Red, Black, and... a Smile! Pt. 3

The Sunny Smile of Hope

 

            “Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Ps 42:5&6)  Hope.  “Put your hope in God.”  Sometimes I wonder though if we really understand the true meaning of hope.  What is hope?  Is it a feeling, an emotion?  Is it a resolution?  Is it a state of mind?

            Only weeks ago, I wouldn’t have confidently been able to answer that question.  I didn’t truly understand what hope really was, but last week, the Lord began taking me on a journey of discovering hope like I’ve never known it before.  Many of you will remember that at the close of last year, 2012, the Lord was teaching me about His unconditional love.  Well, now the lesson for this new season of my life is hope.

                I asked you what hope is and listed some suggestions:  Is it a feeling?  It is a resolution?  Is it a state of mind?  I believe it’s all three of those.  Like many probably, I used to think it was only a feeling though, but I’ve come to learn it’s much more.  It must be more because “if only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.” (1Co 15:19)

Hope goes deeper than our emotions.  Feelings can be so fickle.  “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” (Jer 17:9)  Your emotions can so easily be swayed, and your heart will lie to you sometimes.  Trust me, I just recently experienced first-hand the false front of my own emotions.  (See Red, Black, and… a Smile! High Heels and Humility)  With our own feelings and hearts being so untrustworthy then, hope needs to be rooted in firmer soil if it’s to ever survive the testing of life.

            The world in which we live is not favorable to hope.  In fact, the Enemy in the world will do everything within his power to kill and destroy hope in you.  He wants to rob you of the joy found in hope.  And that’s why hope cannot be only an emotion.

            Some days, you won’t always feel very hopeful.  When your situation looks glum and impossible, you probably won’t feel hope.  But can you still have hope even when you don’t feel it?  I believe you can.  Because our hearts can be so fickle, we have to follow not our hearts, but the guidance of God, which means that our emotions and what we know to be true won’t always coincide.  Sometimes they’ll be at odds with each other, in fact.  We have to learn to control our hearts, or should I say, to allow the Lord to control them.  Hope is a resolution we must make to embrace in our lives, and it’s a state of mind and spirit that we must adopt even when our hearts feel hopeless.  We must learn to not always believe what our hearts tell us, but rather to tell our hearts what we believe.  You have to first know and understand the hope you have in Christ no matter what and then you must adhere to a resolution to believe in that hope when your heart tells you there is no hope left.

            It’s confusing, I know.  Heart, mind, spirit… it’s a lot to keep track of, yes.  But trust me, the joy and peace found in hope is so worth the effort of grasping the entirety of hope itself.

            In the prior two posts, I share with you all two of the struggles I most recently experienced.  (See Red, Black, and… a Smile! High Heels and Humility and Red, Black, and… a Smile! Pt. 2 Red Coat Recovery)  For several months, I had gone through a season of waging war with God for control of my emotions.  I was trying to hold onto something while He was trying to turn my heart in another direction and take me to a new level of experience, into a new season.  During this time, I lost all my hope.  I lost faith and hope in all my dreams.  I lost my enthusiasm in all my ambitions.  I felt… hopeless.  And at the time, that was all I knew hope to be, an emotion.  Something I felt.  Therefore, I lost hope because I never really understood it.  I gave it up.

            In reality though, I never truly had genuine hope.  I had the sunny-feeling aspect of it, but that was all.  When I surrendered the control of my emotions over to the Lord that morning though and He opened my eyes to the truth, He also began returning to me not only the shallow hope I had known before, but He began teaching me what true hope really is.  He has restored my faith in my dreams and ambitions, and He has given me yet another new beginning.  He has removed the callouses of my heart and has taught me to learn to love again.  He has given me… hope.

            When I surrendered to His will, such a joy and a peace swept over me like nothing I had ever experienced.  I felt it like a tidal wave, just soaking me.  Like a light that set forth from my heart and spread throughout all my body.  It was an immediate reaction that took place the minute I gave in.  My heart felt so light.  Such a burden had been lifted from it, something I had been trying to overcome on my own for months by sheer willpower.  But it wasn’t until my will was defeated and His will overcame that I could receive the freedom I yearned for.

            In the moment when He restored my hope and gave me a hope I had never known, a smile spread across my face so broad and I laughed!  I felt happier than I had felt in a very long time.  But that’s what hope feels like, isn’t it?  Joy unimaginable.  He filled my cup with joy overflowing.  “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Ro 12:12)

            Another benefit of hope is peace.  I had felt restless and discontent in the deep chasms of my heart because all the while, my heart had been a battleground for control of my emotions.  I felt miserable deep within.  “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Pr 13:12)  My spirit wasn’t in alignment with God’s will for my life and I experienced no peace.  My mind was always troubled no matter how far back I pushed the cares and no matter how expertise I had become in ignoring them.  Joy, peace, and hope all came together to me.  “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Php 4:7)  And it was truly beyond all comprehension.  It was a divine peace that could come only from the Prince of Peace Himself.  He has restored my soul.  “A heart at peace gives life to the body…” (Pr 14:30)  “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.” (Ps 62:5)  And now that He has renewed my hope, He has begun teaching me how to root it into my knowledge so that I may never again forget the promise of hope I have in Him.

                So I ask you now, What is your conception of hope?  And where in your life have you perhaps exchanged it for the pessimism of the world?  Learn to laugh and smile again as I learned to.  But smiling is a very conscious and deliberate action and it isn’t always easy.  To smile, you must use muscles in your face; it’s easier not to smile, it takes less effort.  Allow the Lord to teach you how to embrace a genuine hope that will set a smile on your face despite your situation and the uncertainty of what the future holds.  “… she can laugh at the days to come.” (Pr 31:25)  Like the saying goes, a smile is a curve that can set everything straight.  “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” (Pr 15:30)  “A cheerful heart is good medicine…” (Pr 17:22)

            The Lord has given me new hope and restored my faith in the plans He has for me.  He has given me a new song to sing.  “Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Eph 5:19&20)  Let Him do the same for you, friends.  And so I close with a smile and a sincere prayer for each and every one of you: “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with all of you.” (2Th 3:16)

 

 

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31

 

 

*I thought I’d share with you all a few of my favorite songs about hope and optimism.  My Hope Is In You by Aaron Shust is a top favorite in my music collection; Love Won’t Quit On Us by MIKESCHAIR speaks specifically to the fear and disappointments we sometimes face in love; In You by Jonny Diaz reminds us of the hope we have of still being able to bring glory to Christ despite our short-comings and imperfections; and Red Umbrella by Faith Hill speaks of looking on the bright side despite the rainclouds in our lives.  You can find beginner guitar chords for In You by Jonny Diaz on my The Avid Author blog, post Jonny Diaz Song Chords (www.theavidauthor.blogspot.com).

 

 

 

 

 ~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords?  I was struggling to decide what to name my blog.  I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful.  As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments.  They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions.  They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment.  A musician selects his songs according to his audience.  So do we.  Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different.  This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.  Music is a powerful tool.  Use it for His glory.  “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

 

                       

           

           

             

           

                

 

           

Red, Black, and... a Smile! Pt. 2

Red Coat Recovery

           

            All right, let’s go back to mine and my mom’s recent shopping trip.  I needed a new coat.  Here I loved getting dressed up but would always have to wear my Carharrt work jacket with my dress clothes to church.  So I needed something a little classier, my mom decided and after a time, I finally agreed with her.  With that said, what better place to look for a coat than the Burlington Coat Factory?

            So my mom and I drove up to the Sugarloaf Mills (Discover Mills) Mall near our home.  There’s no doubt they certainly have good reason to call the store a coat factory.  Rows and rows of jackets and coats.  It was going to take a little while.  So we set to searching one by one.  Coat after coat my mom would pull out for my yea or nay of it.  Most of the coats were neutral colors to match with virtually anything in your closet: shades of white, black, gray, or brown.  Those that were different were dark colors like dark green or dark purple.  But amidst all the others, a red pea-coat stood out.

            Like my black high heels, both my mom and I loved it at first sight.  And it was my size!  I slid my arms into the sleeves and buttoned the big black buttons down my front.  It fit perfectly.  Along with a black coat, we purchased the red wool coat.  It was true, the black was more practical, but the red jacket was different.  It was unusual.  It was special.

            For those of you that read my post More Beautiful You from back in November 2012, you’ll remember that I used to struggle with low self-esteem back in my early pre-teen and teenage years.  Since then, I’ve grown to love the person God created me to be; low self-esteem is no longer something I struggle with.  I accept who I am now.  I know I’m created unique and special and different, just like my red coat.  But lately, I found myself asking a new question: Am I too different to… Ever have someone want to publish my stories?  Ever inspire people to really get to know me?  Ever have a Mr. Right out there somewhere?

            It wasn’t that I wanted to change who I was; I didn’t resent my differentness from others.  I still loved the person I was, but I was beginning to see my uniqueness as a hindrance to my opportunities in life rather than as the blessing the Lord intended it to be.  Maybe I was too much a dreamer, too reserved, too much of a romantic.  Maybe I should just give up on all my dreams and live as a recluse the rest of my life.  It seemed easier.  I began to grow bitter and hardened towards my ambitions.  They seemed so fruitless.  I couldn’t see any progress, no path through the thicket.  I was just about through with writing and with my dreams of love and a family someday.  I was ready to throw in the towel.  I had given up hope.  I used to talk about my future husband, whoever he was; now everything had a doubtful “if I ever get married” before it.  I had grown accustomed to the idea of living the rest of my life single and becoming “an old maid.”  I used to think “when I get my book published”; now I thought “if I ever get my book published.”  In my opinion, it was practically all over.  What was the use of holding onto my dreams any longer when I just didn’t have in my “uniqueness” what it took to fit the bill?  I had long forgotten the words of my dad once, telling me to, “Dare to dream even when the world around you can’t.”  But rarely did I talk to anyone about my feelings nor did I hardly ever cry over the disappointment because remember, I was the “master of my emotions.”  (See Red, Black, and… a Smile! High Heels and Humility)

            Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of our dreams amidst the pessimism of the world.  When the world puts limits around what it says is possible and practical, it’s easy to give up on our ambitions just because they don’t fit inside the small box of what’s “rational.”  Big things only happen to important people, they tell us.  Only celebrities can write a chart-topping song.  Only bestselling authors can write a selling book.  Only big-time evangelists can be used by God to touch millions of lives.  But guess what the world doesn’t remind us of?  All celebrities wrote their first song tucked away in their quiet bedroom, all bestselling authors wrote chapter by chapter their first story hidden away in a silent alcove, all big-time evangelists were first used by God to touch one life.  I have on the counter of my bathroom sink a little card that reads “All things big were once things small.  Your task is not impossible at all!”  An encouraging reminder and so true it is.  “Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible with men is possible with God.’” (Mt 18:27)  “For nothing is impossible with God.” (Lk 1:37)

            Not only are you and I created uniquely and differently, but we were created for a specific purpose here on this earth.  Not only are you and I set apart, but we are set apart for a reason, for a divine purpose that only God knows and only He can reveal to us in His timing if we seek His guidance.  You may not be popular, you may not have a lot of friends, you may not make a lot of money or be successful by the standards the world uses to measure success, but you are not too different to fulfill the call the Lord has for your life.  I am not too different.  He created us all different, yes, but He also created you and He created me just right, just perfect, for carrying out His will for our lives.

            I wore my new red coat to the Mall of Georgia the next day, and a woman in one of the stores gave me my first compliment on it.  If my red coat, as unique as it is, can be admired by someone, maybe so can I.  Maybe I too can be loved, respected, and accepted by others for who I am.  Maybe I can, maybe you can… maybe we can and learn to love others for their own individual uniqueness at the same time.  

           

“… I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard see, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

 

 

 

*A few favorite songs of mine pertaining to having the courage to stand out and be different and to learn to be content with the person God created you to be: The Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole, Headphones by Britt Nicole, Glow by Britt Nicole, and More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz.  I’ve recently expanded the content on my writing blog The Avid Author to include not only writing tips and songs, poem, short stories, etc. that I’ve written, but also song lyrics and beginner guitar chords now that I’ve picked out.  For guitar chords for More Beautiful You, check out my posts Jonny Diaz Song Chords and More Jonny Diaz Song Chords on The Avid Author (www.theavidauthor.blogspot.com) for chords for several others of Jonny Diaz’s songs as well.  Additionally, two of my favorite songs about taking a step of faith and dreaming the impossible are Walk On the Water by Britt Nicole and Monotone by Jonny Diaz (chords for Monotone can also be found on The Avid Author).

 

 ~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords?  I was struggling to decide what to name my blog.  I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful.  As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments.  They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions.  They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment.  A musician selects his songs according to his audience.  So do we.  Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different.  This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.  Music is a powerful tool.  Use it for His glory.  “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

 

                       

           

           

             

           



Red, Black, and... a Smile!

High Heels and Humility

 

Humilty.  You’ve gotta love it, right?  I admit I’m a proud person.  But then, pride isn’t necessarily a bad thing unless it becomes vanity.  Still we can all use a dose of humiliation every now and then to keep our pride in check though, can’t we?  I did anyways, and that’s exactly what I got.

I’ve always been the prim-and-proper prissy type ever since I was a little girl.  Think frills, bows, and white shoes and that was me at six-years-old.  Now I love suits and sundresses… the ritzy look, the glimmer and the glam.  It’s true, I love my cowboy boots, but I also love getting dressed up still.  And I love high heels.  I was wearing my little dress-up heels around the house by the time I learned how to write my name.  Remember those little plastic high heels your little girls wore growing up?  Or, girls, maybe you wore them yourself when you were young. 

With that said, my mom and I were out on a shopping trip this past week when we came across a pair of black satin peep-toe high heels.  They caught both of our attentions.  Ladies, you know how it is; sometimes you just fall in love with a shoe.  The heel was slightly higher than my other shoes at home, so I tested my stability by walking around the shoe department with them on.  “And you’re sure you can walk in them?” my mom asked.  “I don’t want you to have life’s most embarrassing moment,” she added with a laugh.  Oh, I could just picture it.  I would walk into our church sanctuary and start following my parents down the aisle to take our seats… and then.  Oh, and then!  I would lose my balance and start tipping and grapping desperately for something to help me regain my footing, hopefully grasping onto a chair rather than seizing someone’s arm.  My face would flush deep crimson as always, my cheeks burning hot with embarrassment.  I’d look around to see if anyone else saw, and of course with my luck they would’ve.  Though a humiliating vision, I laughed at the thought and nodded.  “I’m sure,” I told my mom.  And so the high heels were purchased.

You’re probably starting to wonder what black high heels have to do with humility, but here it is now.  High heels make a woman taller; they put her up on a pedestal.  So does vanity. 

           But high heels aren’t easy to walk in.  A girl can’t just put on a pair of four-inch heels and automatically be able to walk in them gracefully the first time.  There’s an art to it.  It takes ankle strength, and the stronger your ankles become, the higher heels you can wear.  Confidence is definitely not a bad thing, so don’t get me wrong; I endorse healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.  Personally, I’m a very confident person.  But I can testify that the more confidence and self-esteem you gain in yourself- the stronger your confidence becomes- the more susceptible you are to begin thinking too highly of yourself and placing yourself above others.  Confidence is something to strive for, but with it, you do need to be on your guard against vanity and arrogance.  Knowledge is another easy snare by which we can fall into the trap of pride.  But remember, that “the man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.” (2Co 8:2)  Wearing heels also takes good balance.  Vanity may boost your ego up so much higher than everyone else, but it’s an unsteady place to be.  “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Pr 16:18)  And sometimes literally, as in the vision of losing my steadiness.

Yesterday morning, I had a humbling experience of my own.  Fortunately, it wasn’t humiliating at least, although sometimes we become so set in pride that a hard fall off our pedestal is exactly what we need despite the embarrassment.  But no, my lesson in humility came in the spiritual and emotional realm rather than the physical.

One of my many trip-ups is the management of my emotions.  I too often pride myself on my strict control of my feelings much more than I should.  I have a way of disguising my emotions so no one knows what I’m feeling or thinking at times.  In truth, I can usually be a good fake when I want to be.  I thought I was the master of my emotions, the expert at acting, the pro at pretending.  I like to be in control, and managing my feelings only sustained that power need.  “Cool, calm, and collected” was my moto.  When it came to knowing my emotions, I was the most well-educated person that ever lived and breathed… or so I thought.

But in reality, I didn’t know my own heart.  It wasn’t until a morning this past week that I took a close look within and examined my own feelings.  What prompted it?  Partly a dream I had, partly a conversation with my mom, and partly a reflection over the last several months.  I thought I was so in control of my emotions, but God was doing a work in my heart for months without me even knowing it.  I wasn’t mastering my emotions as well as I thought I had been… but He was.  My heart, my feelings, were in His hands and in His control, not mine.  In reality, by engaging with the Lord in a power struggle for my emotions, I did more damage to them than I realized.  I was going through life happy and content I thought, but deep down in the chasm of my heart, I wasn’t at peace.  Something was wrong; there was a tumult of emotions, chaos of confused feelings being ordered in opposite directions by two masters with two very different priorities.  I was almost brought to tears that morning, I was so overwhelmed.  How did I get that way? I wondered.  I was so in control.  But I wasn’t really.  I never had been.  I could put a mask on my emotions for the world, but I couldn’t hide them from God.  I was fine it seemed, but my heart was in a battle of havoc. 

When I examined my own heart and finally saw the work the Lord had been doing there, it was a surprising realization but one that brought me great joy nonetheless.  I couldn’t stop smiling and shaking my head in disbelief.  I can’t count how many times I laughed and repeated over and over to myself, “Julie, how could you be so dumb?”  How could I have not known my own heart when it was so obvious had I stopped and looked within?  But I was happy beyond words, and I finally felt… at peace again.  The battle of my emotions had seized, and a weight had been lifted from my heart.

I had taken pride in controlling my feelings, but that pride had fallen.  I had become vain in my ability to conceal my deepest emotions from anyone, but that vanity had been exposed.  I had struggled with a clenched fist, but He has opened my hands to embrace whatever He has in store for me.  He has won the battle; the war is over.  I pray you can say the same of the calloused areas of stubbornness and vanity that we all have and try to hold onto.  Maybe, just maybe like me, it’s time to fall from the height of high heels.

 

“Do nothing out of self-spirit ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3

 

 

*Looking for a song about laying down our stubbornness and allowing God to win the battle for our hearts?  Check out a favorite of mine: White Flag by Passion.

 

*I apologize, everyone, for the long delay in blogging.  With a long period of recuperating from a cold flu and getting back into my old schedule after the busy holidays, I haven’t been writing much.  I know some of you may be wondering whatever became of my Judas Iscariot post series though.  I’m learning that I have so much to say and so little time to say it in that series of posts don’t survive well the constant cycle of my lessons.  It’s just one of the quirks of this blog I suppose, like the videos I can never get to upload and play properly.  The lessons from Judas were wonderful, but I learned them in that season and now it’s time to move on.

 

 ~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords?  I was struggling to decide what to name my blog.  I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful.  As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments.  They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions.  They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment.  A musician selects his songs according to his audience.  So do we.  Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different.  This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument.  Music is a powerful tool.  Use it for His glory.  “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3