High Heels and Humility
Humilty. You’ve gotta love it, right? I admit I’m a proud person. But then, pride isn’t necessarily a bad thing
unless it becomes vanity. Still we can
all use a dose of humiliation every now and then to keep our pride in check
though, can’t we? I did anyways, and
that’s exactly what I got.
I’ve
always been the prim-and-proper prissy type ever since I was a little
girl. Think frills, bows, and white
shoes and that was me at six-years-old. Now
I love suits and sundresses… the ritzy look, the glimmer and the glam. It’s true, I love my cowboy boots, but I also
love getting dressed up still. And I
love high heels. I was wearing my little
dress-up heels around the house by the time I learned how to write my
name. Remember those little plastic high
heels your little girls wore growing up?
Or, girls, maybe you wore them yourself when you were young.
With
that said, my mom and I were out on a shopping trip this past week when we came
across a pair of black satin peep-toe high heels. They caught both of our attentions. Ladies, you know how it is; sometimes you
just fall in love with a shoe. The heel
was slightly higher than my other shoes at home, so I tested my stability by
walking around the shoe department with them on. “And you’re sure you can walk in them?” my
mom asked. “I don’t want you to have
life’s most embarrassing moment,” she added with a laugh. Oh, I could just picture it. I would walk into our church sanctuary and
start following my parents down the aisle to take our seats… and then. Oh, and then!
I would lose my balance and start tipping and grapping desperately for
something to help me regain my footing, hopefully grasping onto a chair rather
than seizing someone’s arm. My face
would flush deep crimson as always, my cheeks burning hot with embarrassment. I’d look around to see if anyone else saw,
and of course with my luck they would’ve.
Though a humiliating vision, I laughed at the thought and nodded. “I’m sure,” I told my mom. And so the high heels were purchased.
You’re
probably starting to wonder what black high heels have to do with humility, but
here it is now. High heels make a woman taller;
they put her up on a pedestal. So does
vanity.
But high heels
aren’t easy to walk in. A girl can’t
just put on a pair of four-inch heels and automatically be able to walk in them
gracefully the first time. There’s an
art to it. It takes ankle strength, and
the stronger your ankles become, the higher heels you can wear. Confidence is definitely not a bad thing, so
don’t get me wrong; I endorse healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Personally, I’m a very confident person. But I can testify that the more confidence
and self-esteem you gain in yourself- the stronger your confidence becomes- the
more susceptible you are to begin thinking too highly of yourself and placing
yourself above others. Confidence is
something to strive for, but with it, you do need to be on your guard
against vanity and arrogance. Knowledge
is another easy snare by which we can fall into the trap of pride. But remember, that “the man who thinks he
knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.” (2Co 8:2) Wearing heels also takes good
balance. Vanity may boost your ego up so
much higher than everyone else, but it’s an unsteady place to be. “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty
spirit before a fall.” (Pr 16:18) And
sometimes literally, as in the vision of losing my steadiness.
Yesterday
morning, I had a humbling experience of my own.
Fortunately, it wasn’t humiliating at least, although sometimes we
become so set in pride that a hard fall off our pedestal is exactly what we
need despite the embarrassment. But no,
my lesson in humility came in the spiritual and emotional realm rather than the
physical.
One
of my many trip-ups is the management of my emotions. I too often pride myself on my strict control
of my feelings much more than I should.
I have a way of disguising my emotions so no one knows what I’m feeling
or thinking at times. In truth, I can
usually be a good fake when I want to be.
I thought I was the master of my emotions, the expert at acting, the pro
at pretending. I like to be in control,
and managing my feelings only sustained that power need. “Cool, calm, and collected” was my moto. When it came to knowing my emotions, I was
the most well-educated person that ever lived and breathed… or so I thought.
But
in reality, I didn’t know my own heart.
It wasn’t until a morning this past week that I took a close look within
and examined my own feelings. What
prompted it? Partly a dream I had,
partly a conversation with my mom, and partly a reflection over the last
several months. I thought I was so in
control of my emotions, but God was doing a work in my heart for months without
me even knowing it. I wasn’t mastering
my emotions as well as I thought I had been… but He was. My heart, my feelings, were in His hands
and in His control, not mine. In
reality, by engaging with the Lord in a power struggle for my emotions, I did
more damage to them than I realized. I
was going through life happy and content I thought, but deep down in the chasm
of my heart, I wasn’t at peace. Something
was wrong; there was a tumult of emotions, chaos of confused feelings being
ordered in opposite directions by two masters with two very different priorities. I was almost brought to tears that morning, I
was so overwhelmed. How did I get that
way? I wondered. I was so in
control. But I wasn’t really. I never had been. I could put a mask on my emotions for the
world, but I couldn’t hide them from God.
I was fine it seemed, but my heart was in a battle of havoc.
When
I examined my own heart and finally saw the work the Lord had been doing there,
it was a surprising realization but one that brought me great joy
nonetheless. I couldn’t stop smiling and
shaking my head in disbelief. I can’t
count how many times I laughed and repeated over and over to myself, “Julie,
how could you be so dumb?” How could I
have not known my own heart when it was so obvious had I stopped and looked
within? But I was happy beyond words,
and I finally felt… at peace again. The
battle of my emotions had seized, and a weight had been lifted from my heart.
I
had taken pride in controlling my feelings, but that pride had fallen. I had become vain in my ability to conceal my
deepest emotions from anyone, but that vanity had been exposed. I had struggled with a clenched fist, but He
has opened my hands to embrace whatever He has in store for me. He has won the battle; the war is over. I pray you can say the same of the
calloused areas of stubbornness and vanity that we all have and try to hold
onto. Maybe, just maybe like me, it’s
time to fall from the height of high heels.
“Do
nothing out of self-spirit ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider
others better than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3
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