Heart-Chords: November 2012

Monday, November 26, 2012

Judas Iscariot: the Man, the Mistake, & the Message

Hello, everyone! Fellow Americans, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, spending time with friends and family, and to my international readers, I hope you had a beautiful day of thanksgiving!

I know many of you have been anticipating this post, so I’m pleased to announce that this is the first in our Judas Iscariot series as we study a few aspects of this man, his mistake, and the message it holds for each of us. True, a holiday post series would probably be more appropriate for this time of the season, but since I always do things different anyways, we’re going to go ahead and try to squeeze this series in before Christmas.

All right, now we all probably have some basic understanding of who Judas Iscariot was, but since it’s so important that we’re all on the same page, let’s begin our study with a quick recap of what the Bible tells us about this guy. We know he was one of the twelve disciples, and although the Bible doesn’t tell us what his occupation was before he became a disciple, we do know that he was in charge of the money bag of the group. If he was chosen as the treasurer, he obviously knew how to handle money, so we can take a guess that maybe he used to be the equivalent to a modern-day accountant or banker. Unfortunately, we don’t know if Judas was married and had a family of his own or not. Throughout the course of the Gospels, Judas actually isn’t really mentioned much, but at the end of each as the time of Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion approaches, this man comes to light in a very significant- but not exactly favorable- role.

All throughout Jesus’ ministry here on earth, the chief priests and elders of the church never really liked Him. In any good story, the bad guys and the good guys are always at odds, and in this story, they had long been scheming how to arrest Jesus and kill Him. So after Mary, Lazarus’s sister, had anointed Jesus’ feet at Bethany, Judas went to the chief priests and agreed to betray Jesus and turn Him over to them for the reward of thirty silver coins. During the Last Supper, Judas played off his back-stabbing plan pretty well for it brewing just under the surface. The other disciples didn’t even suspect a thing, he faked it off so well… but Jesus knew. Judas left the supper and went to the chief priests, and the group later barged in on Jesus and the other disciples as they were praying in the garden of Gethsemane. With a kiss of greeting to Jesus, Judas secretly indicated to the crowd that the man standing before him was Jesus, the one to be apprehended. The story goes on, and Jesus was arrested and taken away to undergo an obstacle course of judicial trials and physical torment before He paid the ultimate sacrifice in His death on the cross. In the meantime, Judas watched as Jesus was bound and taken to Governor Pilate and “when Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse.” (Mt 27:3) Judas goes down to the temple and tries to make things right again and reverse his actions by returning the reward money. But it’s too late. The damage had already been wrought. The chief priests and elders told him, “That’s your responsibility.” Judas threw the reward money into the temple anyways and left. The last we see of Judas is his tragic death when he hangs himself.

From this recap, I think we can all agree that Jesus is the hero of the story and that Judas is one of the villains. To put it another way, Judas is the guy with the black hat that ends up turning on the rest of the group and shooting the Boss in the back. But if we all think of him as being such a rotten guy for betraying Jesus, why am I devoting a whole series of posts to studying him then? Well, because we all have a little Judas in us at some time or another. You may protest, “I’m not a traitor!” but in reality, Judas’s faults aren’t so very different from our own.

I’ve never liked Judas’s part in the story of Jesus’ crucifixion. Even as a little girl, his story always made me sad. I always felt sorry for him in a way. But as I was doing some research for this series, I realized that my sentiments and opinions aren’t shared by everyone. In fact, Judas Iscariot is actually a fairly controversial figure, I learned. You may not agree with my opinions on everything concerning Judas, but that’s perfectly all right. Everyone is entitled to his own opinion. But if you do have a different perspective, please feel free to leave me a comment and share your opinion with me and the other readers here. I’d love to hear your take on the subject! Additionally, as a disclaimer, I’m no expert on Bible history, so if you’re a Bible scholar and you find that any of my facts are wrong, please let me know so I can include a correction in my following posts.

As you might have guessed, this was just an introductory post to the series. Next time we’ll get into the heart of the lessons, but this time, I wanted to sum up for you what we know from the Bible about Judas because we’re going to be taking these details one at a time in the upcoming posts and it’s important that we keep in mind the basics of what we’re told about him. I’m so excited about sharing with you all what the Lord’s revealed to me through this man’s life. Good stuff that I don’t think you’ll want to miss. I hope you’ll check back in and join me on this journey.

~We’ve all heard of the phrase “pulling on her/ his heartstrings,” but heart-chords? I was struggling to decide what to name my blog. I wanted it to be a name that was both creative and meaningful. As I pondered, my gaze fell upon my acoustic guitar where it stands in my bedroom, and the Lord reminded me that our hearts- our lives- are instruments. They are constantly in song, but what melody our heart plays is each of our own decisions. They can play a melody for praise or for entertainment. A musician selects his songs according to his audience. So do we. Whether our audience is the world or the Lord, our song will be different. This blog is designed to first, increase my awareness in finding God and His guidance in my every day and second, to share the music lessons He teaches me in tuning my heart to learn the chords of praise He longs to play on my heart-instrument. Music is a powerful tool. Use it for His glory. “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Loving or In Love?

All right, let me begin by asking you a question: “Is there a difference between loving and being in love?” Of course there is, right? I love my parents, my sisters, my best friend, but I’m not in love with any of them. Being “in love” implies a romantic attraction between a man and a woman, a deep, passionate, head-over-heels kind of love. So now that we agree on that, let me ask you another question: “Are you in love with Jesus?” If you’re like me, you’d probably reply, “Definitely,” without any hesitation, but I advise you not to answer too hastily.

We all go through seasons in our spiritual life… at least I hope you do. Times of learning and growing, times of lessons. In the season I’m in right now, the Lord’s been teaching me about love. About loving Him and as a byproduct, loving others.

I grew up in a Christian household, and I’m so grateful for that, but as a result, I never truly experienced that “wow” moment at God’s unconditional love. He never really awed me. I never really felt that new-believer’s enthusiasm, that experience of being so on fire for God and excited about Him and the things He loves. I grew up going to church every Sunday, I was familiar with Bible stories before I could even read, and when I learned, I was reading my own little Bible for myself. With that said, I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior at a very early age, before I even really felt the weight of my own sins and realized how badly I was in need of Him. As a child, my relationship with Christ was viewing Him as my security of going to Heaven when I die, of the Giver of all the blessings I had in my life, and He was who we prayed to before eating and before going to sleep.

As I got older, in my preteen and early teenage years, my conception of God began to deepen a little. As I struggled with my self-esteem and self-worth (if you’ve not read my testimony about that, see the post titled More Beautiful You), I began to view Jesus as my best friend. I began to see Him more clearly for who He is, and like everyone does in hard times, I grew very close to Him in that season. As I grew older, I began to see just how much in need of Him I truly was, how badly I needed His grace to cover my sins and how desperately I needed His strength to live for Him every day. I saw Him wearing the hats of all of His many names… all but one. The Bridegroom. I could never get my arms around that one.

So you see, I’ve loved Jesus my whole life… but now, He’s teaching me to love Him differently. I grew up hearing the story of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection. There’s nothing new about that story to me. But recently, as I’ve been preparing for my Judas post series, I opened my Bible to the four Gospels again. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I admit it had been a very long time since I had been in these four books. But as I began reading again this story I’ve known since childhood, something began to happen. I was truly… wowed. Jesus awed me for the first time. I began going back and reading the beginning and middle of the Gospels again, reading about the life and ministry of Jesus as He walked on this earth, and you know what? I found myself so engrossed in reading about this Man that I couldn’t put the Book down. I would open the Bible just to read a little or to look something up, and the next thing I would know, I was running behind schedule because I had lingered in its pages too long. For the first time, I was truly beginning to see the character of Jesus Himself as I began to read with a mature understanding about His time here in my everyday world. I found myself not just loving Him, but learning to fall in love with Him.

It’s a beautiful thing to love Jesus, but I think it’s even more beautiful to be in love with Him. In fact, I believe it’s His desire and will for us to not just love Him but to fall in love with Him. In His Word, we see the Church as Christ’s bride and Himself as the bridegroom. That was not coincidental. If you’ve ever seen a bride and a groom together, there’s no mistaking that they’re in love with each other. It’s obvious, and that’s how Jesus wants it to be with us. “A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (Jn 13:34&35) The world will know us by our love for others and by our love for Christ.

My lesson for this season of my spiritual walk is to learn to love. I’m truly getting that new believer’s zeal for the first time as I’m finally beginning to grasp just how great God’s love is. I’ve always known He loved me; I’ve been a follower of Him since childhood. But I never really knew, I never really understood the magnitude of it… but I do now, and it never ceases to amaze me just how much He loves me. He loves us… and He loves you. Who knows that love is contagious though? As I’m falling in love with Jesus, that love is overflowing and I’m finding that He is teaching me how to love others as He loves them. To see people through His eyes and to love them unconditionally no matter their situation, no matter what kind of person they are, no matter what they may have done to me. I can now say that I’m a people-lover. I love people now, as the whole of humanity and as individuals, because I love with the love of Christ in me. And yes, that even means you, my blog-readers. I feel there’s someone out there who’s going to read this blog and needs to hear this message, so if that’s you, I want to reaffirm this truth in your heart and in your mind: I don’t know what you’re going through and I don’t know your situation in life, but I know of two people who love you no matter what, no matter where you find yourself today. I love you, and most importantly, Jesus loves you. We both love you and care about your life and your future. I can’t be with you where you are, but Jesus can. He’s always with you, friend, no matter where you are. He’s with you in all of your blunders, in all of your mistakes, in those moments when you give into temptation, He’s at your side and sees it all. But despite all of our bruises, burdens, and falls, He still loves you and He still loves me even with all of our faults. How great is the love of God, my friend.

The Bible is filled with passages talking about love. Clearly, love is important to God. In Mark 12:28-34, we read of a particular encounter of Jesus with a teacher of the law. It says that the man asked Jesus, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” There is no commandment greater than these. Why did Jesus call these two commandments about love the greatest of them all? Because all stems from a love of God. If you love God, He’ll help you learn to love people as He does. And if you love people, you begin to see life through the eyes of Christ and live life with the hands of love. And honestly, I believe it all begins when we can learn to not only love Jesus but to fall in love with Him, because it’s then that our conception of love begins to change, our relationship with Him deepens, and we truly grasp how great His love is for us personally and for all of humanity. In response to Jesus’ words, the teacher of the law said this: “‘Well said, teacher,’ the man replied. ‘You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.’ When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, ‘You are not far from the kingdom of God.’” Friends, when we can grasp the depth of God’s love, we have drawn very near to His heart. For our God is a God of love.

Another passage I want to share with you all takes place when Jesus is praying at the Last Supper. Now if you’re like me, you probably usually skip over this part because it’s a little long, but take the time to read this prayer if you haven’t in a while. In this passage, Jesus has just prayed for Himself and for His disciples, and now He goes on to pray for all believers- for you and me. I won’t cite the whole prayer for you because it’s several verses long, but here’s what He says amidst it: “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (v. 23) Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” (John 17:23, 25&26) Jesus is praying here that God’s love may be in us and that His love may unify us- the Church, the body of believers- so that we can share His love with the world. How though can we share the love of God with the world if we can’t grasp its greatness and entirety?

On a solemn note of recognition, we live in a sinful world with a lot of problems, don’t we? Rape, fornication, adultery, pornography, prostitution, illegitimate pregnancies… One commonality in them all is the action of looking for love and fulfillment in the wrong place. We were created with a need to love and be loved in return; we were designed with that desire for romantic love and intimacy in a man-woman relationship. That desire is perfectly normal and there’s certainly nothing wrong with feeling that need. It’s God-given and God-planned. But how often I wonder do we enter into relationships with the expectation of having that void we feel miraculously fulfilled. A healthy and God-ordained relationship with your spouse, your boyfriend, or girlfriend is a gift from the Lord, but relationships will always bring some disappointments to your expectations. Why? Because we are all imperfect human beings. Your complete and total fulfillment for love and intimacy will ultimately not come from romantic attachments, although they are the Lord’s way of providing for future generations and likewise enhancing your life with close companionship. But there is One who can bring you total fulfillment and offer His love wholly, devotedly, and entirely faithfully. Who better knows how to satisfy your deepest desires for love than the One who gave you those very desires? Intimacy between a man and a woman is a desire that is a very real part of each of us, but a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ can fulfill that desire better than any human being walking on the face of this earth can. Falling in love with Him is better than even the best love story the greatest author in the world could write. We ask ourselves how the Apostle Paul could find such contentment in his singlehood and rejoice in his state of celibacy. Maybe he learned that there’s a love far more fulfilling to his desire than the love any human could ever give. The world is looking for love in all the wrong places, and it’s our responsibility to provide them with the treasure of their hunt, to turn them to the One who understands their desires best and can fulfill their deepest needs for love better than anyone.

Maybe you’re like me and you love Jesus, but you just can’t get your arms around the bride and bridegroom relationship. You just aren’t in love with Him like that. Maybe you consider it’s weird to even think of Jesus fulfilling your romantic desires. But if He’s everything we need and if we’re created with those desires, how can He can not? Brothers in Christ, honestly, this relationship is probably going to be particularly difficult for you to grasp, especially since being part of the body of believers, you’re on the bride side of the relationship. I know it would be hard for me at least if I was a guy. But I can promise you, if you can get this, it will be well worth the effort and it will make all the difference in the world in your life. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience. I encourage each of you, readers, to search your hearts and examine your love for Christ. Ask yourself the question I posed to you earlier: “Are you in love with Jesus?” Or do you just love Him? Be honest with yourself. If you find in your heart that you have never experienced that stirring love for Him within you, I encourage you to bring out your Bible and turn to the four Gospels and just begin to read. It doesn’t matter where in the books you begin, just start reading. I don’t think there’s any better way to fall in love with Jesus than to see Him living, breathing, and moving in your own world. And if that person struggling to grasp the greatness of God’s love for him personally is you, know that I wrote this post for you with you in mind. Be assured that I’m praying for you, and I love you even as Jesus loves all of us. You are special- uniquely created- and you are loved.

Falling in love with Jesus is taking your spiritual relationship to another level. Friends, this is so important to get. I can’t stress how much of an impact this will have on your life and your relationships if you can learn to fall in love with Jesus and see Him as the bridegroom of your life. This I truly believe is the key to living your life to the fullest extent that He wants you to live it by viewing life in the light of His love. I can talk on and on about how great and how incredible His love is, but unless you experience it for yourself, all of my words are simply… words. Maybe you have experienced this before, but the love has grown cold and stale over time. The excitement has waxed old. Love needs continuous nurturing to survive. It needs communication and quality time. Maybe it’s time to enter into His presence and rekindle the love that once was. Maybe a lovers’ rendezvous with your Bridegroom is long overdue. Allow Him to captivate your heart and hold it prisoner, friends. It’s safe in His hands, and He yearns to own it. He deserves it. Dare to fall in love with Jesus, and I promise you, you will not be disappointed in His love you find in return. Don’t just be content loving Him, but allow Him to lavish His immense love on you as you fall in love with Him in return. Yes, it’s deep; yes, it’s passionate and fulfilling, holy and pure; and yes, you’ll be head-over-heels before you know it for this Hero of the world. He is not restoring unto me “the joy of my salvation”; He is teaching me the full joy of it… and it’s more beautiful than anyone could imagine. I want that for each of you, and it’s my fervent prayer and desire that you learn to fall in love with Him just as I have and am still continuing to. Let’s not grow drowsy and fall asleep unprepared for our Lord’s long-anticipated return like the five foolish virgins did in Jesus’ parable in Matthew 25. The Bridegroom will be coming for His bride. Let Him not find a bride who is out of love and out of touch with Him… who has forsaken her first love. (Rev 2:4)

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13:13

*Speaking of spending quality time with Christ, my three favorite places for a Jesus rendezvous is my church, within the pages of my Bible, and in my bed. I love lying in my bed, putting on some music, and simply enjoying Him and allowing Him to delight in me. Yes, He does delight in you. “Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight.” (Isa 42:1) A favorite song of mine to listen to in those moments is called Your Love by Brandon Heath. I love the reminder of its lyrics that no matter where we are or where we’ve been, that God’s love is the most important thing that really matters in the end. It never fails… the song’s powerful truth always makes me close my eyes and lift my hands to Heaven. Another two great songs about Christ’s love is Love Is Here by Tenth Avenue North and You Saw Me by Hillsong Live. His love is always enough, isn’t it, blog-reader friends?

*Additionally, I received word concerning the novel contest I had entered back in July 2012. My book didn’t make it to the second round entrants, but I want to thank each of you that supported me in your prayers. Please continue to keep the situation in your prayers as I take the next step to getting the powerful message of this book into your hands, readers, and search for a literary agent after the holidays. And to the second round winners should you be reading this, my heart-felt congratulations to you, my best wishes for your success in the remainder of the contest, and may the Lord bless your literary career.

*And still furthermore, I know many of you are probably curious as to what my cousin and I decided to buy from the World Vision catalogue (see my post title Missionary Moment). To answer your question, we decided to use our $75 combined, in addition to the $50 my parents are going to contribute, to give $50 to help save girls from a life of prostitution and $75 to buy a goat for a family this Christmas. Again, if you’d like to learn more about World Vision and their mission, check out their website at donate.worldvision.org.

Photo courtesy: www.123rf.com

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Missionary Moment

We like to close our eyes sometimes to people hurting, don’t we? Because it just hurts us too much to see their pain. It hurts us so therefore we try not to think about their hurt. We don’t like to frame it in that light, but that’s basically how it is, isn’t it? It sounds kind of… un-Jesus-like that way.

Last year as Thanksgiving approached, my oldest sister received in the mail a catalogue from World Vision. For those of you that are not familiar with World Vision, it’s a company through which you can support a child, make donations to help people in third-world countries, and even buy livestock or necessary supplies like medicine, clothing, schoolbooks, etc. for the people. Many reputable people have endorsed them; a great testimony if you’re like me and skeptically wonder if a company is actually legit and “on the up-and-up.”

If you know me very well, you know I have a missionary’s heart. If you only know me as the author of Heart-chords and The Avid Author but have read my post from June 2012 title Compassion, you still might’ve guessed as much. I have long had a burden for people in need both in my own nation and in other countries. Unfortunately, I’ve always assumed I never had the means to make much of a difference. I’m just a kid without even a paying job. I’m not a millionaire who can donate a ton of money to missionaries and organizations, I always thought to myself.

And then the World Vision catalogue came in last year. My sister and I looked through it together as we sat at the kitchen counter, and I was amazed at how inexpensive many of the items were. For instance, for only $18, you could buy three ducks for a family. Three ducks would not only provide the family with a healthier diet by incorporating into their meals fresh eggs, but the baby ducklings reproduced could be sold to help the family make a living for themselves. For only $18. I began to wonder if maybe “just a kid” like me could actually improve an impoverished family’s life after all.

That thought stayed with me throughout the entire year. Time after time it would find its way into my thoughts. I just couldn’t forget about it. And then today, the World Vision catalogue came in the mail again. As I flipped through the catalogue, page by page, my heart broke for the people in need. It was torn from my chest as I studied the pictures of families who had been helped through World Vision… not torn for the people who had been helped but for the hundreds of people just like them who I knew were still in need. My conscience was pricked again just as it had been last year as I reflected on how blessed I was. I had just received forty dollars in birthday money. For me, forty dollars was just money that was going to be saved for a rainy day shopping spree. For unprivileged people around the world, forty dollars is money that can be used to buy chickens, ducks, rabbits, fruit trees, vegetable seeds, a family fishing kit, mosquito bed nets, $420 worth of medicine, $420 worth of new clothing, $125 worth of emergency food for people who are starving, and $600 worth of supplies for a school. It could help save a girl just like me from a life of prostitution. It could help send a girl to school, help give the people a well as a clean water source, give children a soccer ball to enjoy childhood games with. It could place Bibles in the hands of children who are eager for the Word of God in their native language. How very much we take for granted, friends.

And then at the back of the catalogue, I saw a page that I hadn’t remembered seeing last year. It listed opportunities for you to donate and give amounts worth of necessities to families, buy school supplies, and feed a family of five for either a week or for a day. But these were not families in other countries. These were people in the United States. These were my fellow Americans. It was the last straw. My heart split right down the middle and cracked open. How is it that we can be so blind to need in our countries? So blind and oblivious to the needs around us every day.

I was reminded of a time several weeks ago when my mom and I had been in the city of Madison, antique shopping. Some of you will remember me mentioning Madison before. We were walking along the main street busy and bustling with other shoppers when we saw a man who was walking along the brick sidewalk as well stop and rummage through a garbage can. What was he doing? we wondered. His clothes weren’t tattered and worn; surely he wasn’t homeless. Maybe he was just looking for something he had thrown away by accident? Next we watched as he pulled out a McDonald’s cup and container that had no doubt held the remains of someone else’s meal. The man took a seat on the nearby park bench and finished off the leftovers, and then later as we were eating ice cream, we watched from across the street as he traveled from garbage can to garbage can, looking for something more to fill his stomach. We finished our ice cream in somewhat solemn silence, and as we threw away our trash, compassion drove me to carefully set my container of leftover ice cream upright in the garbage can for the homeless man to hopefully find and enjoy as an uncommon treat. I still can’t lose the feeling of grief that sight caused me. The compassion it arose in me was so deep, and I felt such love for that man… I had no idea that God could release such love within me for humanity and that I could feel such a burden for a person.

By the time I reached the end of the catalogue, I couldn’t sit by any longer. I knew what God was calling me to do. I began looking to see what about $30 could buy. Quite a lot actually. But then, I thought of my best friend and cousin who several months ago began working part-time. We know each other so well, I just knew she wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity like that to help people in need. And if we pooled our money together, we could buy so much more!

So I promptly texted her with my proposition. She replied, and little did I know, her family has been sponsoring a little girl for years now through World Vision, and in fact, her parents had already purchased an animal for a family this year. Don’t you just love people who are like-minded with you? I love the incredible way the Lord has of orchestrating things. He never seizes to amaze me with surprises in my path. My best friend was already familiar with the opportunities available through World Vision; what better preparation for my idea could I have asked for? I knew then that my idea had to be a God-thing. We discussed it, and she enthusiastically agreed to the proposition. Plans were made for us to talk through the details on the phone tomorrow or this weekend and decide what we’ll buy.

This Christmas season, my best friend and I are going to embrace a missionary moment. We invite you to join us. Every Christian is called to be a missionary. “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?” (Ro 10:14) “He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.’” (Mk 16:15) It’s our responsibility, and one that we as individuals have neglected for far too long. “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.” (Pr 21:13) Whether you feel a calling to the mission field in a foreign country or not, you are called to be a missionary in the very place where God has placed you right now. I don’t consider it a coincidence that the three songs I’ve recently discovered and bought have all had to do with being sensitive to others’ needs: Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath, Love Like You Loved by Jonny Diaz, and Break My Heart by Jonny Diaz. You’ve got to look that last one up, friends, if you’ve never heard it. It’s such a powerful song and will cut to your core if you’re anything like me. I encourage and challenge you this holiday season to open your eyes to the needs around you in the lives of the people you encounter every day. No longer turn your face away from acknowledging the hurt of the world across the seas and even in your backyard. Face your fear of feeling hurt and help alleviate their pain and hardships. One person can make a difference. Allow the Lord to lead you to minister to those people and make a difference in their lives for His glory. Allow Him to fill your heart with such an abundance of love and compassion like you’ve never experienced before. It will “wow” you how He can use you and a simple act of obedience. Let’s make a difference in our world… together. For more information about how you can participate in the mission of World Vision, see donate.worldvision.org.

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’” Matthew 25:40

“If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:17&18

Photo courtesy: www.123rf.com

Friday, November 2, 2012

More Beautiful You

As you’ll remember from my last post, I just celebrated a milestone birthday this past weekend, and I have to say that unintentionally the theme for my birthday was “beautiful.” Birthday cards, gift bags, presents… everything screamed BEAUTIFUL! But there was a time when I didn’t always feel beautiful…

I’m going to share with you all something that very few people know about me, but something that is a great testimony, a great ministry tool, and that opens the door to an important topic that’s not really brought to light very often. To start, let me ask you something. Have you ever hated yourself? It sounds pretty harsh, I know, but truthfully, whether you’re that kind of person or not, there are people out there that hate themselves. And what most people don’t know is that I used to in fact. Now, people say I’m the most confident person and they’re right; by looking at me now, you’d never know what I went through. So how did I overcome my low point? Well, like anything, it was a process.

People have insecurities. It’s something we all struggle with, whether they’re big or small. For some people, they’re insecure in big crowds, they’re afraid of public speaking, they’re awkward meeting new people. Some people struggle with physical insecurities. They don’t like their hair, they don’t like what the weight scale reads, they think they’re too tall or too short, they think their nose it too pointed or too pugged… the list here can go on and on. Some people have speech impediments or stutter or maybe they have a foreign accent that makes them feel insecure to talk with people. Some people are afraid of eating in public because they think they chew weird or they’re terrified of getting food on their clothes and being humiliated. Insecurities. We’ve got them, don’t we? Even in little ways we don’t realize.

One of the most prominent and devastating insecurities prevalent today among girls and young women is the insecurity of living a lie. It’s a nightmare come true. Let me tell you, our world is harsh and cruel on girls nowadays. And they start early. Trust me, I know. I was only eleven-years-old when the lies began contorting my view of myself. The weight and pressure the world puts on us girls is immeasurable. If you’re a girl, you know what I’m talking about. Moms, dads, brothers, this is something you need to grasp because this is something very real that’s being thrown in your girl’s face and she needs your support and encouragement and most importantly, your words of affirmation.

Look around you. On the internet, in the stores, on TV… everywhere the world is pushing the idea of what they think a “perfect” woman looks like. Let’s be honest, we’ve all seen her before; it’s hard not to. Heavy make-up, slim and unnatural figure, perfectly styled hair- dyed a lot of times, short skirts, revealing necklines, profusion of bling-bling diva costume jewelry… You know what I mean without me getting more graphic. And the world is saying to our girls today, “That’s the kind of girl you need to be.” That’s the kind of person they say we need to become and look like in order to catch attention, in order to be popular, in order to make ourselves attraction to guys. Ouch. The lie hurts, but it’s so true to what they’re trying to push on us. I’ll be blunt, the world is trying to take our little princesses in pink and turn them into pornographic prostitutes held prisoners to the world’s applaud. We shudder, but let’s face it, that’s reality point-blank, isn’t it?

Like I said, I began seeing this lie for the first time when I was about eleven-years-old. Unfortunately, I’m the kind of girl that keeps everything to herself- all of my troubles and struggles- so I had to go through this ordeal on my own; my parents didn’t even know I struggled at one time with this until I told them years later. But I did. Growing up, I was the kind of little girl that wore frilly socks and white shoes, fluffy dresses, and bows in my hair. I was the prissy type, and when you’re little, that’s totally acceptable. But even at that age, I never truly had any real friends. In fact, I usually sat in my own little world in my class. I was obviously different. But I didn’t mind; in fact, at that age, I don’t think I even realized that I was always left out. I had my family and that was enough; they were my world and I was content with that.

But who knows that was only going to last for a season… By the time I was eleven, the cliques were definitely noticeable. How could they not be when I got snubbed every time I was around the other girls my age? And that was not in public school. That was in church. Yes, my insecurity is unique in the fact that the wounds didn’t come from outside; they came from within my own church family. This isn’t to point a finger, but I think it’s time we open our eyes to the fact that church has become a stumbling block to some people instead of the supportive family it’s meant to be. That needs to change. No more pain, no more hurt needs to come from inside the church.

So I was left out, and I began to feel like an odd-ball. I resented the fact that I was different. At eleven-years-old, I was beginning to change physically and emotionally. My family was still great to pal around with, but I wanted friends my age and particularly wanted boys in my little group of acquaintances now. I was getting older. I would stand by in the corners watching while all the boys gave all the other girls attention- the popular girls that flirted with them anyways. No one even knew I existed, I felt. I tried dressing like the popular girls and acting like them, but of course, I couldn’t make it too obvious or my parents would notice. And at eleven-years-old, I naturally wasn’t allowed to wear make-up yet like some of the other girls so I could only look so much like them. I wasn’t the flirt-type; I looked like a fool when I tried it, but then, I was so quiet and shy, I didn’t have the boldness to try it much anyways.

Most of the other girls and boys were in middle-school already. Once I’m in sixth-grade, it’ll make all the difference, I told myself. I reached middle-school and life stayed the same for me. There had to be something wrong with me, I reasoned. My long hair was old-fashioned I thought, but I still liked it too much to cut it off; my shirts were too little-girlish I felt; my high-heels were too small; my youthful acne was a devastating trial; my glasses were nerdy… I really put myself down. The truth is I came to hate myself. I couldn’t stand to see my reflection in the mirror. Sure my parents were always telling me I was pretty, but they were biased weren’t they? I figured. They were my parents. Of course they thought I was beautiful.

That went on for a few years, growing worse and worse as I sunk further in my low self-esteem. At the peak of my struggle, it hardly even existed after being trampled on time and time again. I never did anything desperate or rebellious- my conscience is too super sensitive for that- but I couldn’t even fathom the harm I was doing to myself emotionally and mentally by beating myself up like that and choosing to believe the lies the world was feeding me. I was basically telling God by my thoughts and actions that I thought He did a pretty lousy job when He created me. That He really messed up and went “out there” on His potter’s wheel when He made me. How hurtful! If I had only realized then what I was doing! And I was hiding all of my feelings; no one had a clue what I was going through except for one person who I had told- my cousin and best friend Christian. I’m so grateful for her friendship especially during that trying season of my life.

Finally I was thirteen- officially a teenager- and I was getting tired of feeling so insignificant and worthless. I was tired of feeling bullied all the time and put down. My two older sisters had moved away for college, leaving me as the only child in the house, and I began to find my own identity apart from being “just” the little sis. My quiet voice began being heard in conversation and that really boost my ego to no longer be a little mouse in the shadows of the dark corner, always just observing and listening. My confidence began to grow, more than was good for me, but even overconfidence was better than none at all. In my overconfidence though, I admit I resorted to a bully approach when facing my disappointment every time I got snubbed. I was just better than all of them anyways, I told myself. It was terrible, but it was my first step to healing.

My parents and I took a trip to Arizona that February, and my former interest in “cowboy stuff” grew. That autumn, I began taking riding lessons from my present riding instructor. This was a big milestone the Lord used in healing my wounds. I was doing something different than most people did, including my family. Because of that, I couldn’t compare myself with anyone. It was something I could call my own- the farm was my own little world and everyone at the barn… my own little family away from my family. It gave me a few hours to try my wings in a safe environment, to be alone without my mom’s watching. I loved my mom, but I was the kind of kid that always clung to her apron-strings and hid behind her skirt; I used her as a shield of protection against the hurt I felt from the world. But Momma wasn’t at my side during my riding lessons, and I think that really helped me break out of my shell a lot once I got past my uncertainty of being without her. And I think Momma understood that. Parents, if you have a teenager, I don’t recommend giving them the whole leash-length at once, but your kids need to feel a little freedom every now and then in a safe and organized environment, and even then, my mom didn’t just leave me. She parked her car on the farm and stayed there, watching from her minivan; she was close enough to be a responsible parent, but far enough away to let me feel a little slack in my leash. It was my time without grownup intervention. Teenagers need that, moms and dads. I cannot tell you how much it has meant to me when my mom let me have a few inches of the leash. It’s vital for a kid’s maturing and it helped me become more responsible for my own actions because I knew she trusted me enough to give me that freedom. Without Mom, it was up to me to run the show or send it crashing to the ground. The freedom to test their wings a little means a lot to your teens if they’re anything like I was.

So on that note, I began taking riding lessons. The years began to pass by, and the Lord continued doing a work in my life and building my confidence in who I was in Him. Through my disappointments I grew closer to Him and to my family. Now, four years have passed since the Lord introduced the instrument of my riding lessons. My situation hasn’t changed much. I’m still different from the other girls my age that I know; I’m more accepted among adults than among my own peers. I’m still not popular and no boy’s ever even taken an interest in me before that I know of, my best friend is still my cousin Christian, and I still keep to myself for the most part. My family’s still my little world, and I’m okay with that now; I love my family- they’re the best. And I still have long hair and glasses.

But the person I was at eleven-years-old and the person I am today are not the same. I’m not ashamed of what I dealt with because I realize now that God used my pain and my hardship for good to make me into the person that I needed to become in order to fulfill His purpose for my life. Many of you know that I plan to become a published author someday and am already striving toward that goal. An author is not a typical occupation, and therefore, the Lord knew I would need the courage to stay fast to the dreams He gave me even when people were skeptical and doubtful and laughed at my ideas. I would need a brilliant imagination, perception, and deep emotions- something the world has stolen away from many of the young people of my generation. I would need boldness to speak my mind here on Heart-chords and to stand up to the world’s hindrances in my way. And that’s the kind of person that He’s molded me into. My riding instructor calls me an over-achiever in my riding. But I’ve learned that you have to be an over-achiever in every aspect of life if you want to walk out the purpose the Lord has planned for you.

Today, I love myself. I wouldn’t trade who I am for anyone else in the world. I’m comfortable and content in the situation the Lord has placed me in, and I know He still has so much more in store for my future. I’m excited to see what He has planned. The journey through my early teen years was painful, slow, and one that I wish I could prevent anyone else from going through, but it came. It happened. And it passed. And I wouldn’t trade those years for anything because God had a purpose all along and He used those years of insecurity to make me into the person He wanted me to be… from the foundation up. And the construction isn’t over; He’s still building.

Mine was a David-and-Goliath story like many of us have, but we all struggle with insecurities in some shape or form, don’t we? Adults, guys, I’m not just talking about girls here. This is something we’ve all related to at some point in our life. Sometimes, it’s the people we would never suspect that are going through the worst experiences emotionally. There are so many different lies that the world feeds into our minds, and these lies could be finding a place in your own family and you don’t even know it. We need to be there to support each other in our hard times, so I pray that the Lord will open our eyes to the people around us who are struggling with insecurities and the lies of the world. And especially if there’s a girl in your life, please take the time to speak truth into her situation and build her self-esteem. She needs it whether she’s going through what I experienced or not. Our world is broken with insecurities, and the church can’t offer any hope to it if we’re too bound by our own fears and insecurities to speak up and break the mold of the “norm.” The world needs people who aren’t afraid to be the unique individuals God has called them to be. He has not called us to be locked into the mindsets and fears and pressures that the world places on us. He has made us all uniquely different for our own unique purpose, but if we’re too preoccupied trying to be someone that we were never intended to be, we’re going to miss out on the great plans He has for us. And they are great. He’s taken me on paths I never thought I’d be on, and they’ve been awesome. Life is too short to be a prisoner to fears and insecurities. As I said in my last post, life is a book written in permanent ink that you can’t erase.

But it’s not too late. You can still become an over-achiever and break the mold you’ve squeezed yourself into. When I learned to accept who God created me to be, I found that suddenly, I wasn’t so concerned about impressing anyone. It was okay if my hair wasn’t perfect, if I goofed up by accident and blushed in public. I could laugh at my mistakes now. I felt so… free without worrying about trying to maintain a perfect image, and I experienced and continue to experience daily, joy and contentment like I’ve never felt before in my life. I feel free to live every day to the fullest now and to enjoy every part of it. Don’t be afraid of what anyone thinks any longer; be who you are in Him and allow Him to shine through you in the way He has wanted to since before the day you were born. Give Him that privilege, and be prepared. You’re going to be amazed at where He’ll take it from there and the impact He’s going to use You to make in the world around you. By His grace, I did it. And so can you. Remember, true beauty comes from within. “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment… Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1Pe 3:3&4) Your life is beautiful in His eyes, and He thinks you’re perfect just the way He created you… and you really are. There could never be a more beautiful you.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

*One of my favorite songs speaks to the insecurities plaguing our girls and women today. A powerful message of hope and encouragement and a beautiful song, it’s actually the theme of this post. It’s called More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz. Good stuff. Take a look and check out the other great songs by this guy, one of my favorite Christian music artists.

*Several years ago, when I had just then emerged from my struggle against my low self-esteem, I wrote a letter to accompany a birthday present I bought for my older sister. I was browsing through Hobby Lobby when I came across a pink and blue glass butterfly figurine. There were other glass butterflies, but this one was the only one of its color. It was different from the others. And in that moment, the Lord spoke to me a message that I later typed out on paper and presented to my sister along with the butterfly figurine. That was one of the first lessons I learned as God was teaching me to hear His voice in the everyday matters of life. It’s a very powerful letter that speaks to the message of this post, and I’ve shared it with you on The Avid Author (www.theavidauthor.blogspot.com). The post is titled The Butterfly Letter. I pray you let Him speak to you and allow His truths to minister to the broken areas of your insecurities and fears and set you free.

Lonely girl photo courtesy: www.123rf.com