She Chooses Love

Love is kind of my thing. I blog about it, I speak about it, I counsel about it. But for the past three years, I haven't had the courage to share this part of my life about love.

Not anymore.

I believe that everything in this life happens for a reason. I believe that God has a unique plan for every human being's life and that even in the mistakes or wrong choices made by our free will, He still works all things for good for those who love and follow Him and that He redeems our mistakes.

I believe that everyone who crosses our path is put in our life for a reason. But I also believe that not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. And this is something that I'm slowly having to learn in this season of life.

Because you see, I've been in love before. In infatuation once; in love twice in my lifetime so far. Because I've never been in a relationship before doesn't mean that I've never been in love. I've fallen in love with two young men in the past three years. One love had three years to take root; the other was only just beginning to bloom. To some, three years might seem like a very short time, as if my heart falls easily in love and out of love from one man to the next. But really, it doesn't. In the past three years, my life changed drastically. I walked away from my career plans, I graduated high school, I worked as a nanny, I learned how to be a church preschool teacher and grew into that role, I lost friends and I made even closer friendships, I earned my driver's license, I owned my first car, I got my first full-time job and in a month received my first promotion, I traveled on my own for the first time, I left everything I knew to work on a missions base, I lived outside of my parents' home temporarily, and now I'm about to move to Hawaii on my own. Three years has been a long time for me in this point of my life. My heart is particular actually about who it falls in love with (with my brain's consent, of course). And though I've fallen in love twice, I've yet to fall out of love once yet.

Both young men were wonderful strong men of God who I admired and respected. They both inspired me in my own relationship with the Lord. These were men with whom, had circumstances been different, I would've considered entering into a serious relationship. I have no regrets. I'll probably never know if my affection was fully returned or not, nor does it matter. But they're both still in my life. They've moved into different seasons of their lives now. So have I. We've moved into different places of our lives and our paths have gone in different directions. And that's okay.

But that hasn't changed the fact that I still care for them both very dearly. They're both different and they both hold a special place in my heart. And I learned valuable lessons from the two of them.

From one, I learned how to love. That was the most pure, fearless, unconditional love that I still have ever had for anyone. It was my first love. That innocent, wide-eyed, whole-hearted girlish love. I watched as it turned from a teenager's blind affection, bordering obsession into the deeper, mature, much wiser love of a woman, and I learned the difference between the two. It was a love that grew and changed with me as I stepped into adulthood. I learned the difference of infatuation and of being in love. Oh, young love- the wonder of it! I learned from mistakes made. I learned the importance of communication, granting the benefit of the doubt, and of learning how to fight well. I learned the heartbreak of distance. I learned the power of words. I learned that love should never be chased and I learned that so much can be said in the silence between two people in a room. I learned how to forgive and how to heal. I learned that apologies don't automatically fix everything. I learned of my own stubbornness and pride, and I learned how to say "I'm sorry" and to admit my wrongs, how to take responsibilty for my part of blame. I learned how to love myself first and how to date myself. I learned the power of prayer and of genuine surrender to the Lord.

And from the other, I learned how to be in the moment. How to let loose and just be. I learned how to release stress and anxiety and need for control and how to just trust the Lord. One day at a time. I learned how I should be treated by a man and that I'm worth being treated well. I learned the importance of being respected and supported in love. I learned that differences are to be appreciated and that love doesn't look rationally at differences in language or culture or background. I learned of my fears and insecurities now in love and how to trust again. I learned that contrary to what fairytales tell us, you can fall in love more than once in a lifetime and that someday, I'm going to be a wonderful girlfriend, lifelong companion, helpmate, and fellow prayer warrior. I learned that I am enough just as the person that I am, not by my career or by the things that I do. I learned the power and influence of a quiet, feminine presence and of a good listener. I learned the joy of travel and I learned that the world is much smaller than I used to think it was as a girl. And I learned that there's more to a relationship than romantic love: I learned the importance also of being good friends. The importance of friendship in a relationship, of being with someone who you can talk to about anything, who you don't feel a need to impress, who you can have fun with going to the grocery store, and whose company you never tire of.

From them both, I grew and I learned and I became who I am today where I am today. I learned that love sometimes has an expiration date. I believe that God brings people into our lives for us to love. Maybe romantically, sometimes platonically. But people who we're meant to love. People who I believe are instrumental parts of His plans for us individually. But sometimes, those loves aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Their time in our life is for but a season and that season has a very determined end. And I've learned that if we try to force that love to last past its due time in our lives, we only ruin the beauty of it by trying to make permanent something that the Lord only intended to be temporary.

My love life hasn't been as three years ago, I would've imagined it to be at twenty-one-years-old. The man I marry someday won't be the first love that my heart has known, he won't be the first man I've offered my heart to, and he won't take me on my first date. Those are things that I can never get back to give to my future husband with my purity and virginity someday. It's not what I had always planned. But I'd be lying to say that I'm entirely sorry for that because instead, I can offer him a heart that through it all has learned how to love well now and how to choose love.

Some days I wish I could say that love fades away with time. That distance makes the heart forget. But for me it hasn't in either case. I still love both of those two young men. I'm still in love with them. Maybe I always will be to an extent. I don't know. For now, I'm okay with that. I know that they'll be in my life for many more years to come and I'm proud of the men that they are and what they're accomplishing in their lives, and I'm proud to say that I once loved them dearly and that I still care for them. I'm so thankful for them both, for the memories I have with them, and for the role they played in my life in their due season. I'm grateful for the privilege to have been able to love them. But I'm also learning that there comes a time, a time when people have changed and life has moved on, when you must accept that the season of those loves has expired and that it's time to let them go.

And that is true love.

Loving enough that when you know the time has come, you release them from your heart to go and do and be all who God created them to be, following the path that He has for their life. Even when it leads them far away from you.

We like to think that love and friendships last forever. But they don't. Not always. Some things simply are not meant to last forever. They're in our lives to teach us and grow us and then to move on. And sometimes we're left to ask "Why?" Sometimes we don't know. Sometimes maybe we never will. But that isn't our place. I've felt loss and loneliness, I've shed many a tear, and I've learned through it all that we're tasked not to have the answers, but to trust in our omniscient God Who works all things for good and Who still has a good plan in every testing and blessing of our lives that is ultimately for crafting us to imitate His holiness and goodness and for the greatest glory of His name. He is still a good Father worthy of worship and praise more than we could ever give Him.

Maybe you agree with my sentiment. Maybe you don't. And if you don't, that's okay. I didn't use to believe it until I found myself walking through these experiences in my own life. Maybe there's a person right now who you know deep in your heart has reached the end of their time in your life. A person who you know you have to let go of now and that by holding on, you're only prolonging the inevitable. It's okay. It's scary, I know. It's hard letting go of people you love dearly. But letting go doesn't mean that your love wasn't valid, that it wasn't of value, and that it wasn't real. Letting go means that you love them well, and that's the greatest gift we could ever give someone. The gift of unconditional love. We cannot go through life with fists tightened grasping those we love close to our hearts. That's only fear and control and selfishness. All we have is to be placed in the hands of God, including those we love most. Hands open, holding lightly. And if someday, He reveals that it's time to let those people go, we trust. We let go with no regrets. For everybody who entires our life for us to love, be it for a season or for eternity, is a part of our story for a reason. So we learn, we grow, and we love well with abandon, trusting that whatever will come, whatever will be, is all part of a beautiful plan woven by a God Who holds heaven and earth in the palm of His hands and is creating a masterpiece of our lives day by day.

Fellow single ladies, I get it. Love is scary. I'm with you on that. We live in a crazy world that is utterly confused on the difference between love and lust and sex. I don't believe in casual relationships and I do believe in guarding our hearts. I do. But I believe also that guarding our hearts is not the same as locking our hearts in a cold box and storing them away in the darkest corner of our lives. I've done that. And I found that a loveless life is a joyless life. Guard your love, but don't be afraid of it. Through the laughter and tears, the joy and the pain, love in every form is beautiful and is a treasured gift from the One Who is love Himself (1Jn 4:8) and has given us the greatest love of all eternity.

I choose to love and to love well.

Volunteers Needed!

Aloha, Friends and Family! 

Are you thinking of joining on a missions trip this summer? Why not serve the Lord in beautiful Kailua-Kona, Hawaii?

As you all know, I've been back for three weeks now from Kona, Hawaii where I was serving as a volunteer on the Kokua Crew to help keep the YWAM Kona University of the Nations missions training base running. Yes, I plan on returning next year when I'm financially able, however, this morning, I learned that the university is in URGENT need of volunteers to keep the campus running this summer. 

If you have some time to give or are considering joining a missions team this summer, would you please consider serving in Hawaii to keep my beautiful Kona home up and operating? 

If nothing more would motivate you, take this as a financially affordable way to see the Big Island of Hawaii, and then be amazed as you discover a new intimacy with God, grow spiritually in new ways you never expected, and build new friendships that will bond you as family around the globe. 

Any place where the Lord's workers are needed is a mission field and all He needs is for His children to rise up and say "Send me."

For more information and questions, click on the link below or feel free to post a comment to me. Mahalo!

http://www.uofnkona.edu/volunteers-main/kokua-crew-program/

From Death to Life

It's the close of another day and here I am, alone in my bedroom. Alone with my thoughts. Reflecting back on the day. 

Today was Easter Sunday. The day that as believers, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ and the Hope of Life that we have because of His work on the cross. 

Less than a week ago, I came back here to Georgia from spending three incredible months living and serving in Hawaii. And in that time, the Lord did a lot of work in me. He healed some areas. He helped me put some things to rest and let go of some things and people. I tore pages out of my journal, ripped them to shreds, and threw them away in the public trashcan when walking downtown. I wrote down the name of someone I was struggling to forgive and I literally set fire to his name and symbolically burned away the bitterness I was holding into. I was rebaptized. The Lord brought forth new fruit and new boldness and new gifts. 

I experienced so much freedom. 

So this Easter Sunday as night creeps in and we sit back reflecting on the day, I just wanted to pose this simple challenge to those who are reading this tonight: What in your life needs to be laid to rest and buried in the grave? Maybe it's guilt and shame from the past. Maybe it's a toxic relationship or a friendship that you've held onto for too long. Maybe it's bitterness toward another, toward yourself, toward God. Maybe it's a pattern of thinking or a habit formed. 

Whatever that looks like in your own life... Let it die. Nail it to the cross and let it die. Put it to rest. The price has already been paid for it. The work is finished. The victory is already won. 

Let it go, let it die, and bury it. Don't pick it back up again. It's a thing of the past. The resurrection could not have happened without the crucifixion. Resurrection Sunday would not be were it not for Good Friday. And the fullness of what God wants to do in our lives must be preceded by the death of our former selves and the things of old. Allow God to bring forth new LIFE and restoration today in your hearts and minds as we move ahead into this new week. For "therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2Corinthians 5:17

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Happy Easter. We praise Him for He is SO worthy of our praise. 

"But the angel said to the women, 'Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.'" Matthew 28:5&6

"He is not here, for He has risen." 🌾

Poolside Proverbs

Yesterday I had my first swim lesson. Not with a certified swim instructor, but with the woman who has taught me most of what I know. Because here's the truth of it: I can't swim. 

It isn't because I was ever afraid of swimming, although I'm still not keen on having my face underwater. But growing up, I just never received an opportunity to learn. 

Still, never learning how to swim was one of my biggest regrets in life. Growing up, it caused me to miss out on a lot of birthday parties, a lot of summer parties, a lot of sleepovers, making up excuses not to go because I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I was past grade school and I didn't know how to swim. It was one of my biggest secrets. I never told my parents how embarrassed it made me feel and I never told people that I couldn't swim. I wanted to learn, but I also didn't want to because I was too ashamed to ask for anyone to teach me. My pride just wouldn't let me. 

But I'm going to Hawaii in two weeks. To an island, a place completely surrounded by water known for its beaches, its surfing, its snorkeling, and its scuba diving. A place where it would kind of be helpful to know how to swim. At least a little bit. So yesterday I tried learning how. And I learned a lot from it. 

I acquired a massive new respect for great swimmers and divers because they must have some STRONG muscles. Just sayin'. That stuff is WORK! I was so sore this morning. Talk about good exercise!

I learned that water and eyeliner don't mix well. 

I learned what an essential part of life water is. We drink it, we bathe in it, we float around in it for fun. What a marvelous invention God made of H2O molecules!

I learned that I LOVE water and that I love being IN the water. (That makes me basically a mermaid, right?)

I learned that sure, I can't swim like an Olympic swimmer can. I can't be a lifeguard or a swim instructor or a certified diver. But you know what? There are some things that I know how to do that an Olympic swimmer can't. I learned that there's no reason in the world why we should ever feel ashamed for not knowing how to do something or not knowing answers. That's silly. We can't compare our skills and abilities to anyone else's. There's always new things we all have to learn and we shouldn't ever be embarrassed or afraid of other people's opinions or judgement to ask for help or for instruction. That thing you've been wanting to try? Go for it. You're never too old and no one else is going to chase down that dream for you. 

I learned that sometimes- dare I say, a lot of times- God calls us to places that we aren't necessarily prepared for in the moment. He calls us to places and things that take us from our comfort zone and that sometimes require us to learn new things. Maybe a new language, a new skill, a new culture. Or that maybe requires us to allow Him to do a new work in our hearts and cultivate in us a new character quality or fruit of the Spirit. I know He's had to work in my heart a lot of humility this year for me to be ready to serve Him in Hawaii. The things He calls us do and the places He leads us to go aren't always easy- change is difficult, especially if you never anticipated it- but like in water, we have to learn to simply trust Him, stop fighting, and allow the current of His Spirit to move us. He knows what He's doing. 

I learned that mastering new skills is sometimes more difficult as an adult than it is as a child. Because as adults, we're so logical. We get so caught up in our heads, trying to rationalize everything in our own happy little worlds. Always trying to find balance and reason and make sense. But sometimes, that doesn't always work. Like with breathing: breathing is so natural, but if you stop and focus on it, you set your natural breathing pattern off. Like with swimming: your body mass will float in water, but if you think too much about it, trying too hard to float, you'll sink every time. Like with God: so many people reject believing in Him simply because they can't reason out His ways. The ways of the Lord are mysterious sometimes and force us to have faith and just to trust. It isn't for us to always have the answers and muddle over, trying to make sense in our limited human minds things that are supernatural and of an unearthly realm. And even like with opportunities and love: the Lord may open doors in our lives or bring someone into our path, but we get so distracted, focusing so much on it and overthinking, that we lose courage and miss them entirely. 

And I learned that "Rome wasn't built in a day." I didn't learn to be a great swimmer yesterday. I can do a mean "motorboat" kick across the pool with a kick board now, I learned a breaststroke, and I came pretty close to swimming a few strides on my own without anyone or anything to balance my front end. But I still can't swim. After three hours straight spent in the water, my body was tired. I didn't have the core strength, the energy, or mainly, the practice to keep afloat. And at first, that was really hard for me. I couldn't kick my legs one more time, I was exhausted and my muscles burned so badly, but I didn't wanna leave. Because I had gone there to learn to swim and I hadn't learned yet. But I had to remind myself to release the impossible expectations of my perfectionism and to be gentle and patient with myself. Maybe I'll come back from Hawaii with more practice and know how to swim, but nobody learns in one day. It wasn't for lack of trying and it wasn't for lack of intelligence, I had to remind myself. I'm a fast learner- I learned as much as I did within the first hour- but I physically wasn't capable of learning to swim well all in one afternoon. I think all of us can lean toward a tendency sometimes to be too hard on ourselves, be it in skills or abilities or performance or in spiritual growth. But the Lord is always loving and patient with us in our learning and training and becoming more like Him. "As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13&14 So why shouldn't we be gentle with ourselves as well?

We all have a journey. Some of us are farther along in that journey than others but we all have a past from whence we came. Life is about celebrating the small victories and milestones of that journey one step at a time and taking pride in how far we've come, who we've become, and who we're still becoming. Be kind to yourself. And remember that every journey begins with the first step.

I'm so deeply thankful for the person He's slowly made me into this year and for all that He has planned yet to do in my life. Revving up now for an adventure with Him that I know is going to change me forever. 

Shattered World

Look at these pictures. At these faces. Look at them hard. Type their content into Google and look at the images you see. 

And I ask you: 

Is this okay?

If you're anything like me, you live comfortably in the American upper middle-class. You live the American Dream. 

I look around me and I see thousands of people just like me. I see people running around town this time of year, filling their shopping carts with the best deals they can find. I see people rummaging through the Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales to get the latest electronics and portable devices. I see people stuffing their refrigerators with food for the holidays. I see families laughing together and attending Christmas parties in ugly sweaters with gifts to exchange tucked under their arms. 

I see people just like me. Living a delusion. 

This American Dream of prosperity, health, abundance, and wealth we live... It isn't real. 

We live in a fantasy world and some of us like it that way. Others are simply naive. Some of us know what's going on in the world around us, across the globe, across town, across the street, but we don't want to hear it. We don't want to hear it because it dampens our high of happiness and health and riches. So we choose to bury our head in the sand. We distract ourselves with the pleasures our fantasy world has to offer. Fancy dinners, elaborate concertos, high-class museums, luxurious resort getaways. We distract ourselves and shelter our happiness like a trophy in a glass case. 

We don't want to think about the children being beaten and bruised in their homes every day. The young girls and boys being sold into the sex trafficking industry and the women selling their bodies to men in the dark alleys of our city streets or in pornography film studios. The refugees displaced from their homes and from all that they know. The victims of war attacks losing their family, their possessions, everything they own. The impoverished children falling ill from disease and malnutrition. The mothers and fathers who have no more tears left to cry as they watch the lives taken from their young children too soon. The men and women who have defended our freedoms now penniless on our streets with no more than a bag full of belongings to their name. The teenager pregnant and alone, seeking to abort the precious life conceived and formed within her body by the hands of a real and living and loving God. The Christians crucified, beheaded, raped, tortured, burned alive for the sake of not denying their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. The soldiers of ISIS and their families, lost and so blind but still so deeply loved by our Father in Heaven, our Savior of grace Who died for their sins. The silent screams of their souls for help with every slice of their knives and every shot of their guns as they wander so blind by darkness toward a future of damnation and suffering, torment and grief in a lake of fire for eternity. 

But we don't want to think about them. We don't want to think about the reality these individuals live every day. 

Until it affects us and our family. 

Maybe I'm the only egoistic human to have done this. But maybe I'm not. 

When did we as believers, as the body of Christ... When did we as humanity, as a culture and society, begin caring more about the turkey on our table, the biggest presents under our Christmas tree, the newest iPhone released by Apple and the latest gossip of celebrities than we do about the orphans and the widows, the poor and the hungry, and the lost souls that are going to spend eternity in Hell. 

When?

When did this happen?

When did we become so selfish, so apathetic, so judgmental, so revengeful and so calloused?

Those who are like me, we can't continue to deny reality until it comes knocking on the doorstep of our own happy little worlds. This American Dream will not last forever and its moment on the scene of time is drawing to a close. 

A new era is dawning and the reality is our world is being shaken. The world in which we live mourns and the haunting cries of those slain continue to ring out throughout the nations. Their cold blood runs like a scarlet thread through our hearts, woven into the fabric of our humanity. Lives are lost, innocent, as our world is shattered with war and terror and violence and threats. Blood is on the hands of men so devoted to their religion but so sincerely lost. So blinded to the Truth. And we mourn. A darkness has covered our land and we desperately need a Light to break forth and bring hope to the broken-hearted. To penetrate through the cloud of darkness that has rested upon our world and upon the hearts of men that they may see the Truth that can set them free and give them an eternal hope. 

We live in this world. Beyond our American upper-class, this is the world in which we live right now. Here in this moment. Here in this time. 

And the Church has a decision to make. The Church has center-stage. People are hungry and heavy-burdened and are looking for a peace and a security beyond themselves, beyond the government, beyond alliances. All eyes are on us. 

What will we choose in these days of trial? Hatred or Love?

The world has enough hate. 

I choose love. 

This season it's easy to get caught up in the busyness and the festivities of the holidays. So preoccupied by our own little worlds. 

But please let's not hide. Let's not seek escape into our distractions. Let's not misuse the blessings of the Lord as a distraction. Let's not turn our heads away. 

We are living in a crucial time in history and more than ever, we need to pray and to reach out to the world around us in love. 

It might break our hearts. It might bring us to tears. It might make us cry out and question God "Why?" Why so much suffering, why is that not us instead. It might make us beg the Lord to return now. It might someday cost us our own lives for the sake of our faith. 

But the world is looking at us, the Church, the Body of believers. And it's looking for an example of love in a world now that only knows hate. 

Now is not the time to turn a blind eye to the events of the world around us. Now is not the time to hate those who mock and scorn, those who torture and persecute us. 

Now is the time to make a decision. 

May we choose love. Love as the Father loves us and washes every stain and blemish from His Bride with the ransom of His blood... so that we are made clean white as snow to show others the way to His Truth and glory. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." John 3:16&17

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving. 

Has it really been a full year already? 

This season, as many people, I've been contemplating thankfulness and blessings, and I have so much to thank the Lord for. I have seen His hand in my life so powerfully and so intimately this year, and I have watched Him pour out blessings upon my family and me. This has been a richly favorable year for us in change and growth and love and memories.  

But in the midst of so much I could thank the Lord for, a group of senior citizens taught me how much I also take for granted. 

Last Saturday morning, I awoke with no official plans for the day and another weekend to myself what with my parents still gone on their cruise. So I decided to give a few hours of my Saturday to serving. I was severely tempted to stay in my warm bed and sleep, but I was convicted. I'm the girl who wants to move to Hawaii to serve in outreach. But I won't even wake up early and sacrifice three hours of my weekend to serve in my own hometown? So I woke up earlier than usual, picked up my usual Saturday morning chicken biscuit and hugged my coworker friends, and I drove to Downtown Atlanta. To the Atlanta Dream Center. 

I had never been to the Dream Center before but when I was younger, my church used to take a group down there to serve. I was out of my comfort zone there. Drastically. I never go to Atlanta, much less on my own. I never serve with urban ministries and outreach to low-income areas. And I didn't know a single soul there. I hadn't even submitted an RSVP for their Adopt-a-Block event like I was supposed to have. I just showed up. My inexperience even would've gotten my car towed had it not been for the kind volunteers who informed me that I had parked in an unacceptable space: once in a tow zone, the other blocking a florist shop driveway on the street. 

Something was there though. The tall buildings looked old and dingy and dirty. Graffiti wouldn't have surprised me. The roads were not in the best condition and iron bars were on the windows of the Dream Center. Parking for the Center was right in front of the ministry buildings or I otherwise would've felt wary of walking far alone. Overhead the sky was gray and clouded, casting the urban area in a cold pale light. 

And I felt something there. I felt a darkness in that place as soon as I stepped out of my car. I didn't feel in danger from anything in the physical, but I felt something imminent and threatening to me in the spiritual realm. Something that I feared might manifest itself in the physical.

I looked up at the buildings around me and an eeriness overcame me to realize that inside those buildings, in the backstreets of the heart of Atlanta, women and young teenage girls were selling their bodies to men every single day, either by choice or by slavery. There was a darkness to that side of the city that few people saw. It made me shiver and cringe. 

The people from the Dream Center were kind and welcoming to my joining them even though I hadn't submitted an RSVP. I signed a waiver, which I didn't read but which I assumed essentially claimed that if I got abducted or assaulted or injured in any way, it wasn't the organization's fault. The church was cozy and inviting, and we gathered all together into a warehouse-looking room for a brief time of worship. 

But I still felt in my spirit something there, and it terrified me. It made me want to jump into my car and drive away from that place as fast as I could. Something, or should I say someone, didn't want me there. 

I turned to spiritual battle, and I prayed against that evil spirit of darkness that I felt surrounding me. I prayed against it. And when I closed my eyes, I saw a vision of myself surrounded by a bubble of light. Against that bubble of light pressed a wall of darkness, trying to drive the light back. 

I realized that sometimes we'll never know how bright a light really is until it's placed in the darkness. You can't see the influence of a candle glowing until you see how far its realm of light extends into the dark. And my spirit was strengthened and encouraged because I realized that I had a Light to shine and a gift for shining it effectively to those around me.  

That heaviness and darkness I felt left, and after the worship, I joined two young ladies and an elderly woman in going to visit a group of senior citizens. 

Lija and I rode with Jordan to the high-rise home where the seniors lived, arriving some time before Miss Ruby did. Many of the elderly were shut-ins and looked forward every week to the Atlanta Dream Center volunteers' visit. We gathered in a circle with a group of about ten black elderly Christian men and women. I won't lie, as a Caucasian-Puerto Rican in a society that is so quick to create racial tension, I felt culturally stretched from my comfort zone. But it was good. I needed that. I might feel like a minority often in Hawaii. 

We read Scripture together and taught on meekness and humility. We brought them food- bread and pies and fruit- and new toothbrushes. We shared about our weeks. We introduced ourselves and shared something about our lives. 

We went around the room sharing one thing that the Lord had done in our lives that week that we were thankful for. 

And the seniors' thanksgiving all had a common thread: they were thankful for life. They were thankful for health and for a sound mind. They were thankful for another day that they had woken up and were given the opportunity to live. 

And it challenged me. It challenged me of how much I take granted the simple things that matter the most. Like food on my table. A roof over my head. A family and good friends. A car. A job. 

Life. The very essence of breath in my lungs and every morning I awake, the chance to see another day dawn with the colors of the sunrise.

I initially questioned my calling to serve with the impoverished when my eyes had seen reality for the first time that morning. I had questioned fearfully what in the world I was doing, going to Hawaii with a desire to minister to the homeless. But by that afternoon, I felt so fulfilled. I fell in love with the sweet seniors, so welcoming, so accepting, so loving. I enjoyed the group I served with and I formed a new friendship with Lija over sipping apple juice together back at the Dream Center before I headed back into the suburbs. 

I had gone to serve and to be a blessing. But I was blessed. Tremendously. 

And this Thanksgiving, I'm challenged to give thanks for the simple things. 

To give thanks for the beautiful gift of life and for the precious gift of Christ's blood on the cross that I may have life and eternal life abundant.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

Be Still and Know

Last weekend was special for me because I got to spend so many powerful and precious intimate moments with the Lord. 

Saturday morning, I found myself at a local coffee shop I had been wanting to try. I sat outside on the deck overlooking the river and played my guitar and read my devotional. But mostly, I stood in awe. In awe of how magnificent our Creator is. It was so beautiful. The way that the water moved, so many droplets of water all moving together as one. The autumn colors of the trees were so warm and brilliant. The laughter of joy coming nearby from a young boy and his loving father, engaged and present, pretending with small tree branches that they were sword fighting. 

A few hours later found me at what used to be one of my favorite places on the face of the earth. The Monastery of the Holy Spirit. I used to go there so often with my mom. We would picnic by the lake, sit in silence, reflecting and resting our souls in the Lord's presence, and we would stay for the 5:20 vespers service. But now it had been over two years since I had stolen away to that place of solitude, silence, serenity. 

It was fairly busy that day. There was a weekend retreat being held so there were many people staying in the retreat house. There was also a group of elderly women from the Red Hat Club in their red and purple. There were tours being given, families spending the day, couples young and old strolling the grounds hand-in-hand. And there was me. 

Some things had changed, but it was much as I had remembered it. And I discovered that it's still one of my favorite places. I wandered the spots I used to go with my mom: the bonsai tree greenhouse, the lake, the Abbey Store, and the Abbey Church. 

But before I left, I brought out my acoustic guitar from the back seat of my sedan. I carried my gig bag over to a field. And I sat down in the dying grass and brown leaves. 

The afternoon sun was low in the horizon before me and behind me stood the tall white chapel, bathed in its warm rays. I lifted my guitar from its case and I began playing. People were walking by- it was a public place- but I began playing and singing anyways. "10,000 Reasons" I played. And the presence of God came over me so strongly. 

I was singing and playing openly, freely, without shame or reserve, though my skills aren't excellent in either. Usually I'm insecure in my playing and my singing alone. But I wasn't that afternoon. I didn't care what anyone else thought. I was worshipping Jesus and that was the only thing that mattered to me. 

I closed my eyes and at one point, stopped playing and lifted my hand to Heaven. I felt so much freedom wash over me as I lost myself in His presence.

I had been dreading the changing of the seasons. I dislike the cold so I had fought against accepting the inevitable approach of autumn and winter. I mourned for all of the precious moments I had spent with the Lord. The picnics, the walks, the prayer times outside at IHOP, the ice cream eating and Bible reading outside Barnes & Noble at the Avenue, the outdoor adventures. I had mourned for them, thinking that such special private times away with the Lord were over for me until next year.  My favorite places to get away from the busyness and distractions from the world and to focus wholly on Him are all places outdoors. 

But I realized last weekend that I was wrong. 

We don't need a place or perfect conditions to touch the heart of Jesus and feel His presence surrounding us. The seasons change, but He is ever constant and is ever wooing our hearts to spend time with Him and in His Word. He cares for us His children, us His treasured ones, so deeply. He is pursuing us and there is no place that we can run from His outstretched arms and His abundant love. 

In the changes of life, in the ringing noise of the day-to-day responsibilities and cares of this world... Be still. 

Be still and know that He is God. Not just in your mind. Be still and know in your heart that He is God. We are a busy generation, a busy culture, a very busy society. 

But we need time away with Him. He longs for us to seek His face and through our private moments with Him, He strengthens us, equips us, and uplifts us to live our lives more abundantly, more fully, more richly for His glory than we ever could on our own. Be that beneath a cathedral of blue sky, a quiet corner of a coffee shop with a cup of hot cocoa, or curled beneath the covers reading His Word on a chilly night.

Be still and rest in the confidence that our God never changes and He is faithful with no end.