people’s opinions.  Even the young cowboys and their non-cowboy counterparts that all would’ve caught my notice only months ago, no longer drew even a glance of my attention.

            I was blessed to be able to work with the children again this year and had as my co-volunteers in that area, a wonderful group of women.  Miss Dixie, a woman I knew from the farm, headed up our group.  Miss Dixie was such a blessing to me.  She took me under her wing as though I were her granddaughter and unknowingly made me feel so comforted in the moments when the new me felt out of place.  Having an opportunity to share what God’s doing in my life with her and Mrs. Dabney (my riding instructor’s mother) was such a blessing.  I so enjoyed getting to know those women a little more.

            One of my little friends from last year, Lillian, returned this year since her mother was there volunteering through Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta, the McKeever’s First Ride primary sponsor.  The little girl that so loved the horses last year had begun taking riding lessons with my instructor’s sister in the past year, and she still loved them as much as ever.  It touched my heart to see that she remembered me and even what horse I had been working with at the last event.  But even Lillian was growing up and changing, I noticed. 

As we were leading the horse around the arena, she asked me once, “So are you Elizabeth’s best friend?”  Her question surprised me.  There’s a four-year difference between me and my riding instructor, and when I first began my riding lessons, we were much younger and the age-difference was more noticeable in a way.  But even then, our relationship had never truly been that entirely of an instructor and a student.  But as the years passed, we grew closer and both entered young-adulthood, having more in common and even being able to read each other’s mind sometimes, and… somehow the gap had seemed to close some.  I wasn’t really sure what our relationship was, to be honest.  I had never really thought about it before.  But I realized in that moment what a true treasure my friendship with her really was, and it’s one that I’ll always cherish and that I hope to never allow it to fall to the wayside, despite the discontinuation of my lessons.  “Well, I’m one of her friends, yes,” I told Lillian.  I went on to explain to her how I first met Elizabeth and began my riding lessons, a story that perhaps I needed to relive more than Lillian’s curiosity needed to hear it.

            Another character that stood out in the day for me was actually another volunteer, a girl in her early teenage years.  She wasn’t volunteering with the horses and in fact, had never really been around horses before, but she gravitated to Sterling who I stood with, and when I offered to teach her how to lead him and back him up, she took me up on my offer.  China was giddy and giggly, a typical young teenager, but her youthfulness made me smile.  Her journey was just beginning, and she had so much to learn.  I pray though that the Lord will guide her every step along the way just as He did with me and continues to do so. 

            When I showed China how to make Sterling stop when leading him, she squealed.  “OMG!  That’s sooo cool!” she exclaimed with another outburst of giggles.  She was having the time of her life.  She asked me once if I had ever fallen off of a horse before, to which I told her yes, I had three times.  “Like… what’d you do?” she asked me.  What was I doing when I fell off?  The Lord provided me with an opportunity to relive yet another portion of my riding years.

            Many of you will probably remember the names of three horses which I’ve written about here on Heart-chords: Aussie, Sterling, and Cheyenne.  My three training horses with whom I spent months working with each.  I know their quirks, strengths, and weaknesses all so well.  I know their personalities.  I love them tremendously, and they were some of the hardest horses on the farm to say goodbye to.  But I find it no coincidence that the Lord allowed me to work with the three of them that day… in the very order I had trained them, in fact.  First Aussie, then Sterling, and lastly, at the end of the day, Cheyenne.  I hadn’t expected it to be so difficult returning for the day to all that I had known.  But as I held Cheyenne’s lead rope, few other people around as all of the participants were leaving, I felt tears begin to choke at my throat.  I buried my face in her warm neck again for what would be the last time I would in a while, and I willed the tears not to come.  It was finally time to let go in my heart.

            In the course of that day, I saw my life in a nutshell.  Everywhere I had been and everywhere I was going.  In Lillian, I saw the little girl I had once been and the overly confidence in my horse knowledge I had once had.  In China, I saw the young girl trying to find herself and find where she belonged and fit in this world.  In Elizabeth, I saw the young woman I would be someday, happily in love and perhaps soon to begin a life with the young man she loves.  In Mrs. Dabney and Miss Dixie, I saw the well-established, stable woman I would emerge from this season of confusion as, happy in the place they found their dreams had taken them.  And finally, I even saw myself someday in the elderly woman I saw taking slow and meticulous steps with her walker.  I couldn’t believe how far I had come in my journey, or how far I still had yet to travel.  I had learned so much already, but my life was just beginning and I had so much still to learn.

            At the close of the day, I said my goodbyes to everyone.  It was still difficult, but I left with a promise to visit the farm again.  It was not goodbye forever.  But I was finally ready to lay the former to rest in the past.  My heart finally let go that day.  But I realized I wasn’t just letting go of my riding lessons and my old dreams of becoming a professional horse trainer someday.  I was laying to rest the former me and all the struggles I had fought and overcome during that season of my life.  So much had changed in so little time.  Sometimes it felt like an eternity; other times it felt like a mere few weeks.  But I wasn’t the same me.  I wasn’t the same insecure, timid fourteen-year-old that had first stepped foot on the farm those years ago.  Those years were a launching pad, and now it was time to launch forth as the new person God had called me to be.  After passing out hugs and saying goodbye to everyone, I turned away with a new peace in my heart and satisfaction with the day, feeling blessed by the event.  My dusty boots thumped and my spurs clinked as I made my way to where my parents waited in my mom’s minivan.  I opened the slider door, climbed in, and closed the door on the day.  My heart had finally said goodbye and was now free from the former me to live the life God predestined for me to live.  No looking back.

 

 

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

 

 

*For more information about McKeever’s First Ride, check out the official website at www.mckeeversfirstride.com.

 

Photo courtesy: www.123rf.com

 

~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords?  I was struggling to decide what to name my blog.  I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful.  As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments.  They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions.  They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment.  A musician selects his songs according to his audience.  So do we.  Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different.  This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.  Music is a powerful tool.  Use it for His glory.  “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

 

Trust in the Lord

Trust in the Lord

 

            Children are truly a blessing from the Lord, aren’t they?  I love children and celebrate in the joy of now being a first-time aunt.  I look forward in eager expectancy to the birth of a new little miracle in October… my first niece, Chloe Grace.  Children can teach us a lot too, can’t they?  Reflect with me upon the unquestioning faith of a child.  Everyone has their own sentiments about Santa Clause, but in my family, as a child, I grew up believing in Santa Clause.  A child doesn’t question how a man can slide down a chimney and get back up, how reindeer can fly, how toys for all the children in the world can fit on one sleigh.  He simply accepts it and believes it because it’s what someone told him is true. 

As that child grows up though and becomes an adult, he gains a more analytical mind.  Everything suddenly has to make sense now instead.  I remember in high school, I couldn’t accept the answer to a problem unless I knew why it was the answer and how to get to that conclusion.  As adults, we become like Euclid, the famous geometry genius of old who proved every geometry theorem.  (Yes, algebra, geometry, biology, and chemistry were favorite subjects of mine.)  We need proof that something is true. 

At the close of January, I shared with you all that the Lord was teaching me a lesson on hope in this new season He’s brought me into.  Well, now He’s moving me onto a lesson on trust.  How to return to my child-like faith and accept what He tells me to be true, simply because He tells me it’s so.  Trust is my new virtue I’m learning to embrace.

As I entered this new season of spiritual growth after a major breakthrough three months ago, my spiritual life was always moving.  There was always something the Lord was asking me to do to take me farther along in my journey with Him and to mature me further in His ways.  But several weeks ago, all that changed.  Now I’ve found that He’s brought me into what I call an interim period, a time of waiting for direction from Him, of simply listening for His voice, following His will, allowing Him to use me in the process, and… just waiting.  For a naturally somewhat impatient person like myself though, waiting is sometimes an even more difficult task than moving into unfamiliar territory. 

As I mentioned in my last post Drawing the Line, for a few weeks, I didn’t hear God’s voice at all.  They were silent weeks, and I struggled with feelings of doubt and distrust.  Of feeling like He had abandoned me.  But before His silence, I used to plead with Him to give me some kind of direction, some kind of guidance.  To give me something to do for Him.  And every time I asked, I always got the same answer: Wait.  “The best is yet to come.  Wait.  Be patient.  Trust Me.  I’m not done yet.”  His answer was always virtually the same.  I disliked waiting though and grew restless so I would continue to beg time and time again for a different answer until finally, He just stopped answering altogether.

As He revealed to me just a few days ago though, I had a major flaw in my relationship with Him, and it was this flaw that caused my discontentment and restlessness and was perhaps even the reason for His silence and the length of it.  Again, referring back to my post Drawing the Line, I shared with you all that I had allowed too much buddy-buddy sentiment in my relationship with the Lord and not enough Father God and child perspective.  Returning to the child and parent I used in my illustration in that post, let me share with you another illustration the Lord gave me.  He put it this way.  A child and his friend are having a sleepover when a thunderstorm breaks outside, and the child is frightened by the lightning storm that rages outside his windows.  His sleepover pal tries to assure him it’s okay, but it isn’t until his father comes into the room and reassures him that there’s nothing to be afraid of are his fears relieved.  It was easier for the child to trust his father than his friend.  And that was the flaw in my relationship with the Lord.  Because I viewed God too much as my Best Friend and too little as my Heavenly Father, I found it difficult to trust Him.

When the Lord finally began speaking to me again, He pointed out this flaw of mine since I was too dumb to learn it on my own during those weeks of suffering from His silence.  I guess He realized I just wasn’t going to figure it out on my own.  Despite all my loneliness without His voice, I just couldn’t get it.  But now that He opened my eyes to my fault, my trust in Him and His omniscient wisdom and knowledge has been restored.  The doubts and the distrust have been chased away because I realize now that I’m no longer just trusting in a Friend, but I’m trusting in a wise and loving Father.

So has He brought me out of my interim time of waiting?  Well, not quite.  But I’m finally learning to trust.  I’m okay with this still season now.  I’m learning to be content and to enjoy the wait.  His answer to my prayer is still virtually the same as it was before His silence.  Just last night as I lay in bed, He told me, “Wait to see what I’m going to do.  I’m preparing your path for you.  I’m still paving your way.”  But I’ve finally learned to accept His answer, “Wait.”

Just as the Lord revealed to me in my own life, I think sometimes we get so caught up in asking God to show us where He wants us to go, to lead us where He wants us to be, and we offer ourselves time and time again for His service, pleading with Him to use us, that we don’t realize that where we are might be right where He wants us for the moment.  Sometimes we’re so preoccupied and busy begging Him to take us where He wants that we can’t hear Him telling us that we’re already where He wants us to be just now.  We forget that sometimes God gives a “yes,” sometimes He gives a “no,” and sometimes He just says, “wait.”

Just as a child will believe unquestioningly whatever someone tells him is true, so that is the kind of faith God wants us, His children, to have.  That is the kind of trust He desires for us to cultivate in our relationship with Him.  Just as our adult analytical minds cannot accept that Santa Clause can come down a chimney, so our analytical minds won’t always understand the things that God has told us are true.  I’m reminded of the many miracles that Christ performed while here on this earth.  The lame man walked, the blind man saw, the mute spoke, the deaf heard, the demon-possessed were set free, the dead came to life, the sinners were saved, the prostitute woman was delivered from a fate of being stoned and was given a second chance.  Mary, a virgin, conceived a child and gave birth to the Son of God.  That Man, Jesus Christ, bore the sins of the world as He hung on a cross and died a criminal’s death.  On the Sabbath day, He rose from the dead Himself and later ascended to Heaven.  At the beginning of the world, God created a universe out of sheer nothing.  So many things that we know are true, but that our analytical minds cannot grasp.  Despite what the world tries to tell us, our God is a master at moving mountains.  He is a proficient expert when it comes to working miracles.  And as a quote I read once says, “Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible, and receives the impossible.”  “Strong Son of God, immortal Love/ Whom we, that have not seen Thy face/ By faith, and faith alone, embrace/ Believing where we cannot prove” -Tennyson

God keeps His promises.  What He tells us, we can believe is true whether it makes sense to us or not.  “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ.” (2Co 1:20)  I have hanging in my bathroom a picture bearing the verses Proverbs 3:5&6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  This is a very popular verse and one that I admit, I knew so well that it had become as a trite expression to me, a mediocre saying.  It had lost its meaning for me, and maybe it has for you as well.  But long before I even entered into this new season, the Lord had struck me with its depth again.  As I took the time to stop and read the words on that picture… they hit me.  Read this verse again, not just skimming it because you know it so well, but read it slowly and actually think about the words you’re reading.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  It begins with a command: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”  Trust.  “Lean not on your own understanding.”  To me, this stands as somewhat of a disclaimer.  The verse doesn’t just tell us to trust in the Lord, but Solomon intentionally went the extra mile and chose to include the instruction for us to not depend on our own understanding.  That’s perhaps one of the most difficult parts of that verse for me to accept.  If we’re commanded to trust in the Lord without leaning on our own understanding, that means we’re going to have to trust Him even in times when things just don’t make sense, when we can’t rely on our own analytical minds to figure it all out for us and when logical reasoning can’t prove it.

In verse six, we’re given another command that directly correlates to the first: “in all your ways acknowledge him…”  If we’re trusting in God with all of our heart and walking by faith in obedience to His will, in submission to His guidance even though we won’t always know where we’re going, then acknowledging God in our life really probably won’t be a big issue.  After all, if we weren’t recognizing Him in our life, we wouldn’t be trusting in Him and following His lead. 

And then at the end, we’re given a promise: “and he will make your paths straight.”  If we trust in the Lord with all our heart, even when our own understanding fails us, and acknowledge Him in our life always, then He will direct our steps and make our paths straight.  This is a promise that has become very dear to me and has been such an encouragement to me during this waiting season in which I find myself.  It’s a promise I can believe is true simply because He tells me it is.

Jesus commends child-like faith.  “People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them.  When Jesus saw this, he was indignant.  He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’  And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” (Mk 10:13-16)

So let us learn, dear Heart-chords readers- my family and friends, to wait for the Lord and His timing, to trust in His greater understanding, to believe all that He says is true, and to have faith in Him as our Heavenly Father and in His plans and purposes for our lives.  Let us learn not to rely upon our own analytical minds that demand proof, but to return to the unquestioning faith of our childhood.  Colder temperatures returned to my home here in Georgia this past weekend, but let’s not allow the frost of doubts and distrust to kill the buds that God is causing to bloom forth.  Let us learn to accept His simple answer of “Wait” when that’s all He gives us and to learn to be content in the season in which He’s brought us into.  Not always asking for Him to lead us where He wants us to be, but to accept that where He has us just might be right where He wants us to be.  As the lyrics to one of my new favorite songs that my dad discovered on the radio for me goes, let this be the prayer of our hearts: “I will trust in You.  You’ve never failed before.  I will trust in You.  If there’s a road I should walk, help me find it.  If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment.  Whatever Your will.  Whatever Your will.  Can You help me find it?” (Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Prophets) 

 

 

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5&6

 

 

In addition to the song by Sidewalk Prophets that I mentioned above, a portion of an article I discovered on my home church website sums what God has been doing in my life over the past three months and I thought you all might enjoy reading it for yourselves.  The article from which I have copied and pasted this portion is titled “The Priority of Pentecostal Worship” by G. Raymond Carlson.  For the entire article, see www.mycornerstonefellowship.org:

 

True commitment can be described as follows: “Complete renunciation of determining your own life goals and ambitions because of your love for God and for his creation.”

With the same measure that you try to control how your own life goes, is the same measure you demonstrate your level of commitment to the Lord.  Your personal, intimate love relationship with God is decisive of the measure of your commitment.  Start to thank God for everything that is in your life.  Begin in a totally personal way to talk with God, in a way in which you would talk with someone that you know, that you like and care for.  Tell God that you love him and need him.  Search the Bible for themes which express your needs.  God will meet you and reveal His love for you.  Do this every day with all your might.  When you are sad, cry but say to God: “I love you.”  When you are rejoicing it isn't so hard to do this.  When you are angry then say to God twenty times: “I love you, I'm angry, but I love you!”  When you do this the love of God will move into your life like never before.  You will see it and feel it.  Out of this will come more thankfulness and willingness for God to work.  You will have less fear of people or situations, when you know: Your God is there.  No one can take this security away from you.  A new power can grow in your heart with this security and you can give more of the control in your life over to God, then you have experienced that God up till now has worked and given you a deep peace and rest in your heart.  Now you begin really to surrender yourself to God.  And God starts to say to you: “Do this, do that!” and you simply do it.  You don't think too long about it, because you have learned to trust your God.  This love relationship is what really matters!

 

Photo courtesy: www.123rf.com

 

~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords?  I was struggling to decide what to name my blog.  I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful.  As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments.  They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions.  They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment.  A musician selects his songs according to his audience.  So do we.  Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different.  This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.  Music is a powerful tool.  Use it for His glory.  “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

 

 

Drawing the Line

Drawing the Line

 

            Prayer is a strange concept, isn’t it?  The power of prayer is incredible.  “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  Elijah was a man just like us.  He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.  Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.” (Jas 5:16-18)  But how often we pray prayers of little faith, going through the motions rather than truly believing God will answer them.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been praying that God would use me in a particular area.  I admit, I prayed the prayer somewhat half-heartedly.  The desire to be used by Him was there, but I didn’t really believe He would take me up on the offer.  But if He did, I was careful to specify that I wanted to be used unknowingly; I wanted to go about my own little daily routine and stick to my own business but be used without knowing I was being used.  I wanted to be used the easy way.  Let’s face it, friends.  We like shortcuts and the easy way out, don’t we?

But God surprised me.  This past week, after those months of praying, He answered my prayer and provided me with the opportunity to be used by Him.  Over these past several weeks that have been so difficult for me, I had yet to hear God’s voice anymore.  I pleaded with Him to speak to me… but all I heard was silence.  It left me fighting feelings of abandonment and desertion.  It welcomed doubts and fears.  And it left me feeling lonely without that connection to Him.  But last Wednesday morning, He spoke to me in a knowing.  A knowing that the idea in my head wasn’t my own.  I was hesitant to accept it as being from Him since it had been several weeks since I had heard directly from Him, and truth be told, I didn’t really welcome the form of the opportunity.  So I tried dismissing it as my own random idea and tried ignoring it.  But it persisted.

Finally I consented to consider that maybe, just maybe, the idea really was His and not mine.  When I did though, fears began to swell in my heart in an onslaught.  As I began fretting about what I felt Him calling me to do, I finally heard His voice speaking to my head and my heart as clearly as ever again.  I was so overjoyed to hear His voice again!  I had missed the sound of it so much over the past silent weeks.  But I was a little surprised by His words this time.  In the past, when He had spoken to me, He was also so gentle and tender and understanding, so soft-spoken.  But this time was different.  His words and His tone sounded almost… frustrated.  As concise but candid as ever, He simply said, “Just do it.”  “Yeah, just do it,” I told myself.  I tried not to think about all of the circumstances surrounding the task He was calling me to do, but the fears always returned.  But every time I began to fret about it again, I would hear Him simply say over again, “Just do it.”

As the morning wore on though, my fears turned to complaints.  I grew upset over the assignment.  Why did God have to choose me for it?  Why couldn’t He have given the task to someone else instead?  I ranted such questions to myself.  Who knows though that even God has a limit of how much He can take from us.  He had listened to my doubts and distrust over the past weeks and had comforted me and reassured me in them.  But this wasn’t simply fear I was displaying now; it was complaining and frustration, and that He could not tolerate.  As I began ranting to myself, I heard His voice again even clearer than before.  As clear as day it came to me.  “Is this not what you asked for?”

By His tone, I knew I had pushed my limit and that He was upset with my behavior.  His question demanded an answer… but I couldn’t find the words to speak.  I was frightened of Him in that moment and so ashamed of myself.  He had never spoken so harshly to me before.  But He had rebuked me for my behavior and my attitude about what He had called me to do.  I tucked my tail and cowered.

“Is this not what you asked for?”  He reminded me of my prayer over the past couple of months.  Well, yes, it was true; I had prayed that He would use me in that area… but I had wanted to be used unknowingly.  This wasn’t what I had in mind when I had prayed that prayer.  It wasn’t what I had expected.  I had wanted God to answer my prayer under my terms, and when He didn’t, I didn’t want to accept His answer.  I got mad when He asked me to move across the line I had drawn.

I wonder how often though, we all pray prayers with our own conditions attached.  How often we treat prayer like a contract we’ve written up with our terms in small-print at the bottom.  Friends, we cannot try to put limitations on how God wants to use us and what He wants to do in our lives.  We can’t try to put His power in a box.  We can’t draw a line in the sand and say, “Okay, this is as far as I’m willing to go.” 

I had seen my prayers answered before, but all of the times, the answers had seemed so coincidental to me as if even if I hadn’t prayed, the situation might’ve still turned out favorably anyways.  But after that morning, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God does answer prayers in due time.  It may not always be in the way we imagine Him to answer them though.  God will answer your prayer, but He won’t always follow your terms.  And He won’t always let you take the easy way out.  As He showed me, sometimes to have our prayers answered, He’s going to call us to put some skin in the game.  When you pray a prayer, you have to be prepared for however He’s going to answer because you never know where He’s going to take it.  We have to be willing to take responsibility for the prayers we pray, readers.  If you pray for godly leadership in our country, be prepared to follow His lead if He calls you to run for office.  If you pray for the lost souls around the world, be prepared to surrender to His will if He sends you out of the country as a missionary.  If you pray for healing for someone, be willing to set aside your own agenda if He calls you to go to that person’s house and lay hands on them in His name.  The power of prayer is such that we have to be prepared for the unexpected answers He may want to give us.

After my spiritual scolding, God returned to gently pointing out other flaws in my heart and my reluctance to do His will, but I was still disturbed by His harsh rebuke.  It wasn’t until Thursday evening as I was flipping through my Bible that He would lead me to a verse that would alleviate the sting of the pain: “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” (Pr 3:11&12)  God’s rebuke should not stir in us a questioning of His love for us, but instead, it should prove how much He loves us.  For instance, here are two illustrations He gave me.  Imagine with me a parent and a child.  They have the best relationship.  It’s understanding, loving… it’s perfect.  Completely ideal.  They’re friends.  But the moment that the child begins to take advantage of that relationship and throws a temper tantrum, the superior authority is going to step forward and correct the situation.  The parent is going to discipline the child. 

Or if you’re a horse-lover, you can imagine it this way instead.  A horse and rider are riding along in perfect unity.  They move together as one; they just understand each other.  But the minute that the horse decides to pitch a fit against the rider’s will and guidance, the rider is going to discipline him until he conforms to instruction again.  In neither situation has the foundation of the relationship changed any, but the dynamics of the roles have changed.  So it is with my relationship with God now.

On Friday morning, the Lord revealed to me that over the past few months as I’ve grown closer to Him, I had allowed in my relationship with Him too much buddy-buddy perspective and not enough Father God and child.  Don’t misunderstand me; there’s nothing wrong with having a friendship with God.  James 2:23 tells us that Abraham was called God’s friend, and I still consider the Lord to be my Best Friend.  But our buddy-buddy perspective needs to be kept in proper proportion with our Father God and child perspective.  Friends don’t fear each other, but a child has a healthy respect for his parent because he understands and fears his parent’s authority.  If our relationship with God is based only upon a friendship, then our holy fear of Him will be very limited if it exists at all.  Because I had lost my Father and child perspective, I had also lost my fear of the Lord and therefore, gave no second thought to growing frustrated with Him, blatantly complaining, and virtually throwing a temper tantrum.  Sometimes, out of His love for us, God has to rebuke us to shift our perspective back into its proper place.  Sometimes our Father has to step forward in His authority and discipline us.  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Pr 9:10)  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding.  To him belongs eternal praise.” (Ps 111:10)  The Lord disciplines His sons and daughters- you and me- that He loves and delights in.  His rebuke is a demonstration of His love for us.  It is a blessing, not a curse.

When God asks us to cross over the line we’ve drawn, when He answers our prayers not according to our terms, it can be a challenge to step out of our comfort zone.  Although His rebuke of my behavior humbled me and I didn’t dare to refuse to obey Him any longer, I was still fearful of what He was asking me to do.  I considered a way I could obey Him and yet do His work in a stealthy manner so my name wouldn’t be attached to the assignment.  He was calling me to step far out on a shaky limb, to do something I was completely uncomfortable with.  I found myself telling Him over and over, “I really don’t wanna do this… but I will.”  As I considered performing His work anonymously and prayed for Him to reveal how He wanted me to do the task though, He answered me promptly.  He said to me, “Don’t try to hide from what I’m doing.”  I still question what exactly He meant by that- what He’s doing- but I interpreted it to mean, “Don’t be ashamed of how I’m using you.”  Maybe His words held more meaning than that, but it served its purpose to give me the answer that I needed.

When God answers our prayers and calls us to accept His answer, whatever it may be and whatever it may require us to do- we shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed any of how God’s using us.  It may be something that’s very out of character for us, but we shouldn’t try to hide what He’s doing in our lives and how He’s using us.  As He revealed to me, when we pray a prayer and He answers it- whether it’s how we expected Him to or not- it’s our place to take responsibility for it.

On a closing note, the Lord’s voice has returned to me and He continues to speak to me, although He’s yet to give me any more little assignments since Wednesday.  But I feel the connection to Him again, and our relationship is stronger for all that He taught me at the close of last week.  I realize the blessing His rebuke was, my fear of Him has been restored, and my faith in Him has been revived.  I encourage you to join me, friends, so that together, we can learn to pray prayers of faith and to allow Him to erase the lines of limitations for His will that we have drawn.

 

 

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

 

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:11&12

 

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding.  To him belongs eternal praise.” Psalm 111:10

 

 

Photo courtesy: www.123rf.com

 

~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords?  I was struggling to decide what to name my blog.  I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful.  As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments.  They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions.  They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment.  A musician selects his songs according to his audience.  So do we.  Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different.  This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.  Music is a powerful tool.  Use it for His glory.  “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

 

One Year of Wonder

One Year of Wonder

 

            Today is a very special day for me.  Why?  Because one year ago, I created my blog here.  Today is Heart-chords first anniversary!

            The Lord first introduced to me the idea of starting up my own blog when I learned that my aunt had her own blog called Mining in the Morning (www.mininginthemorning.blogspot.com).  That inspiration stuck with me for many months before I finally decided to act upon it.  It was a step of faith.  I had no idea how to create a blog, I had no idea what I was going to write on my blog, I had no idea what a blog was even… but I knew that God wanted me to start it and He would instruct me along the way.  So I did.

            I expected only a handful of people to read my posts, only friends and family with whom I shared the URL and a few others maybe who logged on by word-of-mouth.  Now a year later though, Heart-chords has been viewed in at least thirteen countries around the world by people I’ve never even met before in my life, and I’ve received the incredible blessing of being able to share it in person with my church family even.  I say all this not to boast, but to testify to what God can do with a simple act of obedience and step of faith.  He will take what little we have to offer and use it beyond our wildest dreams.

            Looking back on this past year of blogging, I’d say it was a year of wonder.  I marvel at all God has done in my life and how far He has taken me in a mere twelve months, much less in these past three months.  I stand in awe of His faithfulness and goodness and His unconditional love, that He can be magnificent God and still care about the little details of my life and the intimate emotions of my heart.  That He can have so many people in the world to look on and yet He still delights in planning and directing my every day… and your every day if you’ll allow Him to. 

It has been such a blessing to be able to share with you here on Heart-chords all that God has placed on my heart.  It has definitely been a fruitful year in my spiritual life, and one that I hope has produced growth in your life as well, dear readers.  Particularly those of you that have followed Heart-chords from its beginning, you all have journeyed me in my highs and lows this past year and I sincerely pray that the little glimpses from my spiritual life have encouraged you in your own walk with God as you’ve watched His plans slowly begin to unfold step-by-step in mine.  Most of you that read my posts here, I’ve never met before.  Even those of you that I do know, many of you I am not aware are among my readers.  But whether I know you or not, I admit I feel a sense of connection with each of you.  As I share my heart here on my blog in every post, I have you, dear reader, in mind.  You are on my heart and in my prayers as I continue to blog week after week.

To each of you, whether you’ve followed my journey from its very start or whether this is your first time ever logging onto Heart-chords, I want to say thank you.  You all aren’t a very vocal group, I have to say, but I want to thank you for your support, even if only by contributing to the rise of my pageviews count.  Knowing that you all are logging on and reading and that God is planting seeds is enough encouragement to keep me writing and posting.  Thank you for each of you that has offered a prayer for me; they have not gone unappreciated.  Thanks to the encouragement I received the other day, I see now that I have more people supporting me with their love and prayers than I even realize.  All in all, I don’t think a blogger could ask for a better group of readers.

As I said, I know you all aren’t a very vocal group, but if you feel led, I would love for you to make this very special anniversary post the first you ever comment on.  If Heart-chords has influenced your spiritual journey at all, if God’s used it as an instrument in your life in a way, I would love for you to share that with me in a comment box, along with sharing with us all the title of one of your favorite posts.  In fact, I’ll comment below and share one of my favorites to get you all started.  And if you still don’t feel vocal… that’s okay too.  You guys are still the best group of readers!

So here’s to one incredible year of blogging and to another wonderful year on the horizon!  Thank you each of you and especially to my God Who, with Him, nothing is impossible.  All the glory and credit to the Lord!

 

 

“Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wonderful acts.” Psalm 105:2

 

 

~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords?  I was struggling to decide what to name my blog.  I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful.  As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments.  They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions.  They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment.  A musician selects his songs according to his audience.  So do we.  Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different.  This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.  Music is a powerful tool.  Use it for His glory.  “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3